scottspark Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I have been dating a great girl for about 2 months now. She has been divorced for 6 months and has 1 child with her ex. She said the last year of their relationship they were pretty distant and didnt spend any time together. She caught him having an affair and he never contested the divorce and gladly signed the papers. She says she is over him and has no good feelings towards him. I feel like i can trust her, but she had to go to his house one day to sign paperwork for the bank and was there for 3 hours. She said he was begging for her to take him back and he tried to kiss her and touch her but she would not allow him to. Since that day whenever they exchange their child he talks to her begging for her back for like 30-45 minutes. This weekend it is their childs birthday and although we are having a big party for him at a kid's clubhouse on saturday, her and her ex-husband are taking her child there together on friday night. I told her i dont want her to go cause she doesnt need to take him with her ex and anyways we are going there the next day. She got mad and told me if i can't trust her it will never work out and that she's not going to leave me for him. She told me that she talked to him and told him he has to stop she doesnt want him anymore. I am a single father and i think it would confuse her son for her to start hanging out with his dad the 3 of them alone. She said he is too young to understand. Am i wrong to feel uncomfortable about what she is doing? Should i trust her if she's gonna let him keep begging her to come back and just doesnt put her foot down?
nittygritty Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Your not wrong to feel uncomfortable but you have only been going out with her for two months and her divorce is fairly new. It sounds like the two of you have kind of rushed the relationship. Why not take a step back and see how things go? I don't mean to stop seeing her or break up or anything. Just take a less serious approach to the situation and not react when she tells you about her ex begging her, etc. The two of you definitely need to talk calmly about all of it as well so that she is more aware of your feelings and the need for you to be a little bit more self protective at this time. The reality is that there are many possibilities so early on in a dating relationship with someone new. She could very well be having thoughts of getting back together with her ex or she could just be the type who enjoys creating jealousy games. Its even possible that perhaps she is telling you this to try to make you trust her more??? A bit more time will give you more information to decide what or if anything needs to be done about the situation. 6 months after a divorce the co-parenting kinks are still being worked out and it sounds like there are still some unresolved divorce issues going on.
Tinaforadvise Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I just want you to know that I have personally seen this happen to many people being I am a social worker of over 20 years. I have heard this scenario many times before. I hate to tell you but if she was alone with him for 3 hours just to sign paperwork chances are she did more than just push him away and tell him no. What did they do for the other 2 1/2 hours? They could have talked on the phone. Have you told her it bothers you it takes so long to exchange their children? No woman wants to listen to a guy that hurt them beg and would stop the conversation unless she is listening and considering what he is saying. As far as taking their child to the clubhouse together she should understand that they are not a family anymore and this could be confusing and hurting the child. Have you asked her why her ex cant take the child by himself? Especially seeing you are going the very next day. I would be carefull. Her talking to her ex should only pertain to their children. I don't think she is completely over her ex as she tells you. You have every right to tell her how she is making you feel and if she doesnt make some changes then she is not taking your feelings into consideration and doesnt care that much for you. So tell her how you feel and ask her for the truth of what happend that night. If she still has the need to be alone or spend family time with her ex let her go cause she probably wants him back. Good luck to you and I hope all goes well.
meridian Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Just hang in there i've gone through this. I have to drive half way across town to pick up my kids and my ex is always late. My current girlfiend doesnt trust my ex and i have even caught her driving by our exchange spot because some days i'm gone for so long. My girl says she trusts me but doesnt trust my ex (she too use to cry that she was sorry and wanted me back all the time). I would however worry about why she went to his house for 3 hours. Seems fishy to me, and I'm not quite sure why she wants to do that family thing with just her, her son and her ex. I'm thinking she's not over him yet. Tell her how it makes you feel and see what her reaction is. If she's understanding from your point of view maybe she will put her foot down. If she doesn't listen or gets upset I would start looking for a new girlfriend.
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