boop-oop-a-doop Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Can adult men experience unrequited love? I mean totally unrequited. Never dated the woman. Been after her for years. Would you call that love or a crazy long crush? Or something else? I've seen crap like that in movies and romance novels, but is it really possible in real life?
Florida Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Yes, in fact I was thinking about this, that most women would not stick around too long after being friend zoned (does that even happen??) But a guy can be wanting and pining for a girl for years...yes-years. In fact a guy will get married and divorce years later- then still think of that one unrequited love. Maybe he would even divorce because imagining how things could be with the unrequited love causes him to be unhappy where he is at. Check out the "friends" section where people are posting about the girl who they love but they are friends and she may not like him in that way-all guys. Guys LOVE unrequited love, it is the ultimate in non commitment while getting to feel all the emotions by default. Women tend to pine over ex's , but unrequited love from a friend-totally a guy thing. I wonder if that is the basis for the rules-that men don't really want a relationship-they just want to feel like some elusive something is always out of their reach. I'm getting depressed just writing this.
Author boop-oop-a-doop Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Oh . . . so if I stop "running" and get involved with him, he'll get bored and lose interest? I won't bother if that's the case.
Florida Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Oh . . . so if I stop "running" and get involved with him, he'll get bored and lose interest? I won't bother if that's the case. Oh no, that wasn't what I meant. On second thought, maybe men (generally) can see a girl has certain qualities and do not need her to like him back to validate themselves. It really is just purely liking someone for who they are! Perhaps that is more admirable than with women, because a woman really evaluates and bases a lot of how she feels not just on his intrinsic qualities, but how much he admires her or loves her. So, maybe I got it wrong, and while the unrequited can fuel the love, giving a longer chance to really know the girl, it may show a deeper value for commitment than I gave it credit for. Does some guy like you and you are coming around his way?
Cobra_X30 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Oh no, that wasn't what I meant. On second thought, maybe men (generally) can see a girl has certain qualities and do not need her to like him back to validate themselves. It really is just purely liking someone for who they are! Perhaps that is more admirable than with women, because a woman really evaluates and bases a lot of how she feels not just on his intrinsic qualities, but how much he admires her or loves her. So, maybe I got it wrong, and while the unrequited can fuel the love, giving a longer chance to really know the girl, it may show a deeper value for commitment than I gave it credit for. Does some guy like you and you are coming around his way? I was going to disagree with you at first... but I think you are definitly on to something here. Perhaps your BF is suffering from some unrequited love.
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I was going to disagree with you at first... but I think you are definitly on to something here. I'm glad the post was clear to you, it sounded kind of garbled but you get the point! Perhaps your BF is suffering from some unrequited love. Cobra what do you mean? I don't get it..
Saxis Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I have no idea what you call it, but it's happened to me (and still is). My best friend's sister. I put myself in the friend zone because I didn't want it to affect my relationship with my friend and his family. In the 11 years I've known her, only the last 4 years I haven't had strong feelings for her. Lost contact with her, and she and my STBXW didn't get along well. My divorce is nearly final, and I had the opportunity to talk to her again a couple months back, and instantly rekindled everything for me. Now she's in a LTR, and I'm still stuck in the friend zone. I regret not trying for more now....
Cobra_X30 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I'm glad the post was clear to you, it sounded kind of garbled but you get the point! Clear as a bell to me. But then I know what your intending to say. Cobra what do you mean? I don't get it.. I'm teasing you about how you get insight into this. Playing hard to get with your BF... so he feels his love is unrequited. Ok... so maybe I'm not funny!
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I have no idea what you call it, but it's happened to me (and still is). My best friend's sister. I put myself in the friend zone because I didn't want it to affect my relationship with my friend and his family. In the 11 years I've known her, only the last 4 years I haven't had strong feelings for her. Lost contact with her, and she and my STBXW didn't get along well. My divorce is nearly final, and I had the opportunity to talk to her again a couple months back, and instantly rekindled everything for me. Now she's in a LTR, and I'm still stuck in the friend zone. I regret not trying for more now.... Wow I can't imagine this-how did you have enough feelings for your wife at the time you married to forget about pursuing or taking a real chance with her? I don't know how long your marriage lasted but if I held a flame for someone and potential existed-no way I could move on to another without knowing if it was more...!!
