Author Confused9 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Thanks Rooster. I am feeling stronger today. I know that will change. I know I will feel hopeless again. This rollercoaster sucks. I love these boards for all there guidance and help. I just wish I knew what he was feeling or how he was feeling. I just wish I knew if he was regretful or sad. I just wish I could hold him one more time. I just wish he would come to his senses. But then I know we could never get back to what we had before. It's just such a shame. We had a good thing. Now he has a better thing with someone else I guess. So frustrating!
Author Confused9 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 I want to thank all of you for your responses. I know we can only speculate why he's doing what he's doing and I know that one day I will probably feel happy or glad he did what he did but for now the fact that I don't have the answers is so hard. He made this decision. He chose her offer me. I need to get over that. But, what I can't get over is how he can be happy? After everything he did...I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I just would crumble. It's terrible. We were together for 7 years. I gave him everything I could...then he just left me to the wolves. It's just so sad!
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Do every thing you can to get over him, so you can start loving again. This is awful and you need to recover asap. Do anything that can promote a smile.
Author Confused9 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 I will try blueeyed...thank you.
abeliever Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Hello glad to hear you are getting it all out. As much as it hurts let me tell you yes, he will realize what he has done. Or maybe not. But one thing is for sure I am a TRUE believer of karma! That $hit comes around and bites them in the keister! So, you need to pull your boot staps up! Put on your make up, do your hair! Go to the mall, listen to the x-mas music hell you can even sing with it! But you have to put the what, why, and how out of your mind for now. We as women put too much thought into it when men don't think that deep.(not to bash men, I love them!) But I think we can over analyze them and they really didn't go that route. I hope that doesn't seem sexist. I am making a point here. (I think) One day at a time, one hour at a time, 15min at a time. You deserve to have peace, and you can CHOOSE to. It really is a choice, I would like to see you take it, get with some friends try as you can to do one thing without thinking of any of this crap. Get that one thing under your belt. Hang on to it, woller in the mess then pull those boot straps up again and go out and try it another time. One foot in front in front of the other. I wish you lived in Missouri I would drive there and get you dressed up and make you go to dinner and we could drink margaritas and check out some cute waiters. Hope this helps, but I know you can CHOOSE to do this- so won't you??? I have been there sister, let me tell you it's hell. But we have children, so can't we do anything?! Keeping you close to my heart. Hope this day is better. abeliever
Author Confused9 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Thanks Abeliever. I wish I was closer to you too. However, I am so so not. I am trying to be strong. It doesn't help that Saturday is his birthday. First one without me in 8 years. I wonder if he is thinking about that? He is probably so clouded about her! UGH! You are all amazing. I can't wait till the day I see him for what he really is. I just hope he realizes what he's lost.
4everloveu Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Confuse-I heard you and I'm with you. Please take one day at a time. It's time that you need. I know you are hurt, heartbroken. It's better now than later that you find out he is a cheater. You will find someone who will love you and deserve you. You will heal and move on. One day you look back and say to yourself HE not worth.
LifesontheUp Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I feel for you and know exactly how hurt you are, I was there once too. In my case, he was my husband at the time. We'd been married 12 years, together 18 years. He was within a few months of 40 and his girlfriend was a 23 yr old co-worker....all 3 of us worked and still do in the same office. I threw him out day after d-day but he kept on coming back to the house for stuff and everytime he did, he would say some extremely nasty and hurtful things, some very untruthful things too. It was like sticking the knife in and twisting it around so to speak. Without going into too much detail, even though he wanted to work things out I didn't and I ended up divorcing him. However, I talk with him from time to time. I mentioned to him at one time about the stuff he used to say to me. He admitted that he said that stuff when he was angry. It was his way of trying to cope with the guilt of what he did. If he made me out to be a bad person, it made him feel better and therefore his affair was justified in his mind. He admitted a long time ago that he was not thinking rationally and he did the famous marriage re-write in order for him to feel better. My life is so much better these days and yours will be too. In the meantime you are on that rollercoaster of a ride. You will get your up times and your down times. Those up times will start to become more frequent than your down ones, I promise.
Author Confused9 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks 4everloveu and lifeisontheup... He actualyl just text messaged me last night after 3 weeks NC and I am stunned. He said 'happy holidays to you and your family' he seriously must be derranged. I can't believe he would write that!!! That's something you say the the mailman. So impersonal. What does he expect me to say? UGH!
abeliever Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Hang tough Confused, wow I am so proud of you! Just keep to NC and you take care of yourself. This too shall pass. Abeliever
Author Confused9 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks abelliever. It's hard - I want to respond. Especially since his b-day is tomorrow. But, I won't. This is the first nice thing he's said in a while...if he wants to talk...he can call me OR better yet get on a plane and come home! I deserve nothing less. He can't just send that and imagine this will all go away. He hurt me SO bad. Thank for for LS or else I would have probably proposed to him already! HAHA!
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