My Mother; controlling,blames EVERYTHING on me..Tired of it!

[Jasmine8719]

I dont know how it all started...But I think my mom has serious issues and of course blames ALL of her problems on me. Well my mom got a divorce when I was about 7 and my father passed away when I was 11 (I miss him very much) Despite all of that I have always been good (Only had lunch detention when I was in highschool) I don't do drugs and I dont drink not promiscuous etc. I love everyone and I have always been very caring and giving and have done everything with a smile on my face.Im 20 and Im trying to grow up but I feel like my mother keeps holding me back. She has arthritis so she can't walk very well...Shes been trying to get a job and seems like shes putting on me that its my fault she can't get a job;and that I should "encourage her" and help her; why do I have to hold my 55 year old moms hand? I know that sounds cruel but all I do is help her ALL the time anytime she needs me (which isn't very often and for small things) She says she can't wait to get her "own life". Oh and she blows up at me ALL the time whenever I disagree with what she says even though she knows I'm right even when she asks for my advice and know Im write she says "your just a teenager you dont know anything"...She always thinks I'm choosing my boyfriend and friends over her and "why dont you want to hang out with me" I work 40hrs a week (10-6:30) and Im a full time student in school (4 classes) and all I wanna do is hang out with my friends and my boyfriend or go home and when I do my mom and I hang out and watch tv

 

honestly In the next year I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend and Is it wrong for me to leave my mom like this? Im still going to help her I most likely will only be 10 min from her

 

My boyfriend notices how my mom treats me and he hates it...She always tells him how I'm such a bad daughter (which Im not and he knows it)she always puts me down and never pushes me to succeed like my boyfriend does.He is always pushing me to do well in school and supports me in whatever I do...So if I decide to move in with my boyfriend soon is that choosing him over my mother?....I feel like Im trying to grow but shes pushing me back...I don't know what to do anymore...Now anytime my mom tries to pick a fight with me over stupid stuff like spilled milk, I just ignore it but it eats at me ya know...Im just trying to grow up. I even feel bad talking about her like this afraid of loosing her just like my dad

 

ugghhhh...I need pizza...Im happy thats its the holidays though :-) (im pretty much always happy) but this is bugging me

 

-Jasmine

[kkthxbye]

You poor thing! Good for you that you can find some happiness around all of that drama. It sounds to me like your mother is reaching co-dependency at all time levels. It sounds like she really needs help, but perhaps on a professional level, and possibly out of your reach. She may be having issues coping with some things. Menopause? The passing of your father? Or it could be as simple as a sadness that you're growing up, and she really doesn't want to face empty nest syndrome. All beit, there are better ways to go about facing these problems, but for some, taking our sadness out on the ones we love happens quite often. I truly wish you could make it known to her how much she hurts you, and I fear your pleas will go unheard. If you make an attempt to find her some help, you may be doing all that you can. Without your mum facing her own demons, you can't really break through to her, its tough I understand.

 

Listen to her, try to talk to her, and make your concerns known that she's not being there for you either-the table turns both ways. Do this for you. So that you can heal and live a healthy life. Find her some help, a friend, or even a therapist. But pat yourself on the back for trying-that's what we do when we love someone. Just remember, you have to be of sound mind and body before you can help someone else heal

[Dboo103]

I know exactly how you feel! I'm 18 just moved out with my boyfriend and my mother is constantly always trying to make me feel bad for her or make it seem as if everything that it wrong in her life is my fault. My boyfreind realized this as well and has taught me I'm not a little girl anymore and it's time for me to spread my wings and tell her how I feel. I suggest that you try talking to her I just did this to my mom 2 weeks ago I work with her as well as my father/brother I told her I feel like she's never liked me, she always puts me down but not my brother or sister. If someone made her feel dumb she'd make me feel dumb she's always been like that but finally I stood up to her and she cried but I stayed strong! She now realizes she needs to let go because I'm not her little girl anymore.