best friend outside of our relationship

[wtf to do]

gab and i have been together since 2000 we have 3 children one i had when i was 17, i am 28 and he is 38 gab has this friedn named eluna. throughout the years i have always been envious of their friendship but he always assured me that there was nothing to worry about, she buys my kids clothes <which i dont llike> she iwl send him clothes and cards for his birthday. gaba nd eluna grew up in africa together and dated when they were like 13 or so gab has assured me that they never had sex, she texts him more than 30 times a day and calls just as much. eluna is fully aware of me would call my house to speak to gab etc.. recently i found some trxt messages in gabs phone stating from eluna " i want you to be the firt man to f*** me in the a88, do you remember our first time? and.... i remmeber the fingering. now all these years i never liked the firendship because when gab and i were going thru it he has always run to her for advice he would veen fly down to minesota where sh elived just to get some time to think so he says. gab and i have been fighting about eluna alot lately since the texts i discovered. i told him i didnt like it and i was uncomfortable even threatend to leav. gab has been married twice before and both times his ex wives have told him they did not approve of his relationship with eluna and he ended. gab says now since his dad died, he has felt that talking to her is therapeutic. i dont doubt that he loves me but he finds nothing wrong with the situation. when i confronted him about the texts he says that they were jst playing and it was nothing serious he has never slept with. gab feels that e has told this girl they cant be frieds because of his relationship twice before and he doesnt feel lie he should have to do it again because he isnt doing anything wrong. this heffa will text him dirt texts but in the same note send him a religiious one telling him that god is good and mail him daily bread booklets in the mail. id ont care that she is hypocrite but why cant he understand that this isn't healthy for our realtionship and that I should be the one he is running to when he has problems not her. i feel inadequate, jealous, enrage, like im competing and also like i am sharing gab. he insists that i am making a big deal out of nothing. one itme she called the house and sent a text to land line message saying " baby where are you, what are you doing, i miss you" im friggin pissed and i feel like i have always been number 2 in his life. i feel like we have kids together and we already had trust issues because of our past. im ready to walk out of this relationship because he has told me that he stopped talkng to her but everytime im not around he is calling or or she is calling him which indicates to me that he never even told her what is going on between us. im tempted to call her and just act a fool but i wont degrade myself like that. wtf do i do??

[wtf to do]

our fight tonight was about him making a decision to jeopardize our relationship oer this girl. i told him that i was leaving and i dont feel like i should ocmpete because that is what it feels lke im doing. i hate him but i love him all the same. he is clueless and sometimes act like he has no friggin sense. he still doesnt see what is wrong with having this friendship with this girl outside our relationship. i feel like if he paid his exes the same respect of cutting this chick off when the ish hit the fan then why wont he do the same for me?

[lbj123]

Wow, that is completely unacceptable! Yes, everyone is entitled to their friendships (though male female friendships when one or both are in relationships can tend to be tricky ) but they are fully crossing the line. They are both in the wrong. This girl sounds like a home wrecker and like she is playing mind games with him, but he is engaging in it and is completely disrespecting you. He needs to put you first and what he is doing is just so, so wrong. It's understandable that you would feel insecure, pissed, jealous, angry, etc...what does he expect, that you would read those texts and laugh??

 

You have children together, which is a really big reason to try and work things out, but you cannot go on living your life feeling like he is in a relationship with her and not you.

 

I seriously think that in a way this is worse that someone having an affair behind your back. They are just flaunting it in your face and making you miserable. i'm so sorry that he is doing this to you and that he isn't willing to to even compromise. I think you need to tell him (sounds like you already did) that you will not tolerate this any longer. My initial thought was to tell him he doesn't have to cut off all ties with her, but he should not be speaking/texting with her every day and he needs to seriously change their relationship; but I don't know if that is even possible. I really don't think it is. It sounds like she won't give up. The girl sounds toxic. And he sounds completely insensitive and selfish. i wouldn't be surprised if there was/is a physical aspect to their relationship as well (sorry to say that).

 

You need to get out of this situation. You deserve so much better.

[wtf to do]

I so needed to hear that i am not crazy and being an illogical nagging biotch. I'm sick to my stomach. initially i was like whatever I am just jealous but now its like are you serious after all the arguments we have had since i found the texts, he hasn't stopped and he hasnt told her to stop either, i mean now i dont find any nasty texts but i asked im to cut all communications with her because they crossed the line and now he is telling me that he doesnt see a reason to. im effin pissed. I'm like how do you tell our kids that we arent together anymore because daddy couldnt get rid of a friend that is screwing up our relationship. i ask him how can i expect her to respect our relationship when he runs and tells her all of my dir laundry, all of our problems? why the hell would she respect our relationship, even more he allows her to disrespect our relationship by condoning the texts even though he knowws it pisses me off . i have sacrificed so much, i left the navy 4k a month to come down here to hickville to work a $11 an hour job just so our family can be together, his dad dad i risked mmy job to get him a flight to africa, if he's broke, i'd use my school money to pay a bill or two of him and the balls on him to treat me like im some one night stand. i feel unappreciated, alot more than i feel loved. im in tears CONSTANTLY, my two year ld is contstantly rubbing mys houlders and wiping my tears. why? can i not get better? does he think i damaged goods just because i have 3 kids by him? i know plenty of guys who would love to have me as a life partner but i chose to deal with his shyt, his laziness, his snoring, his lack of repsect. Is it time to go after 8 years??