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I just want to feel loved again.

randuff

By randuff
in Coping

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randuff Established Member

randuff

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I am trying my best to do NC and stick with it. It is so hard for me since I miss her even though I shouldn't. Why we all yearn for someone we say to our friends and to ourselves that is no good for us I have no clue. I guess that is one of the purposes of this forum. To discuss and help each other through these times. There is no doubt in my mind that I should move on and that I was treated poorly and she was treated so well.

 

I guess I am getting depressed because I want to feel loved again. Don't get me wrong, I have people in my life that love me very much like my son and my mother. I still have this incredible feeling in my heart that wants to be cared about and loved again the way she used to love me.

 

Counseling is going ok I suppose. I feel really good about myself but then in the evening I reflect and start to get sad again. Then later on in the week I will feel good about everything again. I hate this roller coaster ride. I just want to feel as if everything is going smoothly again and I know in time it will. It just seems like it is so far away seeing how it has been seven months already and I feel no further along than I did when this all began.

 

I don't know what to do. I used to submerse myself in work but I have so much down time right now that all I have time for is to think. I stopped working out because I feel like I just don't care. I lost 27 pounds when we originally broke up (which actually wasn't such a bad thing) but I think I am starting to put all the chub back on.

 

I just don't give a **** anymore. I just don't have the motivation to do anything at all. I just do what is necessary. I dunno I feel like the 4 years together were all for naught but I know that I learn a great deal during that time too.

 

I don't know. Someone just slap me in my face and make me wake the F%^K up! I know I am a great catch. I would make many many women happy, I am just not motivated to even think about that though......

 

Life kinda sucks right now :(

Freddy Established Member

Freddy

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Hey man I understand your pain. Let me tell it gets better. I also have way too much time on my hands and can find it really hard at times. Your not alone and if you listen to the advice given you will be better off. When did you guys break up and is there specifics about the breakup?

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randuff Established Member

randuff

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4 years together, engaged, split up April 27 this year.

daze__e New Member

daze__e

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I am trying my best to do NC and stick with it. It is so hard for me since I miss her even though I shouldn't. Why we all yearn for someone we say to our friends and to ourselves that is no good for us I have no clue. I guess that is one of the purposes of this forum. To discuss and help each other through these times. There is no doubt in my mind that I should move on and that I was treated poorly and she was treated so well.

 

This is something I struggle with because everyone says I have low self esteem, but I don't think I do. I don't know why I want him when other decent men have treated me better.

 

I guess I am getting depressed because I want to feel loved again. Don't get me wrong, I have people in my life that love me very much like my son and my mother. I still have this incredible feeling in my heart that wants to be cared about and loved again the way she used to love me.

 

I have been single two years and in that time I have dated and all of these relationships were not about love, not about intimacy. And then he and I got back together recently and he started treating me like that...calling me whenever and showing up and not letting me in. From him it was so much worse, if I wanted such a meaningless relationship, I could go anywhere. With us, it is different.

 

Counseling is going ok I suppose. I feel really good about myself but then in the evening I reflect and start to get sad again. Then later on in the week I will feel good about everything again. I hate this roller coaster ride. I just want to feel as if everything is going smoothly again and I know in time it will. It just seems like it is so far away seeing how it has been seven months already and I feel no further along than I did when this all began.

 

All the counseling I have been through doesn't change the fact that the man I love no longer loves me. Negative reaction, I suppose but I feel like I have it in me, you have it in you to pull out and to change the way you need to to find happiness.

 

I don't know what to do. I used to submerse myself in work but I have so much down time right now that all I have time for is to think. I stopped working out because I feel like I just don't care. I lost 27 pounds when we originally broke up (which actually wasn't such a bad thing) but I think I am starting to put all the chub back on.

 

Exercise is good for the soul

 

I just don't give a **** anymore. I just don't have the motivation to do anything at all. I just do what is necessary. I dunno I feel like the 4 years together were all for naught but I know that I learn a great deal during that time too.

 

I feel like I need to find something meaningfully to give a **** about. I have my kids, but something on a larger scale. Part of my career change was prompted by needing to focus on something.

 

I don't know. Someone just slap me in my face and make me wake the F%^K up! I know I am a great catch. I would make many many women happy, I am just not motivated to even think about that though......

 

You are a good catch and I am too and there is someone out there who feels like we do and gives like we do and they are going to walk into our lives out of the blue and it will be the real thing. Right? Sounded good! Seriously though, I need to still believe that there is someone who will love me the way I love them.

