Goodbye, my friend...

[Tormented]

My 21-year-old cat died last night. My little friend of over 21 years lost her fight against death, and she fought hard to her last breath.

 

She died as she lived...fiesty with a strong love of life. I raised her since the age of 8 weeks and she has given me years of love, laughter, comfort, and joy. She has seen me through my ups and downs in life...a marriage, a divorce, the birth of my son, my triumphs, my failures, my laughter, my tears - she was always there, unlike many people and things in my life...she never left my side.

 

Until last night, against her will.

 

She snagged her way into my life 21 years ago. Reached out from a cage she was kept in the animal shelter and hooked my sweater with her tiny paw. I turned around to look at this tiny kitten and instantly fell in love with her. Because my ex husband and I lived in a apartment that didn't allow animals at the time, I smuggled her home in a large purse - we later joked and called her our "contraband cat." She was so full of energy and life, kept us laughing for hours.

 

She grew into a beautiful cat...her long fur rich in black, orange, and cream color. She was incredibly smart and very affectionate. She never missed a chance to jump up and cuddle with me when I laid down on the couch to watch TV. And not a night passed that she didn't jump up on my bed, curl herself closely against me, and lull me to sleep with her purr. And when she sensed I was sad or upset, she wouldn't leave my side...butting my chin with her head and snuggling up closely in attempt to soothe me.

 

I awoke one morning 2 weeks ago to find her laying on the floor in front of the fireplace. When I walked past her, she let out a faint little cry. I knew then that something was wrong...terribly wrong. I quickly returned to where she laid and attempted to stand her up from the floor. She fell back on the ground in a limp pile and let out another faint cry. Panic hit me in waves as I gathered her up in my arms and cried.

 

Took her to the vet that same day and was told she needed tests and would need to stay in the animal hospital overnight for observation. I was told that they would know more in the morning, to call them early. I walked away in tears..and empty arms, feeling sick to my stomach that this was it - that she would never be the same even if she did pull through.

 

Early the next day I returned to the vet's office and was told that she suffered from diabetes, hyperthyroidism, and a possible stroke. It was suggested that she be put to sleep...that she had a slim chance of coming through this. I chose to fight for her life, even if our chance of saving her was small. After all the love, devotion, joy and comfort she had given me throughout all these years...I felt she was well worth the fight.

 

I've spent the past 2 weeks nursing her. Fed her with a small spoon, used a dropper to give her water, and gave her the pills the vet prescribed. She was so incredibly weak, but she still managed to look up and speak when she saw me walk by...and looked me closely in the eye while I fed and watered her. And for a few short days, she seemed to be getting a little stronger - tried several times to crawl out of the basket I bedded her in. And my hope began to build. Because I knew that if it was possible to lick this thing, she would be the best candidate to do it. She was so fiesty, so full of life...and I prayed her strong will to live would overcome death.

 

But she began to decline badly the past 2 days. She no longer wanted to eat or drink. The sparkle in her eye began to dull, and she tried several times to cry out...her little mouth opening but no sound came forth. I've spent the past few days holding her, rocking her while I cry...knowing that our days, our hours, our time together was coming to an end. Our long adventure together was over. It was time to say good-bye.

 

She died this morning at 2:00 am as my son and I held her. We watched her take her last breath...but before she did, I leaned down closely to her ear and told her I love her. I told her I'd see her on the other side, and thanked her for her love and comfort all these years. And then she peacefully slipped away.

 

We built her a box today and buried her under a huge pine tree overlooking a beautiful meadow. I asked God to keep her safe until I crossed over the bridge she has. And with that...I said good-bye to my furry little friend.

 

I sit her now and I am so torn up...the pain is incredible. What will I do without her? Who will comfort me when I'm sad? Who will snuggle up against me and purr me into sleep?

 

Who will offer me that kind of unconditional love...as she did?

 

Goodbye my friend. I will miss you...and I love you.

 

~T~

[marlena]

Wow, Tormented, this has got to be the most emotive post I have read so far.

 

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a kitten who under my care became a beautiful orange tabby that I loved to no end. I lost her years ago and to this day I miss her painfully.

