4givrnt4gtr Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I really just cant do this anymore! its killing me!! God, i love this guy, I really really like him And it kills me whenever he says things like these:X= him, Y = me XXXXX: therapist?....already? YYYYY: in two years baby YYYYY: at the green age of 25 i will be a therapist XXXXX: cool...i can come and visit u and get consulting....free? YYYYY: and at the green age of 28 I will be a full blown psychologist YYYYY: you get a special XXXXX: special?.... YYYYY: yes YYYYY: special rate XXXXX: why not free? YYYYY: bc thats how people go broke! YYYYY: haha fine fine fine ill treat you for free XXXXX: charge my wife though XXXXX: blame everything on her YYYYY: you're gonna get married in two years? XXXXX: if i do AM i crazy for getting sad/irritated when he talks about marrying someone else?? even if its joking??? I dont know but to me those jokes say a lot....what do u think? am i insane?
Racquel Colette Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Honestly it is his way of saying he doesn't see a future for you. You are his "Ms. Right Now" and some other woman he meets later will be his "Mrs. Right." sorry.
Dynamo Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Sounds like jealousy. Just remember he's allowed to marry who he wants, just as you are. It's a natural human emotion to feel jealous (I've been feeling incredibly jealous over a friend of mine who's dating this amazing girl) but you just got to suck it up. That being said, you never know.. Maybe he's talking about marrying YOU without you even realizing!
Jilly Bean Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Easy, girl! Yes, you're insane. Why are you assuming his wife won't be YOU?
Star Gazer Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 You're going to be a therapist and this is how your thought process works?
Racquel Colette Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 You're going to be a therapist and this is how your thought process works? I understand what she's saying, if she's the therapist, and he's married, and she would charge his wife....well, that means he plans on being married to someone else. He doesn't see himself actually married to the therapist and that is his way of telling her this. I have to say at least he is letting her know before she gets too attached.
melodymatters Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Well, the way it's worded, it doesn't sound like he's talking about her ! And, yeah, I wouldn't over react, but I DON'T like "dismissive" jokes either. It sounds like he was trying to get under her skin, and I don't appreciate people: guys or girls or friends who go for that kind of " humour"
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 Sounds like jealousy. Just remember he's allowed to marry who he wants, just as you are. It's a natural human emotion to feel jealous (I've been feeling incredibly jealous over a friend of mine who's dating this amazing girl) but you just got to suck it up. That being said, you never know.. Maybe he's talking about marrying YOU without you even realizing! Well...we have been dating for six months now...so yes...i am jealous... More than jealous. I am petrified I am being taken as the "just for now" girl.... I am not a just for now girl.... Im thinking about asking him why he assumes we're going to break up. That should clear it up.... If he says that well...Im just good for now...thats it. Its over...and Im gonna need the whole lot of you because i dont know how am I gonna handle another broken heart.
Racquel Colette Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I don't think you should ask him directly if you're his 'just for now' girl. You should be able to tell this by his actions. Is he letting you know how crazy he is about you and how much he wants you in his life? If he is crazy about you, you KNOW if you are the 'just for now' girl or not.
D-Lish Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Don't ask him anything! Don't even acknowledge the comment! He's testing you with comments like that- trying to see how you will react. Play it cool. If you let on a marriage comment bugged you- you might unknowingly put pressure on the marriage button and you don't want to do this. Guys don't think about marriage this soon on.... maybe after a year they start thinking more about it. It's just a silly remark designed to see how you react to it. If you don't give him a reaction it will puzzle him- trust me. The less youtalk about marriage- the less he feels pressured about it and the better your chances of him starting to wonder about it. How you should react to a comment like that: He says: "If I ever do..." (get married) you say: "Yeah, I haven't thought much about marriage... maybe someday, but the guy will have to pretty awesome for me to consider it...." Why do responses like that work? He will wonder why you don't think he is awesome! And that will inspire him to be a more awesome boyfriend. It also takes the pressure out of the equation!
Kamille Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Don't ask him anything! Don't even acknowledge the comment! He's testing you with comments like that- trying to see how you will react. Play it cool. If you let on a marriage comment bugged you- you might unknowingly put pressure on the marriage button and you don't want to do this. Guys don't think about marriage this soon on.... maybe after a year they start thinking more about it. It's just a silly remark designed to see how you react to it. If you don't give him a reaction it will puzzle him- trust me. The less youtalk about marriage- the less he feels pressured about it and the better your chances of him starting to wonder about it. How you should react to a comment like that: He says: "If I ever do..." (get married) you say: "Yeah, I haven't thought much about marriage... maybe someday, but the guy will have to pretty awesome for me to consider it...." Why do responses like that work? He will wonder why you don't think he is awesome! And that will inspire him to be a more awesome boyfriend. It also takes the pressure out of the equation! D, you know I love you and I think the world of the advice you give. Yet I think at one point, especially after 6 months of being with a guy, a girl should be able to communicate on certain key issues. Like, why would he make comments to undermine what they have together. See, I don't think the issue is marriage so much as commitment. He's making it sound like he's not that committed to her then and there. That would bother me. And I would bring it up. I certainly deserve to be treated better then that - and so does anyone. But my approach is perhaps a bit riskier 4givrnt4gtr... I've adopted the approach that I am done pussyfooting around guy's commitment issues. They're either in or they're out. If they're somewhere in-between, then I won't take them seriously. I know from previous post that you're very attached to this guy. But I also think you best find out now what he's made of then keep quiet and play games in the hope to 'hook him' at at later date. Next time he makes a comment like that, don't get irritated and don't feel threatened. Keep your power, and calmly ask him what he means - or to explain his comment.
