nashua Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Hey everyone, I'm just wondering how many ladies out there are choosing to not have kids because they just don't want any? I'm 30, and have known for about 6 years now, that I'm not interested in having children. Noone seems to believe me! They all say...."oh, your only 30, give it a few years." I'm certain I do not want kids. I feel likeI am kind of a new breed of women, not interested in a family. how many others of you are out there? And what are your reasons?
Jilly Bean Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I could totally do without it, and I have a lot of gf's who are similar. Most of my gal pals are like me - opted for power careers over a traditional life, so even my married friends have not had kids. It's just not the end all anymore...
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Well I don't want kids, and I have a few friends who are the same way. I'm married, and too often people relate that marriage=kids. I've never wanted that. I even met a woman about 6 months age who is in her 40s, married, has no kids, and told me how glad she is that she chose not to.
Florida Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I'm pretty certain I don't want to have any children, I see them as more of a sacrifice. I would have to give up every bit of freedom and sacrifice my career, I don't see the benefit. Maybe if I won the lottery and was very well off, I would reconsider. Sadly, finances do have a lot in making my decision because my worst nightmare is to be saddled with a kid, financially dependent on a husband and then find out he is cheating. Or to look back on my life and think I gave up my dreams and aspirations to put it all into the child, and what if they are not so great? What if they are very ungrateful? No thanks, I'll pass.
BlueEyedSarah Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I don't want kids, but I think I am just saying that because I'm 20...21 next year so don't feel ready for kids or a family right now. I worked with children when I was age 17 - 19 (babysitting, nannying, au pair) and it has put me off having my own children for quite a long time!
Author nashua Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Well I don't want kids, and I have a few friends who are the same way. I'm married, and too often people relate that marriage=kids. I've never wanted that. I even met a woman about 6 months age who is in her 40s, married, has no kids, and told me how glad she is that she chose not to. I agree. My family equates marriage with kids (after they equated education with success) and so i'm kind of the odd one out...the one noone "gets" and the one who everyone wants to "settle down." I'm happy to hear there are others out there. It's not that i dont like them. I once dated a guy with two amazing kids. I loved his kids...and still kinda do! I just love to live life and do whatever I want. Many people look at this as being irresponsible, but i think they're just jealous that they didn't make that decision. I have been meeting more and more women who aren't interested in kids. It's a new way of thinking. This one friend of mine (who is married w/ kids) told me if she could do it all over again...she would've never been married, and never had kids. 6 months later, she's divorced and going back to school! You go GIRL!!! I hear you on the financial side of things too. I'm not a career success yet, and still live paycheck to paycheck (even w/ that college degree my parents spoke so highly of) and can barely take care of myself! Maybe my attitude will change if/when I beocme successful.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I always got that education=success bit too. I don't believe it has to be that way though. There are definately plenty of people who didn't get a degree or anything and who make a good living. You're actually MORE responsible for not having kids when you know you're not in a position too, Cairodancer. The irresponsible people are the women who jump into parenting without money or a clue and then it's the child who suffers. I don't believe that having kids is the ultimate cycle in a woman's life as others do.
amerikajin Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 So, um, let's say, hypothetically, there's like this guy who says he wants kids at some point in his future. Would you be interested in dating said guy on a casual, once-in-a-while basis, or would you not even consider it? I went on a date with this girl -- check that, woman -- this past weekend. She already has a kid but doesn't want anymore. I told her that while I wasn't in a rush, I could see myself having a kid in my future (certainly wouldn't rule it out at least). We walked back to her car and we kissed for a good two or three minutes. I call the next day but got voice mail, said I'd call back later but there's not even been any acknowledgment that I called and it's been two days since I dialed her up. Kinda bummed, but I certainly understand it - don't blame her or anything. I know that there's nothing long term but she was fun -- like that was the best first date I've had in a while. I'm thinking of just waiting an extra few days and just sending her a text to the effect of "I understand the situation - no worries. Enjoyed the date anyway. Feel free to drop a line sometime" (although maybe a tad more eloquently than that). p.s. sorry for hijacking the thread.
