kitkat289 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Hi guys, I've found a guy here on LS who has done it all that takes to work on yourself and be a better,strong,attractive person.He's taken things slow with his ex and though its still taking a lot of patience to control his clinginess,insecurities, he is at it.The results have been wonderful so far and I just couldnt resist going through all his posts as they are filled with so much positiveness that is soo rare on LS. You must go through ALL of his posts if you really want to know the mantra. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t52900/ In short the only thing works when you are friends with the ex is CONTROL-you have to stop 'initiating' contacts in any form,shape and mostly attend your ex's calls but not be TOO AVAILABLE. THE NEED OF APPROVAL-we ask them if they missed us during NC or during this and that time,we ask them if they think we still have a chance in future,if they are seeing anyone or asking them to meet.Many of us are just still hanging with them bc our ex see a second chance but they tell us they are very unsure.So the right thing to do in such situation is to treat them just like a good friend,not show any anxiety,too much interest.Sometimes after many weeks of doing this we begini to think that now we should do something sweet but trust me that just makes us feel like we are back to square one when we dont see the expected response even after such a long time.So never expect even when you feel its the right time.Let their actions tell you instead of you asking for any hints and moreover, you shouldnt analyse 'their actions' when its time to check yours and see how well you are doing. I cannot type everything that I learnt last night.It took me 4-5hours but every second I learnt more and more.It was just like watching a movie and getting into that character yourself and getting to know that THIS IS THE ATTITUDE I NEED for my life,for myself (& not for the ex really) Go through Universe' all threads/posts for better info. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t52900/
starlite Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I do not look down on people who want there ex's back...but in most cases, why would anyone want to be with someone who clearly chooses not to be with them?
heartoutside Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I agree, but every situation is different. Somethings are no excuse for leaving and aren't worthy of a 2nd chance, while some reasons (And very few at that) are worth a 2nd chance.
Author kitkat289 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Its not for those who had a really bad break-up and for the right reasons which cannot be forgiven ever and the resentment cant go away.Nobody likes to play second fiddle and why would we give a chance or even think of giving a chance to a person who we can never trust and someone who cannot make ANY EFFORT even in the future for the betterment.If you feel that you had made a right choice by choosing such a partner and that things can be forgiven because both of you still love each other a lot, then there's no harm in learning about relationships.Every actions,every conversation of yours with the ex plays a great role in developing a bond so you just need to do it the 'right' way and stop doing some things just on impluse. So Iam saying it again that please do no think that you would do all that to get that 'moron' back...what is the point when he doesnt love you truly in the first place and trust me if he didnt love you sincerely,no matter how cool you play nothing can get him/her back. But when you learn to 'give love' the proper way,when you learn what it means to really 'love' someone,you achieve this power to keep things working.Giving is not about telling them all the time about your romantic feelings/emotions or sending them sweet memorable gifts or doing something really valuable for them.Giving is about "giving what exactly your partner wants from you". You must love and respect their boundaries and before that you gotta love your own self and boost your self-esteem. In simple words, if you truly love and care for them then you will not do things that pushes them away/repels them.If they are not replying back or not doing the way you are exptecing them, then certainly you dont know how they are feeling at the moment.It doesnt matter if you are at the moment feeling like a door-mat because for that only you, yourself are responsible and you are in that pattern of being treated that way because you have subconsciously become habitual of that and you love self-pity. Dont complain or puzzle yourself about their negative actions (if they still love you) because then you are not loving them,that is selfishness if you are asking something in return.Just remember to love them THE WAY THEY WANT.They dont want attention,so you dont give them attention but just assure them time to time that you are there for them but also let them know by your 'actions' (not words) that you are not going to wait for too long.I think I have grasped most of the things that Universe guy had posted the right way. I would be really happy if any of you learn the 'art of loving' and work on your screwed relationship (which ended but you feel 'strongly' that it has a chance). This is especially for those who are friends with their ex's and know that both of you love each other deeply.Love is a station,not a destination.You know things had been really bad, but if you and your partner still feel for each other,you guys can move forward (not getting back together,Move forward=learn from the break-up and work on the realtionship). Please do not even try if you feel your ex is not into you anymore because in that case you have to move on and work on yourself for the next relationship.
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Is there any reason why you've cross-posted this thread?
Author kitkat289 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 So that everybody could check this out...this is helpful even for our future relationships.
cant let go Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 caliguy makes a good point. this is something that i have hesitated commenting on because i don't want to come across sounding like a b!#tch but I don't really think it is ever necessary to post the same thread multiple times. I, and I assume many members on loveshack tend to browse through all the different subcategories on here. Of course i'm not trying to harp on you or anyone else but, it just doesn't seem that necessary in my opinion especially if you are mulit-posting in sub-forums that all fall under the breaking up, reconciliation & coping. but don't worry about it. no biggie.
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