How many women out there DON'T want children?

[quankanne]

ouch – TBF, you don't know what that mom is capable of doing until she's actually in that particular situation, nor could you second-guess how YOU would respond in that situation yourself. From what I've seen, parents somehow find what they need to deal with raising children, despite how it may look to others.

 

Many people look at this as being irresponsible, but i think they're just jealous that they didn't make that decision.

 

chosing to be childless is not irresponsible, it's just the option you've taken for the moment. It might change at some point in the future, it might not, but as long as it works for you, you really shouldn't have to explain yourself, you know?

 

we've been married a good while and not once have me and him gotten pregnant. Do I regret it? Yes, couple of specific times when I realized that we're the end of the line for our respective families, and esp. because his family name dies out when he does, but I figure God knows what he's doing, and I'm cool with that.

 

and as Miss Maris points out, there are a ton of kids to love among friends and family, and there's no feeling like being able to love or spoil them ... then give them back to their parents to deal with :laugh:

 

seriously, though, I see myself as the adult these kids can come to if they need to talk to someone who knows them and cares for them, but isn't so close they can't listen openly. There've been many times I've acted as a go-between for my sister and her daughter, and I'm proud to be in a position to help, even though I have no practical child-rearing skills. Heck, maybe that's the role people like the OP is meant to have – be an advocate on both sides for people who need her. Because being childless doesn't equate to being useless.

 

just my two cents

[Trialbyfire]

quank, I wouldn't get myself into a situation like that. It only makes sense that if you need to divvy up your attention to three in diapers, you won't be putting as much energy into each child, as having one. Pretty straight-forward, in my mind.

[Florida]

Your right Florida. Maybe I'm just jealous because all the couples have each other, but the pool of single friends is shrinking rapidly, while their group only grows. It starts make me feel like something's wrong with me for being so behind...it's humiliating when I introduce a new BF I'm excited about only for them hear the rumor a month later that I've yet lost another one.

 

I know FOUR pregnant couples right now on their SECOND kid....not only can I not relate anymore, it throws off any social opportunities with them...by the time their kids are old enough to leave home alone they'll all be out together having fun, while I'm stuck at home because I just started breast-feeding. Ugh! They have each other, I'll have no one, not even a man at the rate I'm going....saddens me!

 

You're forgetting the part where the divorce happens shortly after and they become single again with new child in tow. Then the re-grouping starts.

 

I am already seeing it happen around me, and to friends and family.

 

Things aren't always as rosy as they may seem, you really don't know what they go through behind closed doors- maybe they envy you just the same for being free of burdens, chores, and a future of different possibilities that could happen at anyt time.

[blind_otter]

quank, I wouldn't get myself into a situation like that. It only makes sense that if you need to divvy up your attention to three in diapers, you won't be putting as much energy into each child, as having one. Pretty straight-forward, in my mind.

 

There's actually a commercial that airs in my area, usually during daytime TV, advertising "the baby spacing dance". It's creepy that they actually have to advertise this, but it's a song about how you should wait at least 3-5 years between children. Which I thought was common sense, but hey that's just me.

[Trialbyfire]

There's actually a commercial that airs in my area, usually during daytime TV, advertising "the baby spacing dance". It's creepy that they actually have to advertise this, but it's a song about how you should wait at least 3-5 years between children. Which I thought was common sense, but hey that's just me.

Haha...I guess people overestimate their bodies' abilities to recover or don't have a clue. I thought it was two years though but they may have changed it in the last couple of years.

[blind_otter]

Haha...I guess people overestimate their bodies' abilities to recover or don't have a clue. I thought it was two years though but they may have changed it in the last couple of years.

 

What kills me is people who have "irish twins" as they call it - babies who are born within a year of each other (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Irish+twins).

 

I can't imagine squeezing out an infant the size of a hefty melon and then wanting to get busy immediately after that. I mean, the area has got to be a bit raw down there after birthing a human being.

[sb129]

The only problem with that is that a bigger age difference can mean other difficulties at the other end.

 

AND it takes longer to empty the nest. (cue- well if you want an empty nest, don't have them at all, although maybe not, as most people on this thread don't want kids at all).

 

I want children, for sure, but I want my life back at some point. I KNOW they are a lifetime commitment, but you can't be there beside them forever.

 

My parents had me and my brother when Mum was 26 and 28 respectively. (Dad is a year older than her).

 

I left home 12 years ago and my brother left home about 8 years ago- and they have a great life. They are in their early fifties, and still have a disposable income and pretty good health to enjoy it. They do alot of travelling and have a busy social life.

 

The only problem with that is Mum is now chomping at the bit to be a grandmother because ALL HER FRIENDS ARE!

