Had a visitor today...

[stampdaddy]

Thanks for the clarification on the time line. So am I right that she stopped having sex with her husband not long after she met you?

 

So I still wonder if shes not trying, knows its not going to work, why is she bothering? What is it that makes her choose to stay with him? Its not the kids, as you seem to point out that you have done plenty for them in the background so she knows they wouldn't be a problem to you. So what is it?

 

right now it IS the kids... See, all along it has been "bearable" living there, and I also contributed to making it easy for her.. Obviously H wasnt pressuring for sex, they slept a mile apart in the same bed, she basically had her freedom to see me (which I will add, we had more time together than most married couples) and H wasnt part of any "active" relationship with her other than dividing and conquering with the kids (no dates, no time alone, etc)

 

SO now today: we have been caught, and H has asked for TIME. The counselor has asked for TIME, to let things settle down and settle in before ANYBODY makes any decisions.. But this TIME has to be without OM in the picture, so she will honor that (but has had a hardtime with the NC)

 

Now this is NOT saying that she'll just whittle her fingers over there and when the egg timer goes off, she runs out the door.. But it also doesnt mean that she is trying on the M either.. Just this past week in MC he said NOTHING has changed, and I still think that THEY (me and her) have a plan.. That he hates who he is becoming, etc..

 

Anyway, step by step for ME, is all I can worry about..

 

P.S. a beautiful snow here today, and one of her fondest memories with me is a snowy night with me... wrote a poem, but won't post....

[LifesontheUp]

You've got it bad stampdaddy, it would seem that you very much love what she has shown you about herself. I appreciate that you've spent a lot of time together but you've not seen how she is when living with you, being a couple in that way.

 

I'm just cautioning that you may very well she a different side to her when the 6 months ends, a side that can so easily break your heart. You'd do well to worry about yourself in the meantime.

 

Can I ask if you have given any thought to what you would say if she asks you to continue as her OM when the 6 months ends? She could easily tell you she can't leave because of the kids again.

[stampdaddy]

You've got it bad stampdaddy, it would seem that you very much love what she has shown you about herself. I appreciate that you've spent a lot of time together but you've not seen how she is when living with you, being a couple in that way.

 

I'm just cautioning that you may very well she a different side to her when the 6 months ends, a side that can so easily break your heart. You'd do well to worry about yourself in the meantime.

 

Can I ask if you have given any thought to what you would say if she asks you to continue as her OM when the 6 months ends? She could easily tell you she can't leave because of the kids again.

 

I WOULD SCREAM "NO!"

[LifesontheUp]

I WOULD SCREAM "NO!"

 

good for you

[stampdaddy]

You've got it bad stampdaddy, it would seem that you very much love what she has shown you about herself. I appreciate that you've spent a lot of time together but you've not seen how she is when living with you, being a couple in that way.

 

I'm just cautioning that you may very well she a different side to her when the 6 months ends, a side that can so easily break your heart. You'd do well to worry about yourself in the meantime. Doesnt everybody have to worry about that, no matter if it is a Normal relationship OR not?? OR, she may show me sides of her I have never seen in a GOOD way, once "freedom" is in place....

**had to add poem today, from 2004 The snow today is so beautiful.

 

 

Our First Winter Snowfall

The snow, so peaceful and serene, caressed by the soft moonlight gave magical wonderment to the night. As the beauty continued to fall, the lovers' words began to flow, their lips closer and closer until, locked in the throes of a passionate embrace, he decided to express his feelings, against her warm, sweet face. He whispered softly, his words like music to her ears, "I Love You, and her response the same, heard like the gentle breeze, "And I’ll, love you, forever. That night they promised to be together through everything, each to care for the other when old and gray. This loving pact, his promise to make last.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

~ Sunday morning, I would wake up at 6:30 to 7:00 am with her crawling into bed with me..

 

~ she would be there until 3:30 - 5:30 in the afternoon..

 

~ Many Saturday afternoons for golf.

 

~ Every Mon-Fri typically 9:30-4:30, a couple date nites thru the week

 

~ an over night every once in a while

 

--------

 

Did she (husb) support you?

 

Ariadne

[stampdaddy]

Hi,

 

~ Sunday morning, I would wake up at 6:30 to 7:00 am with her crawling into bed with me..

 

~ she would be there until 3:30 - 5:30 in the afternoon..

 

~ Many Saturday afternoons for golf.

 

~ Every Mon-Fri typically 9:30-4:30, a couple date nites thru the week

 

~ an over night every once in a while

 

--------

 

Did she (husb) support you?

 

Ariadne

sorry, I dont understand your question...

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

That means, did she (or her husband) support you financially for the past three years?

 

Ariadne

[Tomcat33]

 

 

 

Did she (husb) support you?

 

Ariadne

 

 

Huuuuh?? didn't get that!?!?

 

Stamp that is a sweet poem, did you write that?

 

It's majorly snowing here too....sighhhh....but I have to prepare for a dinner party I am hosting tonight fro 8 friends...no time to think of the past

[stampdaddy]

Hi,

 

That means, did she (or her husband) support you financially for the past three years?

