Author lunaloki Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 that took me a minute! i just totally confused rupert holmes with john holmes HAHAHAHAHALOLOLOLOL freud would have a field-day with that one!
kkthxbye Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 If you like pina colada's and getting caught in the rain is just blaring in my head! They came together searching for something missing in their relationship, to find each other again. Corny a$$ song, but I'm sensing it being a theme to this sex site for comical evil tendencies. Kudo's for you for being so creative and devious. Perhaps he's just searching for something off the wall exciting that isn't happening in your bedroom, and turns out you got it in ya the whole time, he just went about it THE VERY WORST WAY. LOL I actually divorced my 1st husband for this. When the chatters began calling my home during supper, that's when I'd had enough of letting him play his reindeer games. I discovered that it was the thrill of getting caught that got him off the most, not so much as the actual sex talking. That was arousing as well, but with me watching over his shoulder monitoring, it was a game that thrilled him to keep it going. So this could work out two ways, it could end badly and you may have to just forgo the internet all together in your home (certain people will just substitute with another habit) or you can try to help fill the void that is creating this desire within him. Bring the thrill to him personally. Either way, he has to want to drop this bad habit forming. And it sounds like he may not do that. Dunno. I feel for you. Have fun ratting him out, especially in front of the whole chat room....Oh wait, that was me And yes it was freakin awesome.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Have fun ratting him out, especially in front of the whole chat room....Oh wait, that was me And yes it was freakin awesome. Nice, that must have felt awesome. Way to bust someone.
Author lunaloki Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 though ive had a lot of errands during the afternoon, and i've been going to bed early, he hasn't logged in (he has definitely had the opportunity), my replies are still unread and he hasnt sent any new messages or new ads... i bought him a new video game, that seems to be keeping him busy this is a good sign!
kkthxbye Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I don't like for one minute any kind of mistrust in a marriage. It makes me nauseated just thinking about it. Perhaps he just wants to experiment? something new, something to thrill him? I def could not let it go, EEK I hope that this works out for you. After my friend found porn on what was supposed to be music disks, he came straight to me and ratted out my husband. I don't mind porn, but interaction with it really bothers me. Good luck to you, I can give you pointers about dealing with sex site others should they enter your marriage.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I don't see why he doesn't just come clean about it. Honesty is so important in a marriage, and he should fess up to the whole thing.
Author lunaloki Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 true, tho' i havent asked him.... maybe i should.... i do agree with you priestess about honesty. i like to think that he wouldnt lie about it if i asked him directly. but my curiosity gets the best of me and i can't help but wonder how far he would take it ,or not, ....
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I think to along with that it's a thing of how long will he go before coming to you with it? Will he at all? I think it's easier when they come and tell you without you having to say a word. But then how long can you endure the pain of knowing he does this before you speak up to him about it?
kkthxbye Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 true, tho' i havent asked him.... maybe i should.... i do agree with you priestess about honesty. i like to think that he wouldnt lie about it if i asked him directly. but my curiosity gets the best of me and i can't help but wonder how far he would take it ,or not, .... The mystery is quite alluring, "how long and how far will he take this obsession?" I can completely relate. For my stupid ex, he took it all the way, gave them our number and sent pictures of himself naked and stroking it. Well, I gave myself all the excuses I could.... He wants to feel desired by others, he has self esteem issues, he wants excitement I can't obviously deliver, on and on I let him go with it. Even disappearing until all hours of the night when I thought he was working. Looking back at the exact crossroads you are in, I have to say just one thing. It was not worth the added stress he caused me to fulfill his fantasy. It was selfish to put me through that. He caused me worry, pain, doubt, mistrust, and in the end heart break. Although you are caught up in it now, and its good that when his objects of desire get too close he backs off, but still, something is amiss here, and you feel it. Otherwise you wouldn't be on here talking to us about it. Something is making you unhappy about this, he's causing it, and this might be something you can't live with later on. Will it creep up, this mistrust about his habit, later on in your marriage? Creep up when you don't want it too? I say air it out, get it out. Make yourself whole again, and figure out what level of trust you two have with each other. Trust is a must have in an intimate relationship, marriage or otherwise. I couldn't live without it.
