ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 i guess this could fall under dating, because that's usually when you have one of those. But I have to admit, I'm 23, and have never had the "O" during intercourse. I have during oral however. I'd love to hear from other women who have this problem too, men who have made it happen, or just anyone with good advice. (Doesn't help that I haven't had sex in over 2 months, but hey.)
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I was hoping for something a little more insightful
Kamille Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 It's taken me a long time to be able to orgasm during intercourse. What helped me: 1) ensuring clitoral stimulation during intercourse either by providing it myself or asking for it (usually when you provide for yourself your partner will catch on). 2) not focusing on the end result (orgasm), but focusing on enjoying how it feels (and being a thrill seeker). That's allowed me to relax and actually reach the o. Also, realize that not all orgasms have the same intensity. (in other words, stop trying to expect what you know and just go with the flow of how it feels). 3) discovering my triggers by playing with sex toys. 4) getting in a sexy mood ahead of time by grooming myself and wearing sexy lingerie. (I find that thinking of myself as desirable really helps me). 5) also, prolonged foreplay helps. The more I am in the mood by the time we get to do the deed, the likelier (and sooner) I am likely to orgasm. Get in flirtatious-sexy bantering e-mail exchange with your partner while you're at work. I still struggle sometimes even though thanks to point 2, it's no longer a big deal since no matter what, sex is always enjoyable. But like you, I would love to hear what other women have done or.... how other men have dealt with this challenge.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Wow. See now, I always thought that four play stimulation before hand would help greatly. Wish I had someone who was that patient. LOL. You know, I know the way to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse is the finger, never been a big fan though. And of course the expectation, you're right, I'm always expecting to orgasm like I used to with oral. Thank you. That actually helps. And again, any men want to give a SINCERE answer, do feel free to share.
nateman2384 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 The key is being with your partner long enough to know what "trips her trigger" so to speak. I agree with Kamille, find your triggers, so you can communicate that to your partners. Otherwise your man is going to be looking for the buried treasure with a shovel and no map.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 My triggers are pretty much what everyone else has said. My boyfriend uses his hand very well and knows EXACTLY the spot to use it to make me Orgasm. Also I've noticed that when I try to hard I can't do it because I'm thinking about it too much. It's hard to do foreplay beforhand sometimes because my bf gets real turned on but usually he will at least try to finger me or massage me. This gets me more in the mood, so I am more turned on during sex. Basically you just have to explore what works for you and communicate that to yor partner like the other posters said.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I hope to one day be with someone who will take the time to learn that. I have always been good at communicating what does it for me. You know I have never liked the finger though. And most people think that to be odd, but it is the one thing I have never taken pleasure in. Is that strange?
Dazed1 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I agree with Nate on this one, tho I am pretty new back to the dating pool. I am pushing 40 as are the women I have been dating and have found some very pleasant truths: Sex in dating is not the traumatic experience it was in HS and college. Meaning it is a big deal, but not the end all be all of life. The women I have been with recently have been very forthright about what they want and how, lol. I work hard at finding as many "buttons" as possible above the waist as well as good prolonged passionate kissing really sends us both. It also helps that apparently I am a rarity in that I genuinely enjoy giving oral, and will stay with it for extended periods of time. My favorite "technique" is to bring my partner to the edge several times but not let her go over... once I move to intercourse, start hitting those other above the waist buttons randomly and repeatedly.... she almost always goes off before or when I do. whew, I need a cool shower now! -Dazed
Lauriebell82 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I hope to one day be with someone who will take the time to learn that. I have always been good at communicating what does it for me. You know I have never liked the finger though. And most people think that to be odd, but it is the one thing I have never taken pleasure in. Is that strange? Depends on who is using their finger! My bf has good technique, other guys I have been with use it in the wrong way and it can hurt a lot.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I agree with Nate on this one, tho I am pretty new back to the dating pool. I am pushing 40 as are the women I have been dating and have found some very pleasant truths: Sex in dating is not the traumatic experience it was in HS and college. Meaning it is a big deal, but not the end all be all of life. The women I have been with recently have been very forthright about what they want and how, lol. I work hard at finding as many "buttons" as possible above the waist as well as good prolonged passionate kissing really sends us both. It also helps that apparently I am a rarity in that I genuinely enjoy giving oral, and will stay with it for extended periods of time. My favorite "technique" is to bring my partner to the edge several times but not let her go over... once I move to intercourse, start hitting those other above the waist buttons randomly and repeatedly.... she almost always goes off before or when I do. whew, I need a cool shower now! -Dazed I think we all might need one thinking about that!!!
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I agree with Nate on this one, tho I am pretty new back to the dating pool. I am pushing 40 as are the women I have been dating and have found some very pleasant truths: Sex in dating is not the traumatic experience it was in HS and college. Meaning it is a big deal, but not the end all be all of life. The women I have been with recently have been very forthright about what they want and how, lol. I work hard at finding as many "buttons" as possible above the waist as well as good prolonged passionate kissing really sends us both. It also helps that apparently I am a rarity in that I genuinely enjoy giving oral, and will stay with it for extended periods of time. My favorite "technique" is to bring my partner to the edge several times but not let her go over... once I move to intercourse, start hitting those other above the waist buttons randomly and repeatedly.... she almost always goes off before or when I do. whew, I need a cool shower now! -Dazed Wow! You are a rarity! I mean my husband, who hasn't attempted in over 4 months btw, doesn't have that patience! That's awesome on your part!
Lauriebell82 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Wow! You are a rarity! I mean my husband, who hasn't attempted in over 4 months btw, doesn't have that patience! That's awesome on your part! Yeah, seriously! My boyfriend doesn't have that kind of patience that's for sure.
