Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 He got married last July.. he came for a visit, after a whole year NC. we talked on the phone lately but today I didn't expect him. He dropped in for a few hours... He brought the DVD from his wedding.. a real 'celebrity' wedding. It was amazing. It was sure nice to see him again. I don't miss him but I enjoy his company so much.. he knows me so well, he knows how to talk to me, what to say... he is 'soothing' . He is such a sweetheart... I told him that she (W) sure is a lucky girl! He has now become my 'best friend'...
GreenEyedLady Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 You're so funny Lizzie... Glad that you enjoyed his company...
Gwyneth Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 That's nice, but be careful. If you aren't looking to be the OW, try and see him as a brother and not an ex who you were probably very much in love with.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 That's nice, but be careful. If you aren't looking to be the OW, try and see him as a brother and not an ex who you were probably very much in love with. I see him as a 'best friend'... I used to be very much in love with him, we both were, but it has changed... I know he found the woman for him. I wasn't. We talked about this yesterday. He would do anything for me.. I know that. He said he will come back to see me from time to time.
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 With or without his new wife knowing? Or do you plan on meeting her, getting to know her abit at some point? See, if you two stay friends, his wife has a right to know about it. He would do anything for me.. I know that. He said he will come back to see me from time to time. I hope you're not implying what I think this says...
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 With or without his new wife knowing? Or do you plan on meeting her, getting to know her abit at some point? See, if you two stay friends, his wife has a right to know about it. I hope you're not implying what I think this says... If she ever finds out we have even been speaking to each other, it would be over. She would never give him one more chance and he knows it. She is extremely jealous and insecure. She still checks his cell phone bill. We have seen each other once (she is beautiful). He left her once to get back with me.. then I left him 3 weeks later, he then called her back. They finally got married, 4 years later. He loves her very much. I know that we could never be together like we were before... it's OK with me.. I want him to be happy... he truly deserves it. I would never ever try to 'ruin' his life. We are now 'best friends'. He took care of a rather big problem I had with my house in the country (problem with the foundation). He had it fixed and it didn't cost me a penny. And no we didn't have sex last night, but we kissed and cuddled. I know he will come back after my holidays, I don't mind seeing him once in a while. He is a great guy, I can count on him. He will always take care of me... He is the sweetest guy on this planet... too bad it didn't work out.. he has always been a very successful businessman... and he is a millionnaire now... shoot... oh well..
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 . I would never ever try to 'ruin' his life With that being said, out of respect for him and their marriage, you shouldn't keep intouch with him. You should be the bigger and better person, let him go... If she ever finds out we have even been speaking to each other, it would be over Then I do not understand why he would continue to see you, kiss you and possibly in the future have sex with you. What the F is his problem? OH wait, I know, he's selfish and only thinks of himself, screw what his new wife wants or feels. I am not taking shots at you, so don't think that, I just honestly don't understand why he would continue doing what he is doing, knowing that he has ALOT to lose, alot of heartache to deal with at home, yet he still chooses to see you as well. Makes no sense to me.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 With that being said, out of respect for him and their marriage, you shouldn't keep intouch with him. You should be the bigger and better person, let him go... Then I do not understand why he would continue to see you, kiss you and possibly in the future have sex with you. What the F is his problem? OH wait, I know, he's selfish and only thinks of himself, screw what his new wife wants or feels. I am not taking shots at you, so don't think that, I just honestly don't understand why he would continue doing what he is doing, knowing that he has ALOT to lose, alot of heartache to deal with at home, yet he still chooses to see you as well. Makes no sense to me. Yes I know.. but he trusts me. He knows I would never hurt him. We are not in the same town... so when he calls me, he calls from a public phone... I never call him unless I block my number (I rarely call anyway)... She has absolutely no doubt... We had sex about 1 1/2 yr after we ended our relationhip up until a year ago. He said he wanted to 'stay' clean.. he was worried about her finding out.. but now I guess the 'honeymoon' is over.. and they're back in the 'routine' so to speak. I have said it before and will say it again.. once a cheater... always a cheater (MOST of the time anyway).
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 but now I guess the 'honeymoon' is over.. and they're back in the 'routine' so to speak. And is he too lazy to keep the fire lit and continually work on the marriage to make it a good one? I hope they don't have kids together until he is able to stay committed and be a faithful husband.
Gwyneth Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I see him as a 'best friend'... I used to be very much in love with him, we both were, but it has changed... I know he found the woman for him. I wasn't. We talked about this yesterday. He would do anything for me.. I know that. He said he will come back to see me from time to time. That's fine--as long as his wife knows. I don't know if she has to be understanding or agree with it, as I don't think it's fair a spouse dicates who and who not their husband or wife can be friends with. I can see myself being best friends with some of my exes--actually, some of the guys I had casually dated in the past I am now very close to and we help each other out with relationship issues. It's totally platonic.