serialgf Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Woah I think y'all are overanalyzing this a bit. I would take that as a joke - like how people say at the therapist that everything is their mother's fault. He was saying, "blame it on my wife" like that's why he would be going to get therapy in the first place. I think this is one of those cases where you are overthinking his simple male mind.... Or maybe I'm wrong.... Has he said other things that lead you to believe he doesn't see you as having staying power? If not, I would let this one go and chalk it up to tactless male humor. Plus even if he did mean what you think, that still doesn't mean your future together is doomed, it's just that he may not be positive you're the one yet. With guys, at least the ones i know, they always say things like they'll never marry so and so (or at all) and then next thing you know you're getting an invitation to their wedding in the mail... Cheer up and Chill out!
Kamille Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I really just cant do this anymore! its killing me!! God, i love this guy, I really really like him And it kills me whenever he says things like these:X= him, Y = me XXXXX: therapist?....already? YYYYY: in two years baby YYYYY: at the green age of 25 i will be a therapist XXXXX: cool...i can come and visit u and get consulting....free? YYYYY: and at the green age of 28 I will be a full blown psychologist YYYYY: you get a special XXXXX: special?.... YYYYY: yes YYYYY: special rate XXXXX: why not free? YYYYY: bc thats how people go broke! YYYYY: haha fine fine fine ill treat you for free XXXXX: charge my wife though XXXXX: blame everything on her YYYYY: you're gonna get married in two years? XXXXX: if i do AM i crazy for getting sad/irritated when he talks about marrying someone else?? even if its joking??? I dont know but to me those jokes say a lot....what do u think? am i insane? Actually it's true that the joke could be him banking on the irony of having his wife as a therapist: and then the client tells the therapist: charge my wife, it's all her fault.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 well well well.... I just couldnt take it anymore, the whole wondering if he saw me as just an "in the meantime" girl, as some of his comments seemed to point to.... So...i risked it all and straight out asked him. It was hard...it took me almost all nite to get the courage to say something that could scare the living lights out of him....but I just HAD to... So after much beating around the bush, i came out and said it. I asked him what his intentions were, if he saw me or someone like me with potential for more than just "dating" Well the twists life gives.... He said that he has actually been thinking about it too, and what is going to happen next with us. At the beginning of our relationship he told me he would only talk to his family (he is Indian) about a girl he is dating when he thought about getting serious, as in marriage, with her. He told me last night he has been trying to figure out how to tell his family about me. He wants them to know, and hopefully, (fingers and toes crossed) they will accept me despite the fact that Im not Indian. Ultimately he told me he does see me as something serious, and then asked me if I would marry him. imagine that. ofcourse it wasnt like a proposal proposal, more like an assessment. We discussed some more, we both agreed we see this whole thing with more of like a long term potential, and that, ultimately, due to his culture, the biggest challenge for us to continue with all this, is the acceptance of his family. I am very very glad I talked to him about it. I FINALLY know how he sees us and if, god forbid, his family doesnt accept it, at least I know we BOTH tried our best. So you know...the whole Be Honest...and Tell him how you feel!!! might be a scary thought...but ultimately, if the guy is worth it....he will listen and will help you get thru your fears and may even surprise you with more than what you bargain for
Kamille Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I love happy LS moments! And congratulation on bringing it up! It's hard but I agree with you, in the end, it's usually worth it! How exciting. I hope everything goes well for you with the family. Keep us posted!
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 I love happy LS moments! And congratulation on bringing it up! It's hard but I agree with you, in the end, it's usually worth it! How exciting. I hope everything goes well for you with the family. Keep us posted! Thank you! it took all the courage and imagination and everything i could think of to bring it up but it was very very much worth it. I will definitely keep u all post it as to how the whole family thing went (when it does!)
serial muse Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Ha, I only just saw this thread, and my initial reaction to your post before reading the rest of the thread was, he's talking about you, silly. And he was.
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 well first of all...you never know who you will mary or if you will get married in the future..i used to get jealous of things like that too but they dont really mean anything...because its kind of like a joke..
Jilly Bean Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Though I always love being right, I particularly love being right when it makes someone happy. Good luck, and yeah!
JCD Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 "At the beginning of our relationship he told me he would only talk to his family (he is Indian) about a girl he is dating when he thought about getting serious, as in marriage, with her. He told me last night he has been trying to figure out how to tell his family about me. He wants them to know, and hopefully, (fingers and toes crossed) they will accept me despite the fact that Im not Indian." Do you know what he's saying here? I will tell you. He is saying that he needs his family's approval to marry a non-Indian girl and that means that it is not his choice to choose to marry you. That means he places his family above you and that is a no no. You do not want to marry a guy like that. You need a guy who loves you and who would challenge anyone, including his own family, if they get into his way of marrying you. Be careful what religion and ethnicity the guy you date is. People still live backward ways.
D-Lish Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 ...but ultimately, if the guy is worth it....he will listen and will help you get thru your fears and may even surprise you with more than what you bargain for I think you hit the nail on the head... If someone is worth it- they will listen and be open. Good for you, glad it worked out!
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