I'm broken inside...Just Numb

[UtterlyRuthless]

I really need some insight as well as I just need some of you to listen...so I'm gonna ask you to

please please bear with me and my long post...I needed someone to tell and finally vent out my

feelings but this is like the only place I thought of...

 

Have you ever wanted something, but you felt as

though you couldn't obtain it. You felt as though life was playing some sick joke on you because it

wasn't gonna let you have it. Have you ever felt as though the unreachable gave you hope but then ripped it out

of your heart? Have you ever felt as though hope itself wasn't lost but instead never existed in your life?

I've felt like this, and I can't help it but I still feel this way to a certain extent.

 

To be honest I think that almost every single

girl that I've been seriously interested in throughout the years has flat out rejected me. And all I can say is

that it hurts. I've almost always felt alone and any "relationship" that I've managed to start has either lasted only

a couple weeks or left me hurt. With women all my life all I've known to feel is pain. I really can't see why, because

I know that I'm not ugly at all and I know that I can dress and am good looking/confident from what girls have told me but I'm just so tired of being hurt.

I've taken a lot of breaks in the past where I haven't talked to any girls...but I just end up feeling so alone.

 

Just a couple months ago I thought that my pain was finally over, becuase I met this girl that was and continues to be

amazing. But we've just been talking on a very serious level. She's a little younger than me and has never been in

a serious relationship as well as has never been so close to a guy like she has with me. We click on so many levels

that it's not even funny. I've told her that I've been hurt before and she told me that she doesn't plan on ever

hurting me. But honestly speaking she's lately been causing me to be a mess and I just don't know. I understand

she needs her space as well as I do, but it's just that sometimes we talk like for 4 days straight and then I

hear nothing from her for another 3 to 4 days. We don't talk or communicate on weekends at all and this weekend all

I could do was think about her but I couldn't see her nor speak to her... It was hard. We've both agreed to take

it slow but I think I've been taking it slow and she's just slowing down more and more as the days go by. Sometimes

I wonder if she's loosing interest or if she's just trying to not get so attached for now because there's gonna be

a time that we won't see each other for like 3 months and then 3 more months after that.

 

We used to send like almost 9 long messages back and forth to each other every single day, but it slowly

started to drop to at first 5 msg's, then 2 msg's, and now no messages at all throughout the day, I'm lucky

if I get a message every 2 days.

I may be over reacting a bit, but I really don't know how to tell her how I really feel about this because

were not even in the relationship yet... I think she thinks every things fine of course but I know I don't.

 

When she calls or when

I call her I have to act like every things perfect and even though I hang up with a big smile on my face at night I

still wake up to another day full of doubts, loneliness, and "paranoia"... I know some of you might tell me to just

end it or something...but it's just that I've never felt like this for a girl before...I want there to be more

communication I guess but I have no idea how to tell her without sounding sort of mad or something. Because I'm a

person that'll tell you how it is, but sometimes thats not a good thing (believe me)... I think she might be

backing out of things a bit because of the time were gonna be apart but then again whenever I talk to her

its like every things perfect, one thing about her though is that she's always consistent on something and thats

that she likes me and doesn't want things to end...And I'm willing to endure all of this and more if I know

that in the end it'll be worth it...

 

I don't know sorry for the post but I really needed to vent...so please help, I'm going crazy here...

[UtterlyRuthless]

C'mon where are you people? I came here because I thought LS was supposed to be helpful, I didn't think I was gonna be ignored...

[Touche]

Maybe people aren't responding because they're not clear on what you're asking. What is your question?

 

The only other thing I have to say is that you really need to speak to her honestly. Guessing about all of this is not helping anything. And maybe she is afraid to get too attached to you since you'll be gone? I don't know. Just throwing out some possible things to consider.

[Freddy]

Hey man all the veterans are working. I know your broken and numb right now but you need to get a grip. I know what you said you have been talking to her but I didnt' see anywhere that she's your girlfriend or anything. You need to court her and forget about all the seriousness of your talk. Don't concentrate on her not messaging your or not calling you will just go crazy. Sounds like to me your going way to fast way to soon and maybe that is what she is seeing.

[UtterlyRuthless]

I guess your right, maybe I am taking it too fast... It's not like I'm depressed or nothing like that at all...I just don't want to get hurt again...there's only so many times you can get hurt before you just get fed up and start banging every girl out there for the heck of it...I'm not saying that I'm gonna do that but there's only so much you can take. I don't really want to accuse her or tell her anything without it being true because that could ruin lots of things...