Author nashua Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 So, um, let's say, hypothetically, there's like this guy who says he wants kids at some point in his future. Would you be interested in dating said guy on a casual, once-in-a-while basis, or would you not even consider it? I went on a date with this girl -- check that, woman -- this past weekend. She already has a kid but doesn't want anymore. I told her that while I wasn't in a rush, I could see myself having a kid in my future (certainly wouldn't rule it out at least). We walked back to her car and we kissed for a good two or three minutes. I call the next day but got voice mail, said I'd call back later but there's not even been any acknowledgment that I called and it's been two days since I dialed her up. Kinda bummed, but I certainly understand it - don't blame her or anything. I know that there's nothing long term but she was fun -- like that was the best first date I've had in a while. I'm thinking of just waiting an extra few days and just sending her a text to the effect of "I understand the situation - no worries. Enjoyed the date anyway. Feel free to drop a line sometime" (although maybe a tad more eloquently than that). p.s. sorry for hijacking the thread. Hmm...thats a good question. i guess at this point in my life, I wouldn't get too serious with someone who REALLY wanted kids. As long as I know what i want, I'm not going to lead someone on with false hopes. As far as your date goes....you have no idea what this woman is thinking, so chill out a bit. Just because she hasn't called doesnt mean shes not interested in you because you want kids. or maybe it does, but just relax and give her a ring or text and say whats up!
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 It wouldn't be fair to any guy for someone like me who doesn't want kids to be in a relationship with him, I mean, let's say I'm dead set on "no" and he's dead set on "yes" then it just wouldn't work, and he'd feel like he's missing something.
maynicholas Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Well I'm still on the fence on the children issue. I'm 30 and just started my life over and I'm trying to get into grad school. By the time I'm finished I will be in my late 30's and it could be too late at that point. I also have a hard time justifying bringing a child into the world when there are so many perfectly good ones that someone else made and couldn't keep. So I may adopt later down the road if it gets to be too late. However, if I became pregnant before then (not that it would be intentional), I would happily keep it and adjust.
Tony T Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 In my lifetime, I have talked to SO MANY people...usually women...who have told me "I love my children with all my heart and I wouldn't take anything in the world for them but if I had it to do again I would not have any kids." I've always wondered why they felt that way but have been afraid to ask. I also wonder just how many people try very hard to act like they love having kids when they really wish they hadn't had them. I can't believe a woman, whose husband is not around or is neglectful, could enjoy two or three small, loud brats running around tearing things up, getting them up in the morning, bathing them, cooking for them, making sure they get to school on time, making sure they do their homework, taking them to the doctor, cleaning their messes, etc., etc. Is this fun...and for what? I didn't even mention the worry that someone will abuse them, injure them, kidnap them, etc. It's a different world out there.
KittenMoon Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I don't really want kids. It's not a career thing either- I just like my freedom. I want a traditional life sans children, with a partner who will want to travel, have fun, etc. That being said I'm geared up to be "Auntie KM" to about a gajillion kids already, which is just fine with me, as long as I can give them back! if i accidentally got pregnant though, i think I'd keep it, and be happy.
LoveLace Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I wish I didn't want kids, but I would be happy with just 1, long as dad was around to help, that would be feasible with a career too...however I don't feel the need to have a family any larger than that...in other words I guess I'm willing to sacrifice enough for 1 but more than that would just be too much...
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I laugh at my friends who swore they never wanted kids but ended up having them. Some have even become stay at home mothers, something else they swore they would never do. Your body does and will attempt to dictate that it's time to breed. If you're in a secure relationship, you might be surprised at how easy it is to change your mind about kids. As for myself, I've always wanted kids and will at least have one, with or without a partner.
LoveLace Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 As for myself, I've always wanted kids and will at least have one, with or without a partner. Sometimes I don't even have to really speak for myself around here......I don't think I'll ever be able to ignore my body's maternal instincts...they are getting to be pretty loud...
blind_otter Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I used to be dead set against having children. Then I vascillated between wanting them and not wanting them. It's a huge deal and if you think about it too intellectually, you'd never have kids. But having children isn't really an intellectual process. There's all that emotional investment. Obviously since I'm pregnant now I decided that I wanted to have a child (but only one, I can't afford any more than that). It's strange how your emotions and mindset change when you are expecting. I find myself staring at my ultrasound picture and tracing the outline of the little half formed fetus inside me. It's weird. It's a weird process. One that I admit I'm not entirely comfortable with. I'm not able to be all gushy and mushy about my fetus. It's just a thing that's there that I have to take care of and I wouldn't want it any other way. I also think it's funny how we can intellectualize ourselves away from our very basic animal nature. We are, underneath all the intellectual machinations, mammals with instincts that must be attended to.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 i am getting married soon, and we both are in agreement that we do not want children. i have felt this way since i was very young, and my mind has never changed, no matter how much people have tried to convince me that i will change my mind, and that they know me better than i do. i don't care that aunt mildy said she didn't want kids and then had them at 36--i'm not aunt mildy. besides, who said aunt mildy planned that? she might have felt devastated and backed into a corner. i know some people say "you don't know how you feel til you're actually pregnant." well, i was pregnant once, and thankfully, nature took its course before i had to consider my options. during that experience, my feelings didn't change at all. i don't not like children, and i would be a capable parent. i just don't have the interest in being one. i love the children who are in my life (those of other family members) and that's enough for me. i don't understand people who are actually offended when you tell them you don't want children...there's no rule that says you have to, and what it does it have to do with them? there are enough people other who don't want children and have them anyway, i think that's pretty disgusting and i'm smarter than that.
