lunaloki Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 so i discovered today that my wonderful attentive loving hubby has a secret email address, (the confirmation email with login link was in our joint mail box) so i went, and voila, it is totallly dedicated to receiving messages from a sex forum where people put up personal ads, and he actually has a profile talking about his large penis and says that he wants to meet men or women who want to suck him etc! ive always known he likes porn, that's "okay" i suppose that's "normal" for a lot of men, but here he is dialoging with another man who even said in one message that he lives in the same ZIP area as us who wants to meet him and they are talking dirty to each other, he even wentsofar as to say he always used protection! yikes, that makes me think he wants to actually act on this? his login date was only 2 weeks ago, maybe he's just getting off on talking dirty with a live person? AACK! i don't know what to think and i certainly don't want to admit to him that i logged in to his mail.... so i'm rather devious, i created my own account with a fake name and my own secret email address and replied to his ad as someone who was interested! any thoughts???
Suny1 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 PERFECT!! I love you already lunalokiii! Umm....I would for now... let my devious side take over and don't EVEN think about having sex with him again right now!!! Keep us informed I know you probably going through all sorts of emotions right now... Come vent on us..
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I second the above statements, and I think your idea is great. And I agree even more with not giving him any sex. I know this is painful but at least you'll find out the scoop on the situation. Better to know and hurt than not know and still hurt.
Author lunaloki Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 thanks you two for your prompt support! i'll keep you posted.... i hope it's just fantasy stuff, i can relate to fantasy
JamesM Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 ive always known he likes porn, that's "okay" i suppose that's "normal" for a lot of men, but here he is dialoging with another man who even said in one message that he lives in the same ZIP area as us who wants to meet him and they are talking dirty to each other, he even went so far as to say he always used protection! yikes, that makes me think he wants to actually act on this? Porn and talking "dirty" with a man are entirely two different things. While porn may be considered by some spouses to be cheating, I think almost every spouse would consider talking "dirty" with another man who lives in the area as cheating...especially when the talk involves meeting one another. He may not act on this supposed fantasy, but who is to say he has not already? I would be concerned. When you signed up on this web site, did you sign up as a woman or a man? It is entirely possible that your "loving attentive hubby" is looking for men with whom to cheat.
Author lunaloki Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 thanks jamesm, yeah well i am indeed concerned, it makes me pretty nervous, that's why i'm here... at first i signed up and didnt specify, but my "name" was kindof girly, i just replied very simply to his ad to see if he wrote back to get more info on "me". so i actually since then (yeah im obsessing a little over this thismorning) did a second username and email, as a man, and replied to him much more specifically, ie, replying directly to his ad and what he was looking for, as a man interested in men.... eek.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Good god. If this guy is talking dirty to men and planning on meeting up with them to be 'suck buddies,' then the LEAST of your troubles is infidelity.
Author lunaloki Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 thanks to you as well icallemasiseeem, i hear you! for anyone who doesnt know us, i'm sure this sounds like a major warning signal. to clarify for this thread, regarding the dialogue, there were two messages from this dude, and one reply from hubby. dude says "i like what you have to offer, my name is, i live in such and such area (near-by yikes!!)and i'd love to get together"...hubby's profile actually lies about his name, age and location (good sign), his reply was short, and he just said tell me about you what you look like, what your ... is like, etc, but he didnt give out any personal info, location or whatever, and he hasn't logged in since his initial post and reply.... really i dont think he's actually acted on this, i think i've been reading way too many infidelity stories on this site and i hope i'm being paranoid. i do think it's just late night after ive gone to bed porn site nonsense. he's always liked porn, but he knows i dont really care for it, so he keeps it secret. sidebar, i have lots of lesbian friends and we have several gay friends, we both love sex and both experimented in our youth and here we are now together many years and many lessons later with a beautiful baby. in our relationship he's always been faithful as have i. he is a good husband and an honest man, good to his family, my family, our family, and i dont know when he could possibly have the time or energy for an actual fling, in-between spending time together, being home with me every night and weekend, at work everyday, supporting me and baby (for now, til i go back to work next year), taking me out to dinner often, he'll even call me from the grocery store or the pharmacy to see what i need, he caresses my face and gives me a kiss while i'm sleeping on his way off to work, and he calls in the morning just to say have a nice day, he calls in the afternoon to see how my day is going and he makes dinner when he gets home. he'll even often do the dishes while i'm giving baby his bath. he's a real gem. really. he does have a "dark side" when it comes to sex, moreso than me, but we play games and stuff sometimes and we've always had plenty of good sex. less since baby's arrival of course, but steadily getting back up to par. anyways, suddenly i wonder what i'm worried about, it's surely nothing. i'll keep you posted tho'...
