omgitzjm Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Hi, i'm 16 years old, and I'm in need of some help. I'm currently in a 6 month relationship, and things have been going incredibly awesome with my gf and I. But she's been feeling sad about something lately, and it wasn't after the 3 months of dating that I found out that her ex bf won't leave her alone in her dance class. I was able to get her to tell me what's going on but she won't let me do anything, because she doesn't want me to get involved. Now, just recently i noticed that she had a cut on the side of her hand. I asked about it, and she told me that she got cut by a necklace while dancing. But really, her ex bf cut her with a knife. She doesn't want to get her family involved because she feels she's gonna be in more trouble because she went out with this guy, and her parents didn't like him in the first place. Now, i've got mixed feelings everywhere. I feel angry that she wont let me help, i'm scared that it'll get even worse and this creep might take it to another level and really hurt her. then I feel left in the dark, because I have to get this out of her and she doesn't open up to me about this when she doesn't have trouble with other things. Advice?
norajane Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 He cut her with a knife? Sorry, but her parents and teachers need to know about this so they can protect her. This problem is too big for you to handle, and too big for her. Her dance class teacher especially needs to know what's going on so he can keep an eye out and never, ever partner them. This could escalate very badly and people need to know so they can do something before anything worse happens.
Author omgitzjm Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I've been trying to get her to tell her parents, but she's being stubborn about it and won't let them. Should I be the one to tell her parents? If she won't act, should I act for her? What exactly should I do?
norajane Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 She doesn't seem to understand that this is far more serious than how mad her parents are going to be. Tell her that she's going to be in a LOT more trouble if he stabs her...the life or death kind of trouble, not the parents getting mad kind of trouble. Keep pushing her to tell them, or to tell her dance teacher. Tell her you will tell the dance teacher if she doesn't because you don't want her to end up dead.
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I agree that this is pretty alarming. If something worse happens, and it's possible given the violence of his actions that it will.... you don't want to be the one who knew about it and didn't say anything. This guy is a lunatic and the problem won't go away by keeping it quiet. Yes, both her parents and her teacher should know. He's violent... he's angry... she's scared. An adult needs to know and intervene. It might make her angry if you say something- but if she won't, and you don't.... He could do something worse.
Author omgitzjm Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I just got into contact with her, and she's gonna quit her dance. She still persists that she can solve this without any help, Should I still take action and tell someone?
LovesDog Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 If I were in your position, I would go speak to my counselor and ask them to intervene for you. This way the school can contact her parents. She can not be mad at you for saving her life....
Sunblast Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Here's what I see looking from my experience (I'm 25) on your situation: It's probably best to do something yourself but only if you think you can do it. If you think you can hold your own against this guy if he fights you, you can tell him to keep the f-ck away from your girlfriend and you'll kick his ass if he doesn't. If you don't think you can do it, but have a solid group of friends who look (from the side) like at least okay fighters and who will back you, go with one or two of them and tell him. If you're a wimp and all your friends are emo and in art class, you should tell someone like a counselor/principal/whatever or local police. The WORST thing you can do is to leave it alone. Because think about it: * biggest risk if you do something: you'll get your ass kicked (no big deal 3 days later) * biggest risk if you don't do anything: you're telling him, her, YOURSELF, and everyone else, that hey, it's my girlfriend, but it's okay, you can f-ck with her and cut her up. I won't stop you. Here's a knife, too, if you need one. So.. you really gotta do something -- and being tough in high school gives you access to better parties and women, too, which has a HUGE effect for the rest of your life (confidence). ****EDIT: By the way, all of your responses so far are "should I tell someone?" What happened to being a man and TAKING ACTION and DEFENDING YOUR WOMAN like you should be instead of whining to "adults"? What kind of life do you want to live?
underpants Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Sunblast, with all due respect. This is very, very far from a "be a man" situation. Omg, her ex sounds like bad news. Bad news teens are unstable (from what I remember and see on the news). Talk to your girl. Convince her to go to the school councelor with you. You will go together. If need be just hold her hand and lead her there and tell her that you need her to do this...for you. (she will melt). That is being a mature man. That way you don't kick up more drama with the lost boy and you respect her wishes about the parent thing. Yet, you let everyone know what is going on and she has you in her corner. It comes down to her safety (and possibly yours), maybe even the next girl. This guy needs to be checked, and he will. Expose him.
norajane Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 ****EDIT: By the way, all of your responses so far are "should I tell someone?" What happened to being a man and TAKING ACTION and DEFENDING YOUR WOMAN like you should be instead of whining to "adults"? What kind of life do you want to live? When you're 16 and you're dealing with a freak who cuts girls with knives, BE A MAN does not mean getting stabbed yourself by starting a fight.
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I just got into contact with her, and she's gonna quit her dance. She still persists that she can solve this without any help, Should I still take action and tell someone? Yes, you should take action and tell someone. Don't even consider confronting him yourself. Once he finds out she quit her class- he will probably escalate and come looking for her. I bet he has made other threats that she has been keeping to herself. DO you guys go to school together? If so- contact a counsellor there.
Author omgitzjm Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 ****EDIT: By the way' date=' all of your responses so far are "should I tell someone?" What happened to being a man and TAKING ACTION and DEFENDING YOUR WOMAN like you should be instead of whining to "adults"? What kind of life do you want to live?[/quote'] as much as I'd like to, It doesn't seem smart to start things like that. I've never seen what this guy actually looks like, so I'm not quite sure if I can take him. Yes, you should take action and tell someone. Don't even consider confronting him yourself. DO you guys go to school together? If so- contact a counsellor there. Yes, we do go to school together I'm about to head off for school now, so I'm gonna try and convince her to tell someone. If she doesn't i'll tell her parents/ counsellor myself. thanks for the advice.
jcster Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I'm about to head off for school now, so I'm gonna try and convince her to tell someone. If she doesn't i'll tell her parents/ counsellor myself. thanks for the advice. Good on you! "Being a man" consists of far more than fighting in the hall - it's good that you see that and care enough about your girlfriend to make sure she's safe.
Author omgitzjm Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Ugh, I tried convincing her, but she refused then she got mad at me, drama here, drama there. So now that that's failed, I should go with telling her parents myself?
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