Cobra_X30 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Here is my humble opinion. If your too selfish to have kids... that's fine, but please, please, please get into some kind of therapy, because I'm tired of having to work around all the self absorbed career women/men. If you know you are going to make a crappy parent... it's probably because you are a crappy person. Go fix that! You dont need to have kids... Actually we have an overpopulation problem as is. Parenting should be a privelage not a right. Ok, I apologize for the short rant. I just have to work with some bitter career women and they drive me up the wall.
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Here is my humble opinion. If your too selfish to have kids... that's fine, but please, please, please get into some kind of therapy, because I'm tired of having to work around all the self absorbed career women/men. If you know you are going to make a crappy parent... it's probably because you are a crappy person. Go fix that! You dont need to have kids... Actually we have an overpopulation problem as is. Parenting should be a privelage not a right. Ok, I apologize for the short rant. I just have to work with some bitter career women and they drive me up the wall. Whoah Cobra, that's a load of what-what. I agree that parenting should be a priviledge but not wanting any, doesn't mean you need to get issues fixed. It's okay to be childless, male or female.
LoveLace Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Whoah Cobra, that's a load of what-what. I agree that parenting should be a priviledge but not wanting any, doesn't mean you need to get issues fixed. It's okay to be childless, male or female. I agree. And as we know there are millions of parents in this world who DO need issues fixed. If someone doens't want kids because they'd rather accomplish other goals in life, all the more power to 'em.
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I agree. And as we know there are millions of parents in this world who DO need issues fixed. If someone doens't want kids because they'd rather accomplish other goals in life, all the more power to 'em. Here's my rant. I feel that abusive parents should be lined up and shot. Children aren't acquisitions, they are a lifelong commitment and will one day be running this world. Invest heavily in them as such, instead of treating them like crap.
blind_otter Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Here's my rant. I feel that abusive parents should be lined up and shot. Children aren't acquisitions, they are a lifelong commitment and will one day be running this world. Invest heavily in them as such, instead of treating them like crap. I dunno. As an adult who survived child abuse and has grown up and gone through therapy in order to develop an adult relationship with their abusive parent I wouldn't necessarily say all abusive parents need to be lined up and shot. IME, just my experience mind you, my parent was abusive because she had issues of her own that needed to be attended to. The funny thing was that even as a child I was aware of this and in many cases I forgave her even while she was hurting me, knowing that she was a flawed woman who was too afraid to face her own internal demons. I feel compassion and pity for abusive parents.
Author nashua Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Here is my humble opinion. If your too selfish to have kids... that's fine, but please, please, please get into some kind of therapy, because I'm tired of having to work around all the self absorbed career women/men. If you know you are going to make a crappy parent... it's probably because you are a crappy person. Go fix that! You dont need to have kids... Actually we have an overpopulation problem as is. Parenting should be a privelage not a right. Ok, I apologize for the short rant. I just have to work with some bitter career women and they drive me up the wall. Hey Hey now... I'm not too selfish to have kids. Why does it become a matter of selfishness,over a matter of personal choice? And I do not believe I need therapy. I don't even have a "power career" to be a self absorbed career person. I also dont think I'd make a crappy parent. Matter of fact, I think I'd be pretty good at it. I just DONT WANT to! I just like my life free of the burden of children. I can travel to exotic destinations, go out on dates with my boyfriend and stay out all night, not worrying about the kids or the baby sitter. IMO, its people like you who are jealous of the childless because you yourself are regretting your decision to have kids.
melodymatters Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 This is in answer to Tony T's question. Biologically I suddenly really wanted a child at 26. I had been married for four years, so why not ? My ex turned into a nightmare and I was left raising her alone. For the first ten years, with lots of family love and baby sitting support everything was great. Now that she's a teen she's driving me nuts. THIS PART I CAN NOT DO ALONE ! I was a great teaching, nurturing parent for a 10 and under child, I am a horrible disciplinarian for a teen. This is the first time I want to "quit" my job of parenting and just run away, or go into a medically induced coma for a few years ! I guess if theres any lessons to be learned they are : 1) they don't stay cute little babies, or controllable elementary school kids ! 2) Don't do it unless you really feel like your partner will be a good parent EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT TOGETHER 3) Be strict when they are little and malleable, for when they get bigger than you, it's TOO LATE !
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