sedgwick Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 okay. so i just got some pics back from a photo shoot and i couldn't believe how much weight i've lost since the breakup. so that's one good thing that's come out of it, i suppose. i understand how snobby this sounds but basically it's like this...every few days or so i have some stranger (usually a guy) contact me through myspace and say, "you're so beautiful! your tattoos are amazing!" etc. i got approached a few days ago about being on a TV show about women with visible tattoos. i'm very grateful that people appreciate the work and that they think i'm attractive, but dammit, why can't this idiot hillbilly mofo figure out that he dumped a f*cking hot tattooed bellydancer? heh. partly i'm joking and partly i'm not...i mean, i've never thought i was particularly attractive, and i'll probably always think i'm fat, but i also know i'm a cool-looking girl with a lot of style. people are telling me stuff like, "you were too good for him, you were too good-looking for him, he just didn't get what he had." which is the kind of stuff your friends are supposed to say to you. but the fact that he doesn't want me makes me feel like none of it's worth anything. everything nice that people say to me gets crushed under the steamroller of what i'm imagining he thinks of me. i miss him so much. i see so many things in my day-to-day life that i want to share with him, but he's just...gone. i'm driving myself nuts imagining that he's with someone else and he's fallen in love with someone way better than me, etc. i want to think that love doesn't come any easier to him than it does to any of the rest of us, but then maybe it does. i don't know. in so many ways this just seems so ridiculous, that we're apart. like something went really wrong when it shouldn't have. was i really the only one who thought what we had was special? was it hard for him to fall in love with and commit to me, but he could with someone else? i hate this. i didn't even know it was possible to miss someone this much. now that i've had him blocked and ignored him for four months, i wonder what he's thinking. i wonder if he's realized he misses me but thinks i don't want to talk to him. i just feel like he hates me.
BalancenLuv20 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Obviously, I think this is just a case of you being too hard on yourself. I can tell from your post, that many men think you are highly attractive as I'm sure you are . Cheer up as it sounds like you have a lot to offer. I know deep down you are probably longing for your ex over all these other guys, but just do you and the world a favor and open your heart up again because I am sure there are many that are jumping the chance to discover what you have to offer. This doesn't have to be these myspace creeps randomly telling you you're good looking, but just anyone in general. You're ex isn't an option anymore as your blocking him out completely which is good so you need to write him out of the equation completely and focus on enjoying living and being drooled over!!
Ronni_W Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 ...can't this idiot hillbilly mofo figure out that he dumped a f*cking hot tattooed bellydancer? ...i also know i'm a cool-looking girl with a lot of style. Maybe the "idiot hillbilly mofo" <lol> did figure it out and ended up just too insecure to deal with being with a sizzlin' hottie? Then they end up with someone rather less-than-attractive (let's put it that way) that just leaves you asking, "WTF???" From your post, it would seem that the positive comments you're getting from friends and strangers are probably more accurate for you, than anything negative and hateful the ex might be thinking -- I wouldn't put too much stock into an idiot's thoughts, anyway . It is a b!tch when we miss people we know are wrong for and don't deserve us...hopefully that'll get easier for you as time passes. Best of luck.
kitkat289 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 hey Sedgwick I appreciate you so much for being able to do NC for soo long! And its the same with me...my ex is just very average looking or you could say below(some tell me) but I guess iam quite an attractive girl while its not the only good thing in me, my friends used to think that I was lucky to have such a down to earth,brainy dude with such a good heart and they would tell me "looks dont matter in the long run...he would always hold your hand and blah blah" They could never believe that I was in love with everything in me not just his nature,status in society and things which others liked.I was just so much into him and still that I cannot think of seeing anyone else and in these 5months of our break-up, none of my guy friends have come closer to being a really good friend like he was. Today I felt so bad while I was coming back home from college as I had been working day and night on my thesis submission and in every situation I could find humor while on the road.I felt so weird talking to myself and just giggling I realised how much habitual I had become of being alone and just liking my own company and with all these silly,funny things on my mind I really really wanted to share it with him.I was feeling terribly lonely also because I didnt go out much in last 15 days because of work and so hardly get to interact with people.It was such a treat talking to him after working this hard and tears fell down whenever I think of how he used to irritate me my asking what I had had in the breakfast and I was always so messed up with submissions,late n ight working I never cared for myself.He used to lecture me,scold me for ignoring my health...even our 2 years LDR never felt like we were apart.I knew whatever he had done throught the day as we used to talk atlast 2-3 times a day,Iam not usually open with eveyone and I've never shared so much with anybody in my life.In his company only I realised what I really am as a person and I also fell in love with myself.I never knew I could open out so much with someone and I realise now people around me see me as very jolly,attractive girl.I never got this much of attention in life....I mean people want to talk to me because I give them a good time and I realise he's also one of those and not that someone anymore who loved to hear my voice and was keen to know about my well being. He can laugh,cry,cherish the good old times and tell me how much he still loves me but cant just give me a stupid call and there I was....still calling him up and trying to make things hot like before.Nothing of that worked and now Iam back to NC.Such a joker I've been for him...I wish I was a lil more than the way he feels for me now.
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