 

Tell yourself she is in a better place.

 

Would you consider a sibling for your beloved cat?

[k10k]

Hi T

 

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure she had a wonderful 21 years with you.. and she will always be with you in your heart. Sending you a big hug xox

[climbergirl]

Oh tormented...I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my 16 year old cat, Ariel, just this past Sept., so I completely understand what you're going through. It hurts a lot.

 

But it's good that you got to hold her and talk to her in the end. I take comfort in that--she wasn't alone, or in the hands of strangers. She was with the people who loved her and she loved back.

 

take care

[KittenMoon]

Tormented-

 

Your post has me ready to cry, but you are so lucky to have had all these good years with your kitty, and even more so to be able to be there and hold her while she passed. She was able to experience her final moments in life with the ones she loved most, not in a vet's office, or out in the cold, or wherever.

 

A cat I loved dearly passed suddenly when I was a teen while at the vets for a routine checkup. One minute she was alive, the next, dead. To this day I'm sad she died away from home, and scared. My cat now is my best friend, and I hope to have the same luck you have when it's time for him to pass.

 

All my sympathies, to you and your family.

[Trialbyfire]

You had a wonderful 21 years with your best friend and confidante. No one can understand what it feels like to lose one of the family. My heart goes out to you, Tormented.

[niceguy27]

Im so sorry to hear about that...I have my own cat named Little Buddy. Found him on the side of the road as just a tiny kitten (I lived out in the country at that time so someone dropped him off). He followed me all the way home and Ive had him ever since. That was about 4 years ago and I dont know what I would do without him. He really is my little buddy.

 

I cant imagine what would happen if something happened to him so I feel for you. 21 years is a long time. My childhood cat did the same thing. She had cancer and fought all the way till the day we had to put her down. Heart wrenching to say the least. For weeks afterwards I swear I could feel her laying at the foot of my bed where she slept.

 

Take care

[memorex1970]

Hey

 

really feel for you about your loss.

 

I lost my cat to similar causes about 3 years ago,he(Sooty) was 23 years old.

I was totally gutted when I had to have him put to sleep,there was NO chance he wouldve got better.

 

If I was told that there was a small chance he may pull through then I would have made exactly the same decision as you,Im so sorry it didnt work out for you.

 

I dont think it would be a good idea to get another cat too soon,infact I never got another cat as nothing couldve 'replaced' sooty and Im sure the same applies to your moggy.

 

I got Sooty cremated and now have his remains in a little casket on the window ledge in my bedroom.

 

I will always miss him but 23 years as indeed is 21 years in your case a VERY long time to have a pet and all good things have to sadly come to an end...this as you know is the price we pay when we take on a pet.

 

All the best to you and I hope you start to feel better soon.

 

Nick x

[curiousnycgirl]

This post made me cry. A little over a year ago I lost my beloved Bopper - he was only 8 years old, and spent the last few months of his life fighting cancer. To the end he was a loving trooper. I am convinced he waited until my b/f and his dog were over, to say good bye to them. Once they were here, he crawled into my arms, purred a little and passed.

 

Bopper is the most recent loss out of a total of 4 beloved cats I've lost over the years - Eju was my best friend for 18 years (from when I was 3 until 21), Sam was a rescue and gave me 4 very happy years and Tisch who came to me as a 4 week old kitten who I had to bottle feed at first.

 

Each and everyone of them was special and I thank G-d that each knew they were loved their whole lives.

 

I wish I knew the words to make you feel better, all I can tell you is that in time it does get a bit easier - although you then read posts like yours (really beautiful) and it all comes back again.

 

Rest assured that you gave your little girl a wonderful and happy life. No one could ask for anything more.

[tanbark813]

21 years is a hell of a long time for a cat to live. At that age there isn't really anything anyone can do. As much as it hurts to have lost her at least she's no longer suffering.