Author lunaloki Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 thank you so much for your insightful post, you seem like a really kind person. your words touched my heart, i think i do need to think about this a little more, and how it makes me feel, how i can express that effectively, and then air it out. and i do trust him, i do, a relationship is nothing without it. it's like i'm trying to find a reason not to trust him. i have issues with jealousy and abandonment, always have.... i need to talk to him about this profile and these messages that he's sending and like you said "air it out", let him know how that makes me feel. i mean, how would he feel if i put up an ad looking for a lover during his work hours to come and boink me while he was at work? even if it was just for my "amusement" and i had no intentions to act on it?, because i'm sure that's what he'll say when i confront him, no matter what his intentions are, innocent or not. so, should i just bring it up? i thought if he asked for my phone number on the site (me incognito), i'd give him our home phone number....i thought about what i'd do to "bust" him if he took it too far, gosofar as to meet him like already mentionned in the pina colada song, but i didnt think about what i'd do if he didn't take it any further than what he's doing now. you're right, i need to talk to him about it. it does bother me and i am concerned. thanks.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 You choosing to bring it up is wise. It will bring the pain of not knowing what's next to a halt. Just remember, and I'm sure you know this, to do it as lovingly as possible. Make sure he understands you are concerned, and just want him to tell you what's going on. If he feels attacked he'll close up. We don't want that to happen. So do the old "I feel" and "I think" and no finger pointing to get him to open up and come clean. This way he won't be on the defensive.
JamesM Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 so, should i just bring it up? Yes, marriage is about open communication. Your talk with him may actually reveal what was behind his intentions and change what was wrong. As for the pina colada song, this is not a comparison. In that song, both partners were unhappy and both were seeking to cheat on the side. When they met, both realized that what they had already is what was best for them. In your case, you perceive that your husband is thinking of cheating, and you are thinking of setting him up. This will not turn out like the song.
Author lunaloki Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 ow my head hurts. i had one too many glasses of wine last nite and no more inhibitions and bam i asked him. i did it very gently. he didnt feel attacked, he was a little embarrassed, particularly about the man thing, and tried really hard to explain though im not sure he really understood it himself. we talked a long time about it, and we probably need to talk again, regarding our sex life....but now its out there. these things are so hard to talk about face to face! thanks to everyone for the advice...
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 ow my head hurts. i had one too many glasses of wine last nite and no more inhibitions and bam i asked him. i did it very gently. he didnt feel attacked, he was a little embarrassed, particularly about the man thing, and tried really hard to explain though im not sure he really understood it himself. we talked a long time about it, and we probably need to talk again, regarding our sex life....but now its out there. these things are so hard to talk about face to face! thanks to everyone for the advice... That's great news, I'm glad you got it out there and were able to talk about it. Now go nurse your head ache.
kkthxbye Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 thank you so much for your insightful post, you seem like a really kind person. your words touched my heart, i think i do need to think about this a little more, and how it makes me feel, how i can express that effectively, and then air it out. and i do trust him, i do, a relationship is nothing without it. it's like i'm trying to find a reason not to trust him. i have issues with jealousy and abandonment, always have.... i need to talk to him about this profile and these messages that he's sending and like you said "air it out", let him know how that makes me feel. i mean, how would he feel if i put up an ad looking for a lover during his work hours to come and boink me while he was at work? even if it was just for my "amusement" and i had no intentions to act on it?, because i'm sure that's what he'll say when i confront him, no matter what his intentions are, innocent or not. so, should i just bring it up? i thought if he asked for my phone number on the site (me incognito), i'd give him our home phone number....i thought about what i'd do to "bust" him if he took it too far, gosofar as to meet him like already mentionned in the pina colada song, but i didnt think about what i'd do if he didn't take it any further than what he's doing now. you're right, i need to talk to him about it. it does bother me and i am concerned. thanks. And also, to be fair and level the playing field, put yourself on the spot too. If he is willing to open up his sexual fantasies and come clean, the least you can do is come back with a part of yourself to share. It will thrust the trust back into the groove and respect will resume. Spend this time before you speak with him thinking about your own sexual and sensual desires. Things you might want to try in the bedroom. Maybe roll playing, so that you can be the chatter in the forum? Something to let him know you're willing to feed this sexual desire from him if you both can come to a compromise that doesn't include hurt, mistrust, and a whole private life. I'm glad we could help and keep us updated on your progress!!! I'm so excited for you!
kkthxbye Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 ow my head hurts. i had one too many glasses of wine last nite and no more inhibitions and bam i asked him. i did it very gently. he didnt feel attacked, he was a little embarrassed, particularly about the man thing, and tried really hard to explain though im not sure he really understood it himself. we talked a long time about it, and we probably need to talk again, regarding our sex life....but now its out there. these things are so hard to talk about face to face! thanks to everyone for the advice... Snap I totally missed this half of the page, @#$@#$ internet. These adds on this site are sheer fun! KUDOS to you for the courage! That was step one. I'm so proud of you!!! Do you feel a little bit better?? I would certainly. What a burden to carry, knowing this and not being able to understand. I do advise you keep this an open topic on the table, and give him encouragement to not hide this part of his sexuality, talk about it. Open it up, and bring it out into your marriage. When he begins to feel comfortable expressing this side of himself, you may see a relaxed more pleasant change happen. Don't forget to explore yours as well. Have fun with this part, adventures are the best!
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