 

I wasn't really asking a very specific question because I just wanted feed back and insight... I don't want to seem like I'm obsessing or anything like that because I'm not, but its just that now I'm gonna have to shift around my expectations of how things should be and how they should work in reference to me and her... It's not that I've had trouble getting a girl, its that I've had problems getting a relationship... I used to hate and despise commitment, now thats all I really want and it seems like every day that passes that'll never be a reality...sounds harsh but its just I'm fed up with all the BS I've been through...

[Touche]

Well that's part of life. You're not the only one who has ever felt that way you know. We've ALL pretty much been through it. Or are going through it. May I ask how old you are?

 

You sound like you're ready to give up. That won't get you what you want.

[JackOfClubs]

...sounds harsh but its just I'm fed up with all the BS I've been through...

 

Another veteran of the love wars, eh? Went through same thing...still may. Lost my religion because of it. Used to be a devout Christian until relationship failure after another got me thinking that God is one perverse *******: making me fall in love with a girl only to lose her for His amusement.

 

Girl I'm with now could do the same but I guess I'm an eternal optimist. Best advice I've heard on the subject I guess is: don't let your past relationships (or near-relationships) poison your current one.

 

You've got to treat each person in your life as a distinct individual with their own good and bad. Generalize and assume they'll hurt you because the others did, and your prophecy will fulfill itself.

[Touche]

Another veteran of the love wars, eh? Went through same thing...still may. Lost my religion because of it. Used to be a devout Christian until relationship failure after another got me thinking that God is one perverse *******: making me fall in love with a girl only to lose her for His amusement.

 

Girl I'm with now could do the same but I guess I'm an eternal optimist. Best advice I've heard on the subject I guess is: don't let your past relationships (or near-relationships) poison your current one.

 

You've got to treat each person in your life as a distinct individual with their own good and bad. Generalize and assume they'll hurt you because the others did, and your prophecy will fulfill itself.

 

Great post. I completely agree. Easier said than done though, but not impossible.

[UtterlyRuthless]

Yeah I'm 21...I know it sounds like I'm 29...lol But its the hell I've been through...I know everyones had their share of problems and many of you have been through a lot, but no one ever said life was going to be easy and my life's never been easy from day one...sounds like I'm whining but not too many things have EVER gone right in my life...Can't get into any of it, but thats all I can say. I'm not here so that any of you can empathize my problematic situations, I'm just here for feed back and advice...no need to flame me...Lol

[Touche]

Yeah I'm 21...I know it sounds like I'm 29...lol But its the hell I've been through...I know everyones had their share of problems and many of you have been through a lot, but no one ever said life was going to be easy and my life's never been easy from day one...sounds like I'm whining but not too many things have EVER gone right in my life...Can't get into any of it, but thats all I can say. I'm not here so that any of you can empathize my problematic situations, I'm just here for feed back and advice...no need to flame me...Lol

 

Wow, who flamed you?

 

I'm staying off your thread. I was just trying to help. You seem to have a very bad "down on yourself" attitude. Stop playing the victim and take control of your life. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're ready to give up already?

 

I wish you the best.

[Freddy]

I courted my last girlfriend for 8 months before we were actually official. I focused on having a good time, taking her out to diner 1 once, giving her a potted flowers, going out for drinks(1 every 2 weeks), calling at least every 2 days, making cd's of her kind of music, sending and sending emails all the time. She found me intridging and funny and then when I finally knew she was what I really wanted then I gave her the talk. Take this time to get to know her cause you may or not like in the end. Trust me though this can be hard work and your going to let some emotions get in the way.

[UtterlyRuthless]

Another veteran of the love wars, eh? Went through same thing...still may. Lost my religion because of it. Used to be a devout Christian until relationship failure after another got me thinking that God is one perverse *******: making me fall in love with a girl only to lose her for His amusement.

 

Girl I'm with now could do the same but I guess I'm an eternal optimist. Best advice I've heard on the subject I guess is: don't let your past relationships (or near-relationships) poison your current one.

 

You've got to treat each person in your life as a distinct individual with their own good and bad. Generalize and assume they'll hurt you because the others did, and your prophecy will fulfill itself.