Kamille Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I agree with Nate on this one, tho I am pretty new back to the dating pool. I am pushing 40 as are the women I have been dating and have found some very pleasant truths: Sex in dating is not the traumatic experience it was in HS and college. Meaning it is a big deal, but not the end all be all of life. The women I have been with recently have been very forthright about what they want and how, lol. I work hard at finding as many "buttons" as possible above the waist as well as good prolonged passionate kissing really sends us both. It also helps that apparently I am a rarity in that I genuinely enjoy giving oral, and will stay with it for extended periods of time. My favorite "technique" is to bring my partner to the edge several times but not let her go over... once I move to intercourse, start hitting those other above the waist buttons randomly and repeatedly.... she almost always goes off before or when I do. whew, I need a cool shower now! -Dazed Yesss! I'm one of the lucky ones!
sumdude Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I like to be sure my lovers are happy and have a lot of patience ... I like to take my time. Take something that feels good and make it last.. Like Dazed1 I do enjoy giving almost more than getting. Nothing turns me on more than turning someone else on and seeing them enjoying it. Usually it takes a while with the same person to really know what works .. and it really helps when they let you know ..
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I think I had that once, about four years ago. But ever since, I just haven't had the "want to please her as much as be pleased" experience. I see now that's half the battle!
nateman2384 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I like to be sure my lovers are happy and have a lot of patience ... I like to take my time. Take something that feels good and make it last.. Like Dazed1 I do enjoy giving almost more than getting. Nothing turns me on more than turning someone else on and seeing them enjoying it. Usually it takes a while with the same person to really know what works .. and it really helps when they let you know .. I'm the same way. It it is a huge turn on!
Kamille Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I think I had that once, about four years ago. But ever since, I just haven't had the "want to please her as much as be pleased" experience. I see now that's half the battle! Yeah definitely. That should be number one in my list. Odd though, I seem to always end up with women-pleasers...
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 ElvenPriestess, if you find the right partner, someone who you not only view as a lover first, but as a trusted friend secondly, you will relax. It's all in the mind/emotions and combustible chemistry. Once you relax, the rest comes naturally. The experience is very different between the two types of big "O"s. I find the "V" type, far more satisfying than the "C" type. The latter leaves you wanting the former. The more you turn up the heat on your partner, the more you get turned on. If your partner is giving, he will reciprocate in kind and if this happens, the two of you will be on fire.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 ElvenPriestess, if you find the right partner, someone who you not only view as a lover first, but as a trusted friend secondly, you will relax. It's all in the mind/emotions and combustible chemistry. Once you relax, the rest comes naturally. The experience is very different between the two types of big "O"s. I find the "V" type, far more satisfying than the "C" type. The latter leaves you wanting the former. The more you turn up the heat on your partner, the more you get turned on. If your partner is giving, he will reciprocate in kind and if this happens, the two of you will be on fire. My experience in the oral realm is the V type. I have read that some actually cannot experience this through intercourse anatomically.
reboot Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Just out of curiosity, how many women aren't happy without an orgasm during intercourse? My wife will almost always orgasm during oral (and usually several times) or when we use a toy, but only sometimes during intercourse. Since I also belong to that group of guys that really, really likes giving (although I think the guys that say they like giving more than receiving are confused ) it's extremely rare that we have sex that is intercourse only, so that's never really been a problem. I guess my question is, is how you get there as important as getting there?
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 My experience in the oral realm is the V type. I have read that some actually cannot experience this through intercourse anatomically. The two are completely different experiences. The "C" type is more intense and goes away quickly. The "V" type is more satisfying. If you're having one through oral, it will probably be the "C" type, since oral focuses on the "C" errogenous zone. The "V" type is focused on your G-spot.
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Just out of curiosity, how many women aren't happy without an orgasm during intercourse? My wife will almost always orgasm during oral (and usually several times) or when we use a toy, but only sometimes during intercourse. Since I also belong to that group of guys that really, really likes giving (although I think the guys that say they like giving more than receiving are confused ) it's extremely rare that we have sex that is intercourse only, so that's never really been a problem. I guess my question is, is how you get there as important as getting there? For me, if I can't get there, it's extremely frustrating, although it's very rare that I don't. It's no different than men, I guess.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Just out of curiosity, how many women aren't happy without an orgasm during intercourse? My wife will almost always orgasm during oral (and usually several times) or when we use a toy, but only sometimes during intercourse. Since I also belong to that group of guys that really, really likes giving (although I think the guys that say they like giving more than receiving are confused ) it's extremely rare that we have sex that is intercourse only, so that's never really been a problem. I guess my question is, is how you get there as important as getting there? The reason it's so rare is the lack of contact to the clitoris of course, which tends to arouse that factor. Are we happy without orgasm during intercourse? Well I know personally I LOVED to have oral orgasm then have him do his thing and all, and that was VERY satisfying. And it's not like EVERY time in intercourse we need to cum, but with me, I haven't had someone orally or otherwise do that in a long time, so if there has been no oral orgasm in a long time, then yes, it matters. If I come before intercourse, I could care less.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 The two are completely different experiences. The "C" type is more intense and goes away quickly. The "V" type is more satisfying. If you're having one through oral, it will probably be the "C" type, since oral focuses on the "C" errogenous zone. The "V" type is focused on your G-spot. Interesting, because when I pleasure myself it's not the C I focus on. And with oral I've felt the focus to be on both. I've also understood that to cum is more regular with the V. Is this true?
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