[LoveLace]

3-5 yrs between kids? Oh, great, I'm already 31 without a boyfriend, by the time I can have one I'll be what 36/37 i'm lucky? Then I'd have to wait till I'm 40-something for another one? Ha! Well I guess it's a good thing I only want one then...I think...

[Trialbyfire]

3-5 yrs between kids? Oh, great, I'm already 31 without a boyfriend, by the time I can have one I'll be what 36/37 i'm lucky? Then I'd have to wait till I'm 40-something for another one? Ha! Well I guess it's a good thing I only want one then...I think...

Come on Lovelace. Don't think about it that way. Women are in far better shape nowadays, than way back when, when the bar was set at a particular age.

 

I'm a year older than you and probably won't be having any kids until closer to 40, if not afterwards. I'm in no hurry.

 

Relax.

[LoveLace]

It isn't that I think this is "too old" to have babies....if our bodies allowed it, I'd say no age is too old. Gosh I just took this OB class that probably made me too worried. What I worry about is what the aging does to fertility/pregnancy. By age 35 your chances of getting pregnant are only 10% I think it is? Or maybe it's 15 and 10% at 40...anyhow, the really scary stuff is after 35 the risk for EVERYTHING increases dramatically, everything for gestational diabetes (which can be controlled but still cause complications), post-partum hemmorhage (the #1 reason for maternal death), the list goes on and on....some things can be dectected early, others not so much. I honestly don't know what I'd do if an ultrasound showed my kid has Down Syndrome.

 

However I'm not interested in adoption...so I guess I'll have to risk it all..and not sleep a wink for 9 months?

[quankanne]

quank, I wouldn't get myself into a situation like that. It only makes sense that if you need to divvy up your attention to three in diapers, you won't be putting as much energy into each child, as having one. Pretty straight-forward, in my mind.

 

ah, but you'd be amazed at what people find themselves capable of doing when it comes to it. My mom drove from Oregon to Texas in 1967 with six kids, ages one (me) to 13 (my brother). Simply because it had to be done. Now, I can't imagine having to deal with a bunch of little ones at the same time, but obviously one can make it work; get enough space between your kids, and the older ones help watch over the younger ones. You just learn to make it work.

 

someone also once told me that the stuff you never imagined doing is different when you get into a situation where you just do it. Like kids. You can't imagine life with them when you don't have them, but when you do get 'em, you wonder how you ever existed without them. Of course, I'll have to take her word at it!

[blind_otter]

This whole issue about having children still amazes me. I guess because I'm still in the early stages of pregnancy it's not quite real to me. The only evidence I have is my occassional nausea and the fact that my waist is slowly thickening. When I was at my first ultrasound I saw the fetus move and it shocked me. THAT thing is inside my body? How weird. I guess some women feel connected immediately but I sure don't. I can't imagine how my life will change. Friends of mine just had their first baby and they seem constantly overjoyed but at the same time overwhelmed.

 

And my older sisters...well like I said before, they seem to have lost their minds. Not in a bad way, but they are 100% different from the girls I grew up with. For example their kids can be screaming around them and they can still have a conversation. It's weird. Like they can tune out stuff that I can't, yet.

[EYECANDY000]

I am for certain that I dont want kids as well.. I get the same response " oh you are young give it a few years".

Everytime I start doing like a five year or ten year plan , i never see kids in the picture. Ive also been afriad to commit to someone because I know they might want to have kids and I know I dont. The guy I am currently seeing now told me he would like kids in the future, but of course Im thinking to myself " congratulations on whoever you end up with...

[stillafool]

I never wanted children but kept my mouth shut about it. When I was in my 20's, 30's women just didn't say that. I'm in my late 40's and am still happy I didn't have them and never did want them. I think they are cute and love my nieces and nephews but that's it. My H and I are happy and people just dont' understand why we never wanted kids.

 

When I was a kid it seemed that all of my parents friends who didn't have kids seemed to have a happier marriage than their friends who had children.

[nashua]

I never wanted children but kept my mouth shut about it. When I was in my 20's, 30's women just didn't say that. I'm in my late 40's and am still happy I didn't have them and never did want them. I think they are cute and love my nieces and nephews but that's it. My H and I are happy and people just dont' understand why we never wanted kids.

 

When I was a kid it seemed that all of my parents friends who didn't have kids seemed to have a happier marriage than their friends who had children.

 

 

Funny...I think when you were a kid, people had kids because its what people do. i'm happy to hear you are content without. I sometimes worry that if I dont, then I'll regret it....but noone in this post regretted it. Good to know.

[stillafool]

No I don't regret it and I was never a "big career woman" either. I do love marriage though.

[nashua]

No I don't regret it and I was never a "big career woman" either. I do love marriage though.

 

i hope to be just like you someday...

 

married, no kids and not career minded. Thanks for the uplift!