 

Ariadne

 

Absolutely not

[stampdaddy]

Huuuuh?? didn't get that!?!?

 

Stamp that is a sweet poem, did you write that?

 

It's majorly snowing here too....sighhhh....but I have to prepare for a dinner party I am hosting tonight fro 8 friends...no time to think of the past

yes I did.. I am painting today.. I suck at painting, have 4 rooms started in Jan.. NONE finished yet.. hee hee:o

[Ariadne]

Absolutely not

 

Well, that's good.

 

Otherwise you would have to support yourself now, get a job and all of that...

 

Ariadne

[Tomcat33]

yes I did.. I am painting today.. I suck at painting, have 4 rooms started in Jan.. NONE finished yet.. hee hee:o

 

 

you are a total romantic (re. the poem)

so was my ex...

 

Ha! I hear you...looking forward to some time off work now in the next few weeks to take care of some much needed renos. around my place as well...thank goodness painting is not one of them.

 

Get Trading Spaces to come in and do it for you...

[Tomcat33]

Now this is NOT saying that she'll just whittle her fingers over there and when the egg timer goes off, she runs out the door.. .

 

by the way this made me laugh out loud, you painted a vivid mental image...

[stampdaddy]

Well, that's good.

 

Otherwise you would have to support yourself now, get a job and all of that...

 

Ariadne

 

I dont know where all of that is coming from, but yes, that's good that I have a job?

[reboot]

She's wondering when you find time to work. So am I.

[reboot]

~ Sunday morning, I would wake up at 6:30 to 7:00 am with her crawling into bed with me..

 

~ she would be there until 3:30 - 5:30 in the afternoon..

 

~ Many Saturday afternoons for golf.

 

~ Every Mon-Fri typically 9:30-4:30, a couple date nites thru the week

 

i.e. Do you have a home based business or something?

[Ariadne]

I dont know where all of that is coming from, but yes, that's good that I have a job?

 

I suppose.

 

Otherwise you'd not only be hearbroken but broke also.

 

 

Ariadne

[stampdaddy]

by the way this made me laugh out loud, you painted a vivid mental image...

 

TC, I BELIEVE she is coming.. I know evrybody will tell me to stop believing, But I do.. I have seen too much, I have been too close to the situation.. There is alot that I have backed away from saying here.. When I start hearing comments like "that is weird", I back off, so the whole story can't be told.. I wish I had someone to talk to that I could tell the whole story to that didnt cost $120 an hour... And then, they can't tell you squat anyway..

I am still trying to "prepare" myself that she won't or can't because of the children, but it will unravel for them from everything that I have been seeing...

The best thing is this NC and I know that, and I will stick to it until I see major movement..

What time should I show up at the party??

[stampdaddy]

~ Sunday morning, I would wake up at 6:30 to 7:00 am with her crawling into bed with me..

 

~ she would be there until 3:30 - 5:30 in the afternoon..

 

~ Many Saturday afternoons for golf.

 

~ Every Mon-Fri typically 9:30-4:30, a couple date nites thru the week

 

i.e. Do you have a home based business or something?

 

I do work from home, and just because she was here didnt mean we just layed around staring into each others eyes for hours on end.. I worked.. She worked for about a year, until Dday.. Or, I would work and she'd be as someone said, "play house"

[Tomcat33]

i.e. Do you have a home based business or something?

 

yeah was gonna suggest the same thing..

 

 

TC, I BELIEVE she is coming.. I know evrybody will tell me to stop believing, But I do.. I have seen too much, I have been too close to the situation.. There is alot that I have backed away from saying here.. When I start hearing comments like "that is weird", I back off, so the whole story can't be told.. I wish I had someone to talk to that I could tell the whole story to that didnt cost $120 an hour... And then, they can't tell you squat anyway..

I am still trying to "prepare" myself that she won't or can't because of the children, but it will unravel for them from everything that I have been seeing...

The best thing is this NC and I know that, and I will stick to it until I see major movement..

What time should I show up at the party??

 

Stamp you have to beleive in what you beleive in, coming here of EVEN having someone that you can confide in 1:1 and even if that someone is someone that was in your very similar shoes, the fact is they weren't IN your shoes, your situation is unique to you and theirs to them. So don't kid yourself that you can't be understood and that there is someone out there that actually gets it, and because no one gets it you are in this alone because whether someone gets it or not is irrelevant to the outcome of YOUR situation.

 

I remember when I first came here I was so full of hope I honestly believed my situation was different I believed a lot of things that I thought, were so different in my situation and then after reading so many stories and actually educating myself (not just here) with how these situations pretty much go I realised that a lot of the things that were unique to my situation really were not. There were days when I felt so down by the stuff I read and so stupid for having been sucked in like that, ME me of all people? Me who was always one step ahead of the game, me who was the one friends, family and colleagues always turned to for sound advice because I could see things happening before they could, and the words "I warned you I'm so sorry this ended like this" me who was filled with dignity and so strict about what she wanted and didn't want for herself. It happend to me and it's been a hard pill to swallow.

