carolinadandy Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Clearly I can't talk about this issue with family or friends, so I'd value anyone's opinion on this. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and things are really great. The only thing is that I'm not sure if he is bi/gay. On the one hand, things are okay in the bedroom, but there are some suspicious signs I've noticed. It's all really small stuff, but it makes me wonder... for example, it came out that he'd looked up Anderson Cooper on "wikipedia"... when I asked him why he just quickly changed the subject. In conversations, he'll bring up the name of a well known celebrity and say "did you know he was gay??" At a party a while ago, a guy joked about his friend being gay (even though he wasn't), and my boyfriend cornered the guy asking him if that was true.... not in a mean way, but sounding....curious. He says he thinks being gay is a "choice"... I think he WANTS it to be a choice so that he can choose "no". I know all that sounds small and insignificant, but this stuff happens a lot. He's in the military, and part of me thinks he's in denial and unwilling to admit his feelings. I really don't want to ask him because I would hate to be wrong and risk messing everything up... Have any of you dealt with this kind of thing, or simply have an opinion?? Thanks!
Jilly Bean Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Um, wasnt' aware that looking up Andersen Cooper on the internet is now a sign of a man being gay. I admit to looking up Pam Anderson once. Does that make me a lesbian? I think you are on some kind of gay witch hunt. Your "signs" don't seem to resonate with me at all as being great predictors of his gayness. If you are THAT worried, do this. Mention in casual convo that one of your gf's has been dating some guy for 6 months, and he just came out to her that he was gay. See how he responds.
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 What a complete and utter waste of manhood that Anderson Cooper is/might be gay. My apologies to the gay contingent but that's one guy I would rather be on the hetero side of the dividing line. It's funny that his name came up in this thread, because a friend and I were just discussing him today. Btw, I google Anderson Cooper all the time. I hope that doesn't make me sexually confused.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 You really want to know if he's gay? A guy friend of mine gave me this advice. You can try it if you want. Tell him you have a fantasy about him and you and another guy (whoever) and see how he reacts. If he's interested, or likes it, then you do have reason to worry. But if he sincerely says anything that suggests he is grossed out by it, then you know you're ok. And you can then play it off as "I was just messing with you anyway."
ShoeGirl Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 From what you have said it doesn't sound like he is gay, if there is more that makes you think that he is post it here... My ex is gay, I was with him for 3 years so I have some experience in that area.
Citizen Erased Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 You really want to know if he's gay? A guy friend of mine gave me this advice. You can try it if you want. Tell him you have a fantasy about him and you and another guy (whoever) and see how he reacts. If he's interested, or likes it, then you do have reason to worry. But if he sincerely says anything that suggests he is grossed out by it, then you know you're ok. And you can then play it off as "I was just messing with you anyway." Not really. He could either be bi, or really under the thumb
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I suppose that's true, but it could be worth a shot none the less.
white_lilac Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 My husband of 10.5 years turned out to be gay or bi, whatever he wants to admit to today. LOL You could try the whole threesome thing if you wanted to, If you find that he is trying to look at the other man, or wanting to touch him, RUN!!!! and Run fast. Otherwise your in for a long and devastating journey. It took me 8 years to finally realize the truth about my ex, I only wish I had known a long time ago.
stevessvt Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Does he listen to show tunes? How about Liza Manelli?
Mezzi Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 You are not a fool carolinadandy if you think your boyfriend is acting suspicious and may have gay tendencies just continue to keep your eyes and ears open.
Tyra Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 I would think that he is gay. If me and my man would have conversations, and he would, out of nowhere ask me if I knew that so and so is gay; I would have suspicions about him, honestly. I would feel as though like, why do you care if he's gay? And you said in the bedroom, things are o.k, but you notice some signs, what kind of signs? Just keep your eyes open. And if this continue to bother you, just confront him about it.
shadowplay Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 The best way of telling is breaking into his computer porn stash (most guys have one), because even if you ask him he may deny and deny. If he has any gay porn that's a huge red flag (obviously), even if it's mixed in with straight porn. If you don't feel comfortable snooping ask him in a roundabout way. Say that when you were younger you went through a brief phase where you questioned your sexuality. Say you've heard this is pretty common for young people. Then ask him if he's ever questioned his. If he says no, say "Really, so you've never fantasized, even fleetingly, about what it would be like to be with a guy? Not even once?" Whatever you do, don't ask him if he's gay because that will just put him on the defensive, and he'll be less likely to give you an honest answer.
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