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Clear as a bell to me. But then I know what your intending to say. I'm teasing you about how you get insight into this. Playing hard to get with your BF... so he feels his love is unrequited. Ok... so maybe I'm not funny! Oh ahhh I get it! I wouldn't say I played hard to get so much as playing at giving him a hard time! Oh no my internet humor bombed again. Let's pretend that was funny.
Pedigree Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Guys LOVE unrequited love, it is the ultimate in non commitment while getting to feel all the emotions by default. To me, It's one thing to enjoy being in the same room with a girl you have a crush on, it's another thing to be by yourself after the school/uni/work/party etc. is over and realizing that she probably doesn't know you feel this way. From personal experience, the latter is certainly not a good feeling and I don't think anyone should settle for unrequited love.
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I have no idea what you call it, but it's happened to me (and still is). My best friend's sister. I put myself in the friend zone because I didn't want it to affect my relationship with my friend and his family. In the 11 years I've known her, only the last 4 years I haven't had strong feelings for her. Lost contact with her, and she and my STBXW didn't get along well. My divorce is nearly final, and I had the opportunity to talk to her again a couple months back, and instantly rekindled everything for me. Now she's in a LTR, and I'm still stuck in the friend zone. I regret not trying for more now.... I meant to say this: Wow I can't imagine going through this! 11 years you had strong feelings? -How did you have enough feelings for your wife at the time you married her to forget about pursuing or taking a real chance with your friend's sister? I can't even imagine that. I don't know how long your marriage lasted but if I held a flame for someone and some potential existed but no move was made -no way I could move on to another without knowing one way or the other...!! It wouldn't be fair to a future SO and it wouldn't have been fair to myself..... sounds torturous. Why didn't you try sooner?
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 To me, It's one thing to enjoy being in the same room with a girl you have a crush on, it's another thing to be by yourself after the school/uni/work/party etc. is over and realizing that she probably doesn't know you feel this way. From personal experience, the latter is certainly not a good feeling and I don't think anyone should settle for unrequited love. I agree-but why not just get it over with? Just try it! I think I am mostly confused about when it is the unrequited love where the girl says she is not interested except as a friend and the guy stays friends anyway hoping, pining, hoping. I would never be able to do that. If someone expressed a clear lack of interest in me if I felt that way for them, that would close the door no looking back. No way I'd be pining, pining for what? Nothing would shut me off faster. It all confounds me-pursuing unrequited love.
Pedigree Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I agree-but why not just get it over with? Exactly. Which is why, one should make a move if one feels that way. Doesn't matter if they get rejected because getting over a rejection certainly beats getting over unrequited love. I think I am mostly confused about when it is the unrequited love where the girl says she is not interested except as a friend and the guy stays friends anyway hoping, pining, hoping. I would never be able to do that That's certainly up the guy in question to get over her. If this happen, it's simply put, wishful thinking. I don't think it has anything to do with wanting non-commitment whilst getting the emotion.
Cobra_X30 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 sounds torturous. Why didn't you try sooner? To make amends for my bombed joke... I will assist with an answer from personal experience. Timing plays a huge role. I've never been willing to wait for someone to become single. Also not wanting to mess things up. Sometimes its so nice just to be a part of someone's life... you dont want to take the risk of losing that.
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 That's certainly up the guy in question to get over her. If this happen, it's simply put, wishful thinking. I don't think it has anything to do with wanting non-commitment whilst getting the emotion. Yeah that makes more sense, what you said. I guess because it is hard for me to relate to my original speculation was really off.
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 To make amends for my bombed joke... I will assist with an answer from personal experience. Timing plays a huge role. I've never been willing to wait for someone to become single. Also not wanting to mess things up. Sometimes its so nice just to be a part of someone's life... you dont want to take the risk of losing that. ha you don't have to make amends or I'll be playing catch up with my bombed jokes! Okay these answers make more sense now, I can understand that. If it didn't work out you'd lose a lot.
