jilliant Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Hi everyone, I am new to this website. I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life about what has been happening in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We were living an hour and a half from each other only spending time together on the weekends. We talked every hour practically of the day and when we were together everything was great and I thought he was happy. Anyway, this October I was contacted by a woman saying that she had been seeing my boyfriend for the past month and they had a relationship and that she had no idea about me until she found me on this website with our pictures together. It turns out that he was sneaking out in the middle of the night to hang out with this woman(how she didn't realize sooner what was going on, is beyond me), so that I would be sleeping on not call him. I seriously never thought that he would cheat on me and it completely shocked me, it still does. I am 23 and people think that I am crazy for giving him another chance and I know I am, but I want to try to make it work. Things that I am having problems with are: 1. he is still coming clean about things that happened in his and this other woman's relationship...first it was he didn't have sex with her, just everything else, and then it was he did have sex and it was only 2 times, and then it was that he broke things off with her because of me, but now he admits that he was seeing her up until i found out...and I have been trying for 2 months to pry this stuff out of him...the fact that he hasn't been honest and has lied to me so much, makes me question everything...i go crazy wondering if there were other girls and he has been cheating on me the entire 2 years. We have gotten into a huge fight before and I caught him trying to pick up girls on a dating website during it. 2. i can't figure out why and he has no answer as to why he did it except for that he was lonely during the week? We talked like all day...you are lonely when you should be sleeping? 3. I know that looks aren't everything, but this girl was not remotely good looking at all, has nothing going for her, and is very obese, which I am none of...i dont get how he could go from a good looking girl with a career and goals to that... Since everything happened, he has moved into my house and drives an hour and a half to school back and forth everyday. He bought me a 900$ puppy and a million other things including flowers every few days and anything else that I ask for. He is getting a tattoo with my name on it and wants to get married. He has made a total turn-a-round with helping me around the house which used to be a big problem between us. He doesn't do anything, including wiping his butt without telling me now. I want to get past this, I know that he is trying, but I still don't understand what happened and if there is more that I just didn't find out about. I think a big part of the reason that I want this to work, is that I have a house and I take care of my sick Dad here and I have dogs and animals and a big house to take care of and I really don't want to do that alone. I really do love my boyfriend, too. If things could be how they are right now forever, as far as his personality and attempts to fix things, all would be great if I just knew that he wasn't lying to me.
abeliever Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 This is a tough one. I can't imagine going thru this while your taking care of a sick parent. That right there shows a lack of respect to me. Most who cheat never really come clean. It's a fact we on here have really agreed on here. So if you can live with not knowing it all. Then go for it. Once they get away with it and you take them back. Be very careful it is a green light for them do it again only next time they are much more cleaver with keeeping it a secret. I would focus on my parent. You will never get this time back. You can deal with him after the fact. I suspect you will eventually have some resentment for him pulling this in the middle of your ordeal. Which is completely validated. Focus on your dad, I will say a prayer for him daily. I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how your doing. abeliever
Cobra_X30 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I want to get past this, I know that he is trying, but I still don't understand what happened and if there is more that I just didn't find out about. Hmmm... He doesnt want to talk to you about whats really going on in his head. Why? If I were to make a guess... He doesnt want you to judge him, or he doesnt feel that you would accept him if you knew the truth. Also, I would assume based on your description of what happened and who with.... He has a need to feel powerful in some way. Also, he doesnt feel connected to you. That is why he can sit next to you all day and still feel alone. So, in the end... I dont think that any of his mental problems have been addressed. He is probably trustworthy short term... but you need to get him started on fixing himself.
cj1988 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Honey, NOT knowing will kill you inside, trust me I know. I have tried to deal with this for a year now and finally gave in for me and my sanity. I accused my H of an A, he denied, still denies, my gut tells me different....so it is either live my life with a liar and cheater or move on and find someone that is NOT ! I chose # 2! I am happy now and READY to move on.....it took me a year amd talking to others on LS to do so.....but I was with him 13 years....hard to let go. I was to shocked thinking he could never do this to me, with a larger, not as pretty at woman.....just proves, looks are not everything and some are just liars and dogs !
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