 

Life kinda sucks right now :(

 

:(

Green Established Member

Green

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Get tough, learn to love yourself, activly go out there and try to have fun with other women and they'll love u.

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randuff Established Member

randuff

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daze - We will meet that person someday, I know. I just wish the pain would go away in the mean time. Why does she stay in my mind....Constantly

 

KMT - You are absolutely right. I know that women would love me, I just haven't had the time nor energy to even make an attempt to put myself "out there."

Green Established Member

Green

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thats a bs excuse if your up now join an internet dating site, tommorow flirt with any women you see who you find attractive just say hi or something. stop making excuses youve got time, dont even respond to this get workin

lonelybird Established Member

lonelybird

Posted
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you do sound depressed. do you think a relationship will make you happier and fully satisfied? did your last relationship make you happy?

 

sometimes I think that even if the relationship was so-so, and just went by each day; and when we lost it, we began to paint it more beautifully than it really was, just because it is not available right now?

 

My point is our happiness really exist in US. How we THINK, how we look at circumstance. when no one here to love me, then God's love is always here with me, much perfect and unconditional than a man can give; if a man is here with me, that is an add.:)

 

maybe your soul is crying out want to seek something more than a romantic relationship?

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randuff Established Member

randuff

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thats a bs excuse

 

Not entirely true. I have joined internet dating sites, haven't work out for me so much. I work 12 hours a day and am a single dad. Free time is usually spent with my son so getting out to meet someone isn't as easy as I would like it to be.

 

I need to make time, I get this, motivation is what I lack at the moment.

SunnyLady Established Member

SunnyLady

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Not entirely true. I have joined internet dating sites, haven't work out for me so much. I work 12 hours a day and am a single dad. Free time is usually spent with my son so getting out to meet someone isn't as easy as I would like it to be.

 

I need to make time, I get this, motivation is what I lack at the moment.

 

 

Randuff,

 

Never forget that the process of moving on is a journery and not a destination. These sad feelings will definitely creep in from time to time, but its perfectly normal for you to feel this way. She was the last woman you were with/ for such a long time so its perfectly natural for your thoughts to dwell on her constantly. Seven months is not long enough to heal completely from a 4year rship except you found love again during this period.

 

The needing to be loved feeling it happens to the lot of us. Right now i feel so demotivated to do anything. I am not depressed but i am not happy either. Its like the bubble in me has been deflated and i worry because some days i feel as down as i did during the start of the breakup. But iv realised that these people will always remain a part of us, in terms of memories etc. And we will find love again and then we will have memories of our SO to reflect on rather than our exes. Just try to cheer up and tell yourself each day that "this too shall pass".

 

There was a time i guess when everything was going fine for you two and you felt life couldnt get better. Well that time has passed, now you are sad, but this TOO shall pass and hopefully it will sooner than later. Don't get impatient with yourself you are only human for grieving. You males are lucky, you're able to have flirt and get your groove on without getting emotionally attached. Its the opposite for me, i don't do flings, im not built that way. So basically the next person i am going to be with has to be my SO. When is that going to happen? It worries me. Plus I mixed raced so its hard for me to meet people online. I mean let's face it, most white guys prefare white chics :-(. I don't get much attention from white guys and i would love it if i did...now i have to sit back and wait for the next balck guy to come my way. I seem so limited in my choices you can't even understand. I don't have the benefit of saying "i can make many men happy", i mean i know i can, but the men seem unavailable!! I can't just walk into a club and find a HOT fella who wants to make me his SO. I mean don't get me wrong, i get a lot of attention, people consider me to be very pretty (maybe why they don't take me serious) and i am slim, petite etc. Still i am restricted to black guys and i live in England...a country with more than half of the population filled with with whites. It halves my chances of finding someone some enough. So take heart and try to motivate yourself with positive thoughts. You will be fine. And you will find that special woman. People feel there is only one person for us out there, but its not true there is more than one person. So there is someone else out there for you, just don't shut the door and let it pass you by.

 

KMT! You're making me scared!! Is this the best way to move on? From what you're saying, i gather that the only way i stop this lonliness is by flirting with guys etc. There are no suitable guys to flirt with, all the guys i care about don't care about me. And the guys currently interested in me are perverts and men who just want to have fun. So if this is the best way to move on...well i am pretty much doomed.

 

Anyway Randuff let's not take the focus off you. Allow yourself to feel, realise this is the natural process and try to motivate yourself with positive thoughts. Keep posting. And your tatoo is amazing! Reminds me of michael scoefield. lol. xxx

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