JamesM Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 he does have a "dark side" when it comes to sex, moreso than me, but we play games and stuff sometimes and we've always had plenty of good sex. less since baby's arrival of course, but steadily getting back up to par. anyways, suddenly i wonder what i'm worried about, it's surely nothing. i'll keep you posted tho'... What is his "dark side?" Would his evaluation of your sex life be "less sex" or sexless? If he feels neglected since the baby came and during pregnancy, this could play into his suddenly posting a profile looking for gay men. Having gone through four pregnancies and four new babies, I can say that it does have an impact not only on the amount of sex, but it also brings up many feelings of being emotionally neglected and put second in line behind the baby.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Would his evaluation of your sex life be "less sex" or sexless? If he feels neglected since the baby came and during pregnancy, this could play into his suddenly posting a profile looking for gay men. Having gone through four pregnancies and four new babies, I can say that it does have an impact not only on the amount of sex, but it also brings up many feelings of being emotionally neglected and put second in line behind the baby. I agree, James, but the gay angle certainly makes things complicated. Could it be simply that this is the first step to her H coming out of the closet? Mr. Lucky
Author lunaloki Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 hello, i went to bed early, to see what he would do, and thismorning, so far so good, no messages or logins. he followed me to bed, snuggles and i love you. i feel sillly for posting now, i've read a lot of posts on LS and you all are an awesome support system, but you can indeed get "riled up" about stuff. really i do think his dialogue with this guy was a random event and was just for "fun". maybe i'm wrong but seems to me that many normal straight folks have or have had homosexual fantasies...? i met a native american once at an indian reservation who said to me all straight-faced with his head-dress in the wind "whatever blows your feathers back" hahah. i remember way back when we first started dating and i told him about my relationship that i had had with a woman, he said something like "if you're trying to shock me you'll have to better than that". we agree that a solid healthy relationship is a straight and monogamous one, and that children are the meaning of life. regarding dark side, i probably should have worded that differently, maybe liberal or sex machine or animal would have said it better! "moreso than me" meant that sometimes i have to remind him that gentle and tenderness is good too. i don't want to go into details as i'm blushing! rest assured, i didnt mean violence or freaky sex game orgy stuff!
JamesM Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 i feel sillly for posting now, i've read a lot of posts on LS and you all are an awesome support system, but you can indeed get "riled up" about stuff. really i do think his dialogue with this guy was a random event and was just for "fun". maybe i'm wrong but seems to me that many normal straight folks have or have had homosexual fantasies...? regarding dark side, i probably should have worded that differently, maybe liberal or sex machine or animal would have said it better! "moreso than me" meant that sometimes i have to remind him that gentle and tenderness is good too. i don't want to go into details as i'm blushing! rest assured, i didnt mean violence or freaky sex game orgy stuff! The reason so many people on LS get "riled up" is because so often this seemingly innocent dialog turns out not to be so innocent. Your gut feeling at the beginning is what you should listen to. Yes, it may be some innocent thing, but actually putting up a profile that states he was/is interested in men is not usually just curiosity. While I can understand signing on a site for looking, this usually does not mean such details are put into a profile. Many sites require a profile, but they do not require details. I am glad you feel better about him today, but do not simply ignore those red flags. As for his liberal sex side, it may have something to do with his looking for sex elsewhere (or so it seems). Keep us updated. We do care.
Author lunaloki Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 thank you for caring jamesm and thanks again to all
Mr. Lucky Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 really i do think his dialogue with this guy was a random event and was just for "fun". maybe i'm wrong but seems to me that many normal straight folks have or have had homosexual fantasies...? i met a native american once at an indian reservation who said to me all straight-faced with his head-dress in the wind "whatever blows your feathers back" hahah. i remember way back when we first started dating and i told him about my relationship that i had had with a woman, he said something like "if you're trying to shock me you'll have to better than that". I don't think that anyone meant that his homosexual chat was "wrong" or "evil" in a moral sense. However, while I don't have first-hand experience, it would seem that me that marriage to a partner that seems to be at least testing the bounds of his sexual identity could be problematic. You should at least keep your eyes open. we agree that a solid healthy relationship is a straight and monogamous one, and that children are the meaning of life. You may agree with this but it sounds like your husband is re-thinking his position... Mr. Lucky
Author lunaloki Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 uh oh he replied to both.....i'm shocked... will keep you posted....