 

Thanks! Great post, and nice way of putting things... I know I can't live in the past, and I guess being negative about this whole thing and life in general doesn't and won't help me at all... I'm glad you sort of understand, I guess. I'm a Christian and I know God ALLOWS me to go through these things so that I can learn and make my own mistakes...even if they are mistakes after mistakes.... Nothings perfect, life isn't perfect, and I know relationships sure as heck aren't meant to be perfect in any way...I guess I just seem to forget that from time to time...This was just something that I had sort of bottled up inside and I thought LS would be a good place to vent, since I don't trust too many of my friends with my issues and problems, cuz I'm not the type of person that stands up on a soap box and announces their problems to the world all the time...But here I'm anonymous so I thought I'd give it a shot...Lol

[UtterlyRuthless]

Wow, who flamed you?

 

I'm staying off your thread. I was just trying to help. You seem to have a very bad "down on yourself" attitude. Stop playing the victim and take control of your life. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're ready to give up already?

 

I wish you the best.

 

No one flamed me... I was just saying just in case...Lol

[Trialbyfire]

You seem to have a very bad "down on yourself" attitude. Stop playing the victim and take control of your life. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're ready to give up already?

Bang on. You can either be a victim or take charge of your life. If like knocks you down, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.

 

You also control your environment, in that you decide who you want to surround yourself with. Personal choice drives your life. Life doesn't drive you.

[UtterlyRuthless]

I courted my last girlfriend for 8 months before we were actually official. I focused on having a good time, taking her out to diner 1 once, giving her a potted flowers, going out for drinks(1 every 2 weeks), calling at least every 2 days, making cd's of her kind of music, sending and sending emails all the time. She found me intridging and funny and then when I finally knew she was what I really wanted then I gave her the talk. Take this time to get to know her cause you may or not like in the end. Trust me though this can be hard work and your going to let some emotions get in the way.

 

Yeah...thanks for the advice...Wow 8 months? I guess I am sort of taking it too fast... I'm just gonna take all of this in and reevaluate several things and take it slower... After all I guess I do have a lot ahead of me... I appreciate it much!

[UtterlyRuthless]

Bang on. You can either be a victim or take charge of your life. If like knocks you down, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.

 

You also control your environment, in that you decide who you want to surround yourself with. Personal choice drives your life. Life doesn't drive you.

 

I understand what you're telling me, and I wasn't trying to play the victim but if two different people have pointed it out then it might apply... I've never been one to give up, because I had been I would've given up on life a looooong time ago... It's just that I'm fed up with BS...Which in my book is totally different form even coming close to giving up... "Personal Choice"...Nice theory...I guess I'' have to reevaluate a couple personal choices...

[JCD]

Life is unpredictable so you must learn to deal with things as they come. It's not always going to be a smooth sailing. You can't get tired of being kicked to the curb and getting up. If you do, life is over.

[Dynamo]

Don't worry man. I came here with the same feelings as you, like nothing is really working out. But you just have to pick yourself up and keep trying. Life is hard, thats just a fact, but at least remember this: You are not alone. Everyone goes through hardships in their lives. But if success was easy, then wouldn't everyone be paired off in a happy relationship already?

Just keep on going, doing what you enjoy, and just improve yourself (not for others, but for yourself).

 

Good luck! And we are always here to answer any questions that you may have

[Lucky555]

the issues here is you have to not depend up on her to make the moves nor should you have to make all the communication. Surprise her by calling her geez that is not so hard to do. BE CONFIDENT with yourself. its obvious you two like eachother but if your playing the every other day contacting game its going to end in heart ache because its pulling strings on the heart. You need to develop friendship, and TRUST. Ask her how was your day? Hey i can't wait to see you again ? If you want to feel secure with this u have to make her feel secure with you. Ever think she might be scared that your being aloof or not following through? Ever think she might be feeling the same way? Laughter is the best, just if you feel like this you don't have to go all sappy on her but you can just say "i want you to know that i really like you and i enjoy spending time with you" SIMPLE FIX its practically a cure right there! Goodluck

[queenbee]

you are making it too complicated and if a relationship is going to work it cant be complicated thats what i have learnt, every one has been hurt or is going to get hurt in their life by men/women, get rejected, physically and emotionaly hurt but its all down to learning each experience should make you stronger and wiser for the next person to come along. i have started to belive that if it is meant to be it will be, no worries, no paranoia it will just happen.

 

i have just been rejected myself ! and it got me back especcialy as i really liked this guy but it just wasnt meant to be so you have to pick your head up and get on with your life, start be independanct and dont go looking for love and pick the first person that comes along because it may just fall back into getting hurt

 

Hope this helps..and im going man free for a while =) haha