Should I give his soon ex wife info to help in her divorce?

[Anyideas1965]

I recently broke up with my married ex-bf. He has been going through a messy divorce (nothing to do with our former relationship) and I supported him through years and everything he has gone through. Well, he repaid me by betraying my trust and love. But that is neither here nor there. He is a cheat, pathological liar, and a THIEF. I have some information (his thieving ways) that would greatly help his soon to be ex wife in her divorce and custody. I feel like I owe her in a way even though she doesn't know about me or his relationship with me. He has moved on with his life. Bought a new house while she is living with the kids in a small apartment. It seems so unfair. He has told me that if I don't remain silent on what I know that he will get back at me. I don't like being threatened at all. What should I do here? Do I tell the ex wife what I know and help her out? Or do I just remain silent? Thanks for any advice.

[brothermartin]

That depends. What can he do to you if you tell? And do you think his ex can do anything with what you tell her? Do you even think she would want to?

 

If you decide to tell, be ready for a fight. You shouldn't go into it thinking that this woman will become your ally against a common enemy.

[whichwayisup]

Talk to a lawyer about this before you do anything.

 

Also, even though you weren't the reason (so you think) that their marriage ended, you obviously were involved with him WHILE he was married, so I'm sure this is part of the threat, to discredit you and anything you have to say.

[NoIDidn't]

Depends on whether you are really trying help her or get back at him.

 

Does she know if you even have a reason for knowing such details about her STBXH? That is also a consideration.

 

An unknown woman telling me that my H is a thief, and so on, is a little hard to take. BUT since she is in "dump-the-loser" mode, it may work in her favor and yours.

 

What resources does he have to harm you with his threats? I am sure the most he can do off the top is tell his STBXW that you are nothing more than a scorned exGF of his - and atttempt to downplay his A with you.

 

Either way, be prepared for a fight of some sort. Mainly the one of your character against one or both of them.

[stampdaddy]

Is there anything in it for YOU? Like revenge in a way? OR, will everything sort itself out in the end...

[Ms. Red]

Set up a P.O. box using an alias & contact her using that & inform her that for your protection you are using an alias. Tell her if she's interested in your help that she can have her attorney answer you through the alias & then you will communicate through her attorney using your real name.

 

That was the first thing that popped into my mind. *shrugs*

[White Flower]

How recent was your break-up and how long has he been with the new one? Also, you need to weigh how badly you want revenge (I'm guessing it's revenge) against how badly he can hurt you with his promise to do so. But, if you are sincere in helping his wife who seems to have gotten the short end of the stick there is a virtue in that.

[Anyideas1965]

MsRed - Thanks for the idea. It is a good one. Still considering that option.

 

Just to answer peoples questions - the break up was a few monthes ago and I DIDN'T act then because I wanted to make sure that I was thinking of helping for the right reasons. I wanted to give it time and thought. I just don't trust this guy - I have found out he isn't at all that he seems to be. He has had restraining orders out against him and has had several wives. He will tell you that all the women he has dated/married are "crazy". He is very convincing and I believed him. I was in love. I wanted to believe him. But if he finds out I helped her...which I am sure he would . He will try to get back at me...he has already threatened to do so if he even "suspects" I have helped her.

So thats the rub. It just bothers me that he will continue to prosper from his illegal activities while his wife (and others) just have to suck it up.

 

Stampdaddy - I have been reading about your situation. Just so you know - she is lucky to have had you.

[stampdaddy]

MsRed - Thanks for the idea. It is a good one. Still considering that option.

 

Just to answer peoples questions - the break up was a few monthes ago and I DIDN'T act then because I wanted to make sure that I was thinking of helping for the right reasons. I wanted to give it time and thought. I just don't trust this guy - I have found out he isn't at all that he seems to be. He has had restraining orders out against him and has had several wives. He will tell you that all the women he has dated/married are "crazy". He is very convincing and I believed him. I was in love. I wanted to believe him. But if he finds out I helped her...which I am sure he would . He will try to get back at me...he has already threatened to do so if he even "suspects" I have helped her.

So thats the rub. It just bothers me that he will continue to prosper from his illegal activities while his wife (and others) just have to suck it up.

 

Stampdaddy - I have been reading about your situation. Just so you know - she is lucky to have had you.

 

Thank you.. That is an awful sweet thing to say to me...

[Gwyneth]

I'd stay far away from this because you do not want your name in the divorce, do you? Definitely discuss this with your lawyer before going into it--this is a serious issue, their divorce and what you have as evidence to help his wife.