ElvenPriestess Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Wow! Don't forget to be strong and hang in there!
Author lunaloki Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 thanks priestess i replied to his replies, gonna see how far he takes it before i call him on it. the other dude hasnt replied. i'm so disappointed in him. he's really good with words. wish he would use his creativity with me rather than strangers. he even put up another ad, aimed at women.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 he even put up another ad, aimed at women. i guess that makes him an equal opportunity, non-discriminating cheater ... Mr. Lucky
ElvenPriestess Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 thanks priestess i replied to his replies, gonna see how far he takes it before i call him on it. the other dude hasnt replied. i'm so disappointed in him. he's really good with words. wish he would use his creativity with me rather than strangers. he even put up another ad, aimed at women. Yes, he really should redirect his creative juices towards you. He's really something. Hang in there.
Author lunaloki Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 yeah, equal opportunity....and yeah, wow, he really is something.... he didnt reply to my man profile message, where i told him i would love to meet him and asked for his phone number. he did reply to my woman profile message, where i told him i dreamt of a man like him.... no messages exchanged with original dude (a real person!). i'm feeling better about it, though i still can't believe he's being such a sleaze under the perfect hubby costume! yesterday we were talking about life and death, and old age, and he said he would rather have a shorter life and spend every day with me than a long life without me. i do still think (and hope, especially!!!) that he's just using this sex site as a "live" porn/fantasy outlet (where others use web cam or chat, he's messaging...) so far, two case studies (one real guy, plus me as a guy) : seems like when the message gets too personal or close to home he backs off....and he always steers the dialogue back to sex, and his penis. why do men think their penises are so great? guys really do think their penis hung the moon don't they? such an interesting phenomenon...anyways, i do believe i'll use this to my advantage to teach him a lesson about wooing his wife instead of strangers! as the woman profile, i have sent him a very hot poem, he loves poetry, telling him what i want out of a man, which indeed corresponds to what i want out of him. i need to get him so hot and crazy and full of desire and then tell him it's me, when the time is right. who knows, this could be just the spice we needed no other messages, no actual real people other than the first guy (who has for now disappeared), have replied to his ads hee hee i'm feeling so devious about this, but he's looking for trouble mister!!
Ms. Red Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 why do men think their penises are so great? guys really do think their penis hung the moon don't they? such an interesting phenomenon...anyways, Yeah, my H's idea of foreplay was to pull out his & wave it around & say, "you want this don't you? You know you do." i do believe i'll use this to my advantage to teach him a lesson about wooing his wife instead of strangers! as the woman profile, i have sent him a very hot poem, he loves poetry, telling him what i want out of a man, which indeed corresponds to what i want out of him. i need to get him so hot and crazy and full of desire and then tell him it's me, when the time is right. who knows, this could be just the spice we needed no other messages, no actual real people other than the first guy (who has for now disappeared), have replied to his ads hee hee i'm feeling so devious about this, but he's looking for trouble mister!! I love your attitude....turn it around & use it to spice up your love life. I hope it all works out for you.
Author lunaloki Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 your reply made me smile, and the "you know you want it" comment made me laugh, we'll see what tomorrow brings... ...more to come...
sunshinegirl Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 I get the feeling you think it will all turn out like the Billy Joel pina colada song ("Escape"). How do you hope this will play out?
Mr. Lucky Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 I get the feeling you think it will all turn out like the Billy Joel pina colada song ("Escape"). He sounds like Billy, but it was actually Rupert Holmes... Mr. Lucky
Author lunaloki Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 since my last update, no logins or messages on his part... what am i hoping? i'm hoping either he'll lose interest in the site, in which case i don't know that i'll talk to him about it, i could then "keep it in my back pocket" for future ammo if ever needed; or he'll continue to enjoy hot dialog with someone he can connect to (me incognito) and then when i reveal that it's me we talk about it all and it helps us to know and understand each other better and encourages him to use more of his creativitiy on me (high hopes!!!)... one important factor is that he NOT give personal information or telephone or meeting place or encourage actual contact, and that he not lie to me (ie, make a date and then tell me he's going to be working late)....if he does that, that's when i'll get really upset and rethink all of this. if he just uses the site for occasional entertainment, i suppose that's okay. at this point, his contacts are two fictional characters, both roles played by me.
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