Cabbage Patch Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Ok my bfriend and I have been seeing each other for 7 months. We see each other quite regularly well we had been until he has started to work a lot and has been quite busy in the lead up to xmas. Since he has been working a lot I only get to see him a few times a week, when i used to see him more than that. He still contacts me everyday and is fine when i see him but I cant help but take it personally. I make a point of not hassling him as I know he is busy, but my question is, why do us girls take things like this to heart? I cant help but think he is backing away from me although he has assured me he isnt....am I justified in taking this personally?
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I wouldn't take it personally- especially if he is working a lot and is making it up to you in other ways. If things seem fine otherwise- I don't think you have anything to worry about. One piece of advice if I may- don't ask him anymore if things are okay between you. It might come off as you sounding needy- and even if you are feeling that way, you don't want him to know that. Just start being busier yourself. Let him see you have a life of your own seperate from your relationship with him. make plans with friends, fill in the time you don't see him doing other things you like doing. He'll respect that- I guarantee it. If he's busy with work, he'll resent feeling pressured to see you more and that could put a strain on the relationship. 3 Times a week is still pretty great. I don't think you have anything to worry about! Just make sure you don't turn it into a big deal when it's not... sometimes it's easy to get worked up over something that is nothing- and by doing so you could unknowingly create a problem that isn't there. Be supportive and care free when you do see him... if he's working tons, he's probably stressed and will appreciate and savour the downtime he has with you.
Star Gazer Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Great advice, D. I'd say the same thing, but it's always easier said than done, and I'm not necessarily rational these days.
lbj123 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I totally agree with D-List...definitely do not ask constantly if everything is ok, and also (don't know if you are doing this) but try not to call too much while he's working late or go on and on on a regular basis about how much you miss spending time with him. I have periods in my job that are very hectic and I need to work long hours in the office. My ex would constantly call and say "Are you almost done?" "How much longer" "I'm sorry to call again I just can't wait for you to come home". Although good intentioned, it annoyed me beyond belief and I would constatly think "why doesn't he have anything else to do!!?" Then sometimes I'd get home late and be tired and grumpy from working hard and he'd be like "I feel like something is wrong. Are you ok? You seem so down". No. Its late and I've been working for 14 hours! Trust me, it has nothing at all to do with you. In fact, I can guarantee first hand that he'd rather be spending time hanging out with you than having to be at work!
Author Cabbage Patch Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 thanks very much for that, i feel better now. I have made plans for the next couple of nights to give him a bit of space and work is becomng busier form me. Sometimes you just need an outsiders perspective!
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Good. Being more busy yourself is a great idea. By being busy and making plans you are already taking the pressure off seeing one another. It's always easier said than done... lol.
Author Cabbage Patch Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 ok thanks again, as i mentioned its so good having some advice rather than hassling him asking if its something I've done!! So yesterday he initiated contact and I havent called or smsed since then (i was out last night) and I thought i'd leave contacting him today to give him his space and then give him a call tonight. Is that ok or is that playing games? I once read somewhere that silence is golden haha (from a guy mind you!)
LoveLace Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Silence IS golden to a lot of men I know...if women couldn't talk they'd be the happiest species alive... I don't think what you explain is "playing games", your just trying to give him space and room to miss you. In fact it's probably what a relationship needs occasionally, especially if you see each other as frequently as you described. I believe in a healthy relationship, space is given without either one feeling insecure about it. I'm not calling you insecure by any means, though. It'll be just fine...there's a lot of people around here who'd give anything to see their SO that much...
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