EYECANDY000 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 First off I would like to say Kudos to this website and everyone on it.(let me give everyone a hug \0/ ) You guys rock and have answered so many of my questions and concerns. Please dont get tired of me because theres more questions to come, and I have one right now! As those of you know, I have been dating this guy for the last couple of months now. And my past situation with him is that he never initiated things. I would feel like it is always me who made the plans for us to see each other and speak with each other over the phone.. Lately he has been starting to call more which is definately a plus. But my question is do you think that I should tell him that I want more of an emotional connection with him, or that is something that will come naturally. As far as emotional , I want to feel like we are able to talk about the most deepest aspects of life , our relationship, and our feelings. Second question do you think this is to early to be asking someone, and to just see where the relationship goes and everything will fall into place?
fray718 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 This guy I'm currently dating only for a few weeks is actually the one who initiates all dates, all phone calls, and even initiates talks about feelings and emotions and our relationship. I've had guys like the one you are dating before and no way am I going back to dating guys like them. My advice really is that to find someone who will give you what you want without you having to work so hard at it.
Racquel Colette Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 i agree with Fray. Don't play the 'man' in the relationship. He needs to tell you his feelings for you. It's great he's 'calling more' but a guy really isn't that into you if you are initiating everything....it almost sounds like he just spends time with you because you ask him. Do you want a guy who you have to ask to spend time with you? He's just not that into you so far from what I can see.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 This guy I'm currently dating only for a few weeks is actually the one who initiates all dates, all phone calls, and even initiates talks about feelings and emotions and our relationship. I've had guys like the one you are dating before and no way am I going back to dating guys like them. My advice really is that to find someone who will give you what you want without you having to work so hard at it. Fray - my question to you is why you think I should dump him when you were doing the exact same thing once upon a time. Y is it ok for a guy to make all the initiative and the girl to just sit back and relax. but when the girl is making the initiative then she should dump him? just curious...
Cabbage Patch Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I agree, for the first few weeks at least, he should be initiating contact and trying to 'chase' a little, making you feel special! I was once in that spot and like the above post I wont go back there because the relationship will probably still work but the cracks appear later even about 2-3 years down the track, well it did for me. Eventually as the relationship progresses you will have to start initiaing contact, dates etc too so that you show some interest and become a couple. If I was you I would sit back and maybe not initiate as many of the calls, contact etc and see what he does. If he is really worth it he'll get off his butt and do something about it, which he sounds like he is doing. In regards to the emotional stuff I would let that progress naturally it'll happen in good time and as you become closer.
fray718 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Fray - my question to you is why you think I should dump him when you were doing the exact same thing once upon a time. Y is it ok for a guy to make all the initiative and the girl to just sit back and relax. but when the girl is making the initiative then she should dump him? just curious... I did the same thing once upon a time which is how I learned to NOT date guys like that again. Like CP said, in the beginning stages the guy should be the one chasing and making the girl special or else the guy is just not that into the girl.
norajane Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 do you think that I should tell him that I want more of an emotional connection with him, or that is something that will come naturally. As far as emotional , I want to feel like we are able to talk about the most deepest aspects of life , our relationship, and our feelings. No, don't direct the relationship like it's a movie - be IN it. Meaning, if you want a closer emotional connection and there are specific things you would like to share with him, go ahead and share those with him when you feel in the mood. But at two months, I think it is too soon to be telling him how deeply he has touched your heart and you are imagining what your children will look like. Talk about how you feel about your life, the things that make you excited, the things that make you sad, the things you dream about, etc. But don't talk too much about your feelings for HIM...it's too soon for you to pin your dreams on him.
D-Lish Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Agree with NJ. Keep things light - low pressure. Allow him to tell you how he feels when he is comfortable. Remember to seperate what your needs vs his needs are. The need to be validated is yours- so let him take the initiative when he is ready. The less you pressure, the more cool he will think you are and the more he will feel comfortable about opening up.
LiveKhaos Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 This guy I'm currently dating only for a few weeks is actually the one who initiates all dates, all phone calls, and even initiates talks about feelings and emotions and our relationship. I've had guys like the one you are dating before and no way am I going back to dating guys like them. My advice really is that to find someone who will give you what you want without you having to work so hard at it. yeah but from a guys perspective, this could emotionally drain him as well as a bit of resentment could start coming about...not to mention the fact that he might start feeling slightly insecure because you never initiate much. I know of this first hand... Guys do like it when their other half's call them once in a while and initiate things. It makes them feel like they are *sharing the burden of a relationship, not carrying it alone... I believe that there should be a balance, the guy should most of the time initiate things and make the effort to communicate, but the girl should do the same once in a while...like if he messages you first today...try and message him first tomorrow then see what happens...I guarantee you that he'll like it and probably will appreciate you women even more...
fray718 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 yeah but from a guys perspective, this could emotionally drain him as well as a bit of resentment could start coming about...not to mention the fact that he might start feeling slightly insecure because you never initiate much. I know of this first hand... Guys do like it when their other half's call them once in a while and initiate things. It makes them feel like they are *sharing the burden of a relationship, not carrying it alone... I believe that there should be a balance, the guy should most of the time initiate things and make the effort to communicate, but the girl should do the same once in a while...like if he messages you first today...try and message him first tomorrow then see what happens...I guarantee you that he'll like it and probably will appreciate you women even more... Don't worry I do throw him a few calls/texts every once in awhile and do initiate at times. But I don't do it AS OFTEN as the OP because like you said the guy should do a bit more than the girl. Thing is, each time I DO initiate he just eats it all up and gets all giddy...the fact that I dont do it often makes him appreciate it more. I do what feels right. The problem only comes in when in this case the OP is doing MOST of the initiatiing and he is taking her for granted. It shoudn't be that way. He should be the one trying to win her over! I've been in this situation as the OP before and it really sucks. I've also done it when I was just too scared to iniiate anything and that sucked too! So yea, I'm trying to balance things here this time =).
LiveKhaos Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Don't worry I do throw him a few calls/texts every once in awhile and do initiate at times. But I don't do it AS OFTEN as the OP because like you said the guy should do a bit more than the girl. Thing is, each time I DO initiate he just eats it all up and gets all giddy...the fact that I dont do it often makes him appreciate it more. I do what feels right. The problem only comes in when in this case the OP is doing MOST of the initiating and he is taking her for granted. It shouldn't be that way. He should be the one trying to win her over! I've been in this situation as the OP before and it really sucks. I've also done it when I was just too scared to initiate anything and that sucked too! So yea, I'm trying to balance things here this time =). Cool...Hahaha! "I do throw him a few calls"...For some reason it sounds like your saying it like he's a little puppy and just for its momentary satisfaction you play fetch with it....Lol!! (I know thats not what you meant though...lol) Ooo...yeah I see... You should definitely do what feels right to you, not what feels right to other people you know... I agree, he is taking the OP for granted, but as she's stated he has been taking some initiative lately...So in this case I would give it about 1 to 2 more weeks and see how much more progress he's achieved. If within this alloted time frame he's still not taking more initiative then and only then would you let him know how you feel. But there's a possibility that he's realized he needs to step it up and that's what he's been trying to do. But if you don't give him a chance to step it up by confronting him now or too soon, then that could be frustrating for him, and he might take steps backwards instead. As some of us have said, there needs to be a balance...period...no exceptions...so this means that you shouldn't have to be doing most of the work a majority of the time...
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