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 It's totally platonic. But in this case, lizzie is an ex and they aren't platonic. And his wife doesn't know and will never know. If she does, he'll be out on his butt, that is why I don't understand why he would choose this, unless he doesn't really want to be married to his wife.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 he can't have kids anymore.. his kids are grown-ups.. and she has two younger kids... he loves them as his own. He's always been a great dad. Maybe he will be faithful one day.. who knows... when he gets older. I know one thing for sure.. he would not try to have an affair with a stranger.. he has to trust the woman 100%. It's like, we're having sex because we once were a couple and we were very much in love... it's no big deal for us. We have no expectations for each other. He wants me to be happy and I want him to be happy. I tell him about some of my 'flings'.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 But in this case, lizzie is an ex and they aren't platonic. And his wife doesn't know and will never know. If she does, he'll be out on his butt, that is why I don't understand why he would choose this, unless he doesn't really want to be married to his wife. WWIU... a man can be married and remain married to his wife and have a 'ff' on the side. Trust me he DOES want to be married to her.. They are made for each other... I know that... I know him and she is perfect for him. He is not different than most MMs out there who are 'in love' with their W but wants a little excitement on the side. It's not like he's out there, in bars, looking for an A... We have known each other for 11 yrs now, lived 5 years together, I'm not a total stranger... I am someone he knows he can fully trust. That's the big difference. He would never EVER risk his marriage for an A with a woman he wouldn't trust. He's got too much to lose.
child_of_isis Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Most ex's will try for the secure and trusting f@kk of another ex. Evidently it is in their blood. Mine would jump on it in a second. It's not that I am special. Just familiar.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Most ex's will try for the secure and trusting f@kk of another ex. Evidently it is in their blood. Mine would jump on it in a second. It's not that I am special. Just familiar. Exactly... well said... not special.. but familiar.. and trustworthy.
noforgiveness Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Lizzie you are kidding yourself here. This man is not your best friend. Best friends can call each other anytime they want. They don't have to block their numbers or sneak to public phones. If he truely was your best friend you would care about him enough not to let him risk his marriage over a *&^%. You wouldn't be helping him hurt his marriage. Best friends don't do things like that to one another.
Author Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 I know what you're saying.. but in this case, it's more than just a lover or an ex... We are soo comfortable with each other... it's hard to explain... I want the best for him like he wants the best for me. We talk about everything.. his life, my life. It's a very special relationship with him.
Owl Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 WWIU... a man can be married and remain married to his wife and have a 'ff' on the side. Actually, he MIGHT be able to, but he shouldn't. There are a lot of reasons why he shouldn't. First, because she doesn't know and would kick him out if she did know. That means he's betraying her right now...regardless if its a 'best friend' relationship or not. He's betraying her, he's lying to her (even if its "just" by omission), and he's still emotionally investing in you, without her knowing about it. And by your acceptance of it, you're approving of it. Second, any of the time and energy that he spends with you that he's NOT spending with his wife kind result in him NOT spending that same time and energy in his relationship with her. A 'best friend' relationship with anyone of the opposite sex is always a risk. By sharing personal things with you INSTEAD of with her, he detracts from his marriage and creates a great chance of having an affair with you. Third, you have ALREADY been 'intimate' with him. It makes the chances of that happening again much higher. You'll find that one of the first things that any BS will INSIST on is that the WS can have NO CONTACT AT ALL with their former affair partner. For that reason. Its also the same reason why one of the most common affair scenarios that occur are with "ex's". Its too easy for a formerly intimate relationship to resume that. Things are great now. Been when the marriage begins to go from that "in love" state to the "comfortable love" state, a "best friend" who is an opposite sex friend and former lover becomes a VERY likely affair partner.
JackJack Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I know what you're saying.. but in this case, it's more than just a lover or an ex... We are soo comfortable with each other... it's hard to explain... I want the best for him like he wants the best for me. We talk about everything.. his life, my life. It's a very special relationship with him. All the more reason WHY you should leave him alone. If you want the best for him that is. Gauranteed you being his friend is not whats best for him.
smileysmile Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 Hmmm Lizzie. You are a joke. Your loving the fact that he left you and that he still can't let you go. What happened to sister hood? That poor woman he is married to. you are "best friends"? lol Don't make me laugh. You are bad as him. You say shes insecure? Can you blame her!? You should cut ties with him..period! Wish I knew her number I would tell her what you and him are doing and then she can dump him and find a decent loyal man.
OWoman Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 What happened to sister hood? That poor woman he is married to. you are "best friends"? lol Don't make me laugh. "Sisterhood" is a myth. Women are far more competitive and hating on each other than men who just take guns and have wars. Even from little - my daughter used to be in tears with some of the bitchy things other girls used to say to her at school because they were jealous and wanted to put her down. Besides, Lizzie is friends with the man, not his wife. She owes his wife nothing. HE owes his wife loyalty, respect or whatever else he may have promised her. She has a right to expect him to deliver on his promises and that's between him and her. But Lizzie's out of that one - her loyalties and friendship are with the MM, not with his W.
marlena Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 Hey, guys, give Lizzie a break!! She's not hurting anyone with her life choices. At least, she doesn't expect anything from these MM nor is she out to hurt their spouses. Everything is handled discreetly and with class (more than I can say about some other BSs and OW)! Plus she's honest. Simply because she chooses to have an alternative lifestyle doesn't make her a bad person.
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