 

But I'll tell you this much and it is no word of a lie, I knew that despite it all, dsepite everything I had learned and was disillusioned about and all the things I've had to accept and learn along the way, I knew this man loved me. I knew that there was one thing that was true in all of this and it was what he and I felt for each and what we lived, you cannot fake something like that. I know what he felt when he looked into my yes and touched me and showed up at my place. My gut told me that his marriage would end up in divorce and I also knew that all the things he told me about the problems they had were true, of course I had help I met his family and close friends who shared some things with me, and of course he did a lot in actions to prove to me that he was serious about us and about wanting out of his relationship with his W, so I felt he would eventually come back.

 

The thing is Stamp and this is what I did NOT know, and that is that now I am the one that has had time to think and reflect and rationalise things and I see everything with a different set of eyes, so I feel in control of the situation, I am not lost for him anymore. All the months we were apart offered me this and it was the best thing that could have happened to me, because had he continued to go through with the divorce back then we had continued on our way, there is no way at all I would have learned what I learned today, and I would have had triple the amount of pain in time. My situation is not your situation but if there is one thing that I can share with you that others might also relate to is that, it feels a lot better to be in control of who you are then it does to be lost in someone else, the thing is you can't see that unless you detach.

So as much as the feeling of love for her consumes you today the love for you that you feel when you are less consumed by them is actually more beneficial to what you can actually give and receive. Be it with her, be it with anyone.

 

 

re. the dinner party tonight, I told everyone 7:30 - 8 but you can come at 7pm I think I need to set some extra cocktails aside for you.

 

 

and by the way I was not laughing at the thought that she is coming back, I was laughing at the expression you used the twiddling your fingers waiting for the timer to go off I pictured a woman sitting at her kitchen table and the timer bell goes off and she b-lines for the door, it was a funny image..and a good expression.

[stampdaddy]

re. the dinner party tonight, I told everyone 7:30 - 8 but you can come at 7pm I think I need to set some extra cocktails aside for you.

 

Thanks TomCat... IF you roll over, I'll scratch your belly...

 

I'm trying to get control back.. Funny thing, I was just thinking about that an hour or so ago.. I have literally WASTED a good portion of this year, the last 5 months especially.. The feeling came over when I cranked on some "paintin' music" and the song Rain King came on, by Counting Crows..

 

lyrics: "Mama, Mama, Mama, why am I so alone?

I can't go outside

I'm scared I might not make it home

I'm alive but I'm sinking in

If there's anyone at home at your place

Why don't you invite me in

Don't try to bleed me

I've been there before and I deserve a little more.."

[Tomcat33]

Thanks TomCat... IF you roll over, I'll scratch your belly...

 

 

I was thinking of chasing my tail for a while when I stop make sure I don't walk into the wall..

 

 

Wow that's gutsy, I buried any music that reminded me of him for a good 4months post break-up, let a lone listen to any lyrics like that.

 

Yeah it's all about recapturing yourself, love is all consuming as it is but this kind of love takes super human effort.

 

I'll tell you something else I know from experience, I was woking freelance at one point in my life and decided to try the home business thing as well, I'll tell you it can get pretty darn heavy at times, you can get too inside your own head.

[stampdaddy]

I was thinking of chasing my tail for a while when I stop make sure I don't walk into the wall..

 

 

Wow that's gutsy, I buried any music that reminded me of him for a good 4months post break-up, let a lone listen to any lyrics like that.

 

Yeah it's all about recapturing yourself, love is all consuming as it is but this kind of love takes super human effort.

 

I'll tell you something else I know from experience, I was woking freelance at one point in my life and decided to try the home business thing as well, I'll tell you it can get pretty darn heavy at times, you can get too inside your own head.

I've done it for so long now.. It would be better for sure to be "away" from "HOME", because any room I walk into is HER.... I can't even go pee without being surrounded, so yes, it's hard... But she can't either without seeing ME...

 

Let me ask you these 2 questions from a "woman's point of view":

• She refuses to wear her wedding ring (hasnt in at least 1 1/2 years, maybe 2). H has asked "why"? and she said that she just "can't".. H asked if it was because of ME, and she said YES...
  
• 2 years ago, on their Family Vacation, she recalled when H was taking a picture of her and the kids, she thought, "this will be the LAST Family Vacation with us all..." "we are not a Family, we are a LIE". SO, this past summer, NO Family Vacation.. Not even for a weekend... H took older kids skiing, and she took younger one to a weekend retreat with other kids to theme park...

WHAT DOES THIS SAY? Says to me, she is "trying" to separate.. These are just 2 examples of MANY.. Big ones no doubt

 

 

Anyway, thanks again TC.. and everybody.. I WILL get through this, there is NO OTHER CHOICE...

[Ms. Red]

Hey S.Daddy, the more you tell us the more I think of my marriage. I know every situation is different but I can't help but feel she doesn't want to be the one to break up the family IMO. She's doing things deliberatly to let him know she does not want to be with him hoping he will give up & end it.

 

You said he feels the same way that divorces are "a sign of failure"...I think were the words. Well, it's a matter of who can hold on the longest. Just my opinion.