[blind_otter]

I'm so sad to read this. I always pet my cat and talk to him and say "what would I do without you?" He waits by the front door every morning to be let in for his breakfast, and waits for me at lunch time and again after work. He always wants a bit of a cuddle after he eats. I'll miss him when he goes.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[so_sad]

Your post was beautiful and so incredibly sad. Take comfort in knowing that your cat knew that you loved her and that you did an amazing job of taking care of her. You did everything you could, including making sure she was safe and loved during her last moments. Overall, it sounds like she had a pretty great life with you, and that is what matters.

 

I am very very sorry.

[Tormented]

...to all of you who have responded to my post with your words of comfort and encouragement. I VERY much appreciate it!!

 

I know the pain will lessen with time but I just can NOT stop crying. About the time I think I'm cried out, here comes another wave of tears. And it doesn't seem to take much to trigger it. The sight of her cat dish, her favorite spot on the couch, the bottom tier of her cat post (where she loved to curl up in a ball and sleep), and especially at night when I go to bed - missing the warmth of her little body snuggled next to me. I just can NOT believe she's gone. And I'm having a hard time dealing with this...I really am.

 

I went to her grave yesterday and sat down next to it. Told her I miss her and will always carry her in my heart no matter where I am. And I have to keep reminding myself that she's not in that box in the ground...only the empty shell her spirit was housed in. I remind myself that her spirit is no longer confined to anything...that it's free - and it is waiting for me to join her. And as crazy as that may sound, I take some comfort in this thought.

 

I know the Bible doesn't address the souls of animals. But a thought occurred to me that made a lot of sense. If Heaven is a place of love and comfort (as the Bible states), then wouldn't it be reasonable to believe that God would include the one thing that has offered mankind comfort and companionship since the beginning of time? Why would God disclude this very important comfort that man has embraced throughout the centuries? My opinion is...He wouldn't.

 

And if I'm right, then all of us here who have lost our furry friends will be re-united with them when we cross over. Knowing Sushi (my cat) the way I do, she'd be the first in line to greet me!

 

I miss her so, SO much.

 

Again, thank you to all of you. And thank you for sharing your stories of loss...it's very painful.

 

(((((Group hug)))))

 

~T~

[Trialbyfire]

(((((Group hug)))))

Okay, here's where I balk. I absolutely refuse to sing Kumbaya together.

 

Here's an individual hug, instead. ((hug))

[Ssheena]

There are many, many, many pet loss support websites, groups, etc. People are slowly beginning to realize that when one loses a pet it is not "just" a pet and can be very traumatic for the ones left to mourn. My friend recently lost her cat and she was practically sucicidal and was having panic attacks and unable to sleep or anything.

 

There is a ceremony that you can find online, which gave me comfort, where every Monday night or once or twice a week people light candles for the pets they have lost and you can mourn not only your loss but other people's losses as well.

 

Cats and dogs are very, very stoic and don't show pain like we would (cats especially). I don't know if you made the decision to let her pass gently or if she went out on her own but having been in both situations, I prefer to make the decision for my pet. Most of the vets around here will come to your house.

 

21 years is such a long time to have had one cat. Rest assured that she knows how much you loved her. No cat or dog or gerbil or whatever will ever replace her in your heart, but like relationships that end badly, you will find room in your heart to love once again. Each of my cats has had and does have their own personality. From the one that used to stick out his tongue and look stupid, to the big bully cat that I have now that sits on his scratching post (now re-named smacking posts) and smacks us as we walk by, to the one that doesn't meauw as much as she squeeks, to the one that has an incrediable loud meaux. Seriously, I have had cats my entire life and this one is the loudest I have ever had - louder than the Siamese!

 

When you are ready, please consider rescuing not one but two!

 

I almost look forward to dying so I can see all my pets again.

[LakesideDream]

Tormented, I'm sorry I couldn't read your whole post. I lost my best friend, and my emotional lifeline Sept. 30. Mr. Kitty (one of his many nicknames) was my greatest joy for 14 years... I'm sorry, I can't type through the tears.

[Tomcat33]

Oh this post just brough tears to my eyes, how touching I SO feel your pain Tormented!! I can't imagine how terrible this must be. I look at my little pooh bear every day and wonder how it will be when she is gone, she makes me laugh and shows me so much love, no doubt this feels like you lost a human partner.

 

I am so sorry for your loss...