[Kamille]

By age 35 your chances of getting pregnant are only 10% I think it is? Or maybe it's 15 and 10%

 

Woah you scared me. Information found on webmd. http://www.webmd.com/content/tools/1/quiz_ovulation_results.htm:

 

The average woman gets pregnant after four months of trying. But these odds change significantly with age. Here are the odds of conceiving after one year of trying:

• Age 20: 90% probability
  
• Age 30: 70% probability
  
• Age 35: 55% probability
  
• Age 40: 45% probability
  
• Age 45: 6% probability

 

As to the question, I fluctuate between wanting some and not wanting some, but I am one of those people where meeting the right partner makes a difference. I wouldn't want to raise children by myself. But since meeting my bf, I suddenly think children aren't so bad.

[lovesparis]

i found out when i was 17 that i "can't" have kids. i was devistated; i always thought i wanted a truckload of them...

 

as time has gone by and i've experienced more out of life, i do NOT want children. i want to travel. i want my freedom. i do not want to spend the next 18 years being slave to someone else's schedule.

 

i admit, i'm curious as to what being pregnant feels like, but not enough to actively try for it.

 

when i meet a man and start talking about exclusivitiy in dating, i always tell them my feelings on children b/c if they want kids, they need to know i'm really not that girl. and if they already have kids, that's a whole new set of territory for me. i think i could be OK with that.

 

and if i meet a guy, he doesn't want kids, we fall in love, we get married, he changes his mind.... or i am really in love with a guy who does want kids, i would consider having a child... but due to the medical issues, it probably wouldn't be easy, and i WILL NOT do IVF, or fertility drugs.

 

i would rather adopt a child for that kiind of money.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I sometimes worry that if I dont, then I'll regret it....but noone in this post regretted it. Good to know.

 

think of it this way: it's certainly easier and much better to regret never having had them, than to find you regret ever having them. once they're there, it's too late to go back!

[SidCaesar]

In my lifetime, I have talked to SO MANY people...usually women...who have told me "I love my children with all my heart and I wouldn't take anything in the world for them but if I had it to do again I would not have any kids." I've always wondered why they felt that way but have been afraid to ask.

 

Yeah, I hear that a lot too. Mostly from my own family. My mom, dad, and grandma have all told me not to have kids and, basically, how much better their lives would have been without them...always made me feel great. But I've tried to take that advice to heart.

[Carbine]

I definitely dont want kids. I've never felt any desire whatsoever to procreate. The main reason is because I don't want to ruin my looks (stretchmarks, expanded hips, saggy tits - UGGHHH!!!). It's something I just couldn't justify. Also, I'm an incredibly selfish person; I always put myself first and couldn't see myself having to bend over backwards to look after some screaming, stinking brat. I intend to spend the money I earn on ME. I guess also I'm a fairly irresponsible, short-tempered and somewhat violent individual so I don't think this would mesh very well with motherhood.

[quankanne]

their kids can be screaming around them and they can still have a conversation. It's weird. Like they can tune out stuff that I can't, yet.

 

it's a special Mommy Power, and ranks right up there with Eyes In the Back of Her Head and She Can Read Your Mind. Unfortunately, those powers abate as the kids get older, or so I'm told

 

I think the one that amazes me most is how a parent can tell their screaming, wailing child from several others doing the same at the same time. It all sounds the same to me ...

 

i WILL NOT do IVF, or fertility drugs.

 

maybe I'm being a fatalist, but I can't justify doing that kind of stuff to my body (or my marriage) just to get a baby of my own. I'd rather just foster or adopt, and help little kids who need someone than torture myself with medical procedures. I figure it hasn't happened for a reason, and that's okay with me.

[sb129]

I definitely dont want kids. I've never felt any desire whatsoever to procreate. The main reason is because I don't want to ruin my looks (stretchmarks, expanded hips, saggy tits - UGGHHH!!!). It's something I just couldn't justify. Also, I'm an incredibly selfish person; I always put myself first and couldn't see myself having to bend over backwards to look after some screaming, stinking brat. I intend to spend the money I earn on ME. I guess also I'm a fairly irresponsible, short-tempered and somewhat violent individual so I don't think this would mesh very well with motherhood.

 

Lol. Carbine, you make me laugh.

[stillafool]

I feel the people who chose to adopt a child rather than have their own are the truly unselfish individuals. I have so much respect for them. Most people just want to see themselves in a child and past on their own genes as well as have someone to take care of them when they are older. However that "who's going to take care of you when you're older" thing is going out of style. People are slapping their parents in retirement homes by the droves and don't want grandma living with them anymore. When I was a kid it was a given that grandma would live with us till she died, not anymore. I figure you'd better save the money you were going to spend to raise a child on your retirement costs.