Saxis Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I meant to say this: Wow I can't imagine going through this! 11 years you had strong feelings? -How did you have enough feelings for your wife at the time you married her to forget about pursuing or taking a real chance with your friend's sister? I can't even imagine that. I don't know how long your marriage lasted but if I held a flame for someone and some potential existed but no move was made -no way I could move on to another without knowing one way or the other...!! It wouldn't be fair to a future SO and it wouldn't have been fair to myself..... sounds torturous. Why didn't you try sooner? I've known her for 11 years. About 6 years of strong feelings. The first year I just thought of her as my friend's sister, but I visited their house alot, and became good friends with the rest of his family also. Feelings devoloped, and after 5 years or so, I kinda gave up pursuing it. She went to camp for the summer, got a boyfriend, and I just moved on. Started dating my W the next year, and was with her for 4 years. Guess I'm starting the 11th year now. I had to move on... she was with someone else by that time. Probably got tired of waiting around for me. She invited me to all kinds of dances and things... I was pretty much an idiot!
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I've known her for 11 years. About 6 years of strong feelings. The first year I just thought of her as my friend's sister, but I visited their house alot, and became good friends with the rest of his family also. Feelings devoloped, and after 5 years or so, I kinda gave up pursuing it. She went to camp for the summer, got a boyfriend, and I just moved on. Started dating my W the next year, and was with her for 4 years. Guess I'm starting the 11th year now. I had to move on... she was with someone else by that time. Probably got tired of waiting around for me. She invited me to all kinds of dances and things... I was pretty much an idiot! Since you mentioned your wife and her in a close time frame and that your wife didn't like her-would you say you held a torch for the sister of your friend during your marriage? I've read things on here where a guy will say well since my wife wasn't making me happy I started to want to be with the friend I crushed on previous to her. Which came first- the marriage diodn't work because of the presence of old crush or due to disappointing marriage feelings for old crush returned??
Saxis Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Since you mentioned your wife and her in a close time frame and that your wife didn't like her-would you say you held a torch for the sister of your friend during your marriage? I've read things on here where a guy will say well since my wife wasn't making me happy I started to want to be with the friend I crushed on previous to her. Which came first- the marriage diodn't work because of the presence of old crush or due to disappointing marriage feelings for old crush returned?? They were about a year apart, but my W had known how I felt about her. She had never met her, but when we started dating and she did, there was instant tension. There was eventually an argument and some name calling, and we cut contact from her. I wasn't too happy with either one of them, and it was not fun being stuck in the middle of it. I never bounced between the two though. My feelings for the sister dropped off, but it took almost nothing to rekindle them. It was just on chance that she was in town and we had time to talk. I found out then that my W had written threatening letters to her even...
Cobra_X30 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I've known her for 11 years. About 6 years of strong feelings. The first year I just thought of her as my friend's sister, but I visited their house alot, and became good friends with the rest of his family also. Feelings devoloped, and after 5 years or so, I kinda gave up pursuing it. She went to camp for the summer, got a boyfriend, and I just moved on. Started dating my W the next year, and was with her for 4 years. Guess I'm starting the 11th year now. I had to move on... she was with someone else by that time. Probably got tired of waiting around for me. She invited me to all kinds of dances and things... I was pretty much an idiot! Whatever Saxis! It's never too late! You want a link to my thread on Girlfriend Stealing? It works if your good!
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Are you serious? While you were with your wife? And you had no idea? Wow i have to say-your wife must have picked up something...some kind of feeling about that.
Florida Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Whatever Saxis! It's never too late! You want a link to my thread on Girlfriend Stealing? It works if your good! OMG you're too much Cobra! I read that a long time ago -don't forget the last part.... once you steal her dump her: if you can steal her you don't want a girl who can be so easily stolen!!
Cobra_X30 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I found out then that my W had written threatening letters to her even... .... even when your wife was cheating on you? Sorry just finishing your thought.
underpants Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 once you steal her dump her: if you can steal her you don't want a girl who can be so easily stolen!! I like this. I think it is a good filter.
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