slb Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 This is my first post and I really need some advice. My partner of a year, calls me by someone else's name every once in awhile. When we are in bed together, talking on the phone, etc. we have been living together for awhile. This girl is his coworker, and mine. She caused trouble in his marriage ( he is now divorced) because of rumours that he was sleeping with her. He told me tonight that he would have taken her out if he wasn't married then, or in the relationship with me now. When I try to talk to him about her, he gets really angry, and won't talk about it. So, he thinks I am way out of line by being upset over this. I do believe they have not slept together. But I cannot get her out of my head because they work on the same shift together. I am ready to break it off with him and let him pursue her. I feel so hurt and disrespected and he thinks it's OK to call be by her name because it is a slip of the tongue. I feel he calls me her name because he is thinking of her. Any advice? Am wrong?
spooty Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 well yeah he says her name because he's thinking about her! the only time i call people different names is when they are the same to me, like i used to call my two coworkers by each other's name because they both did the same thing and acted similar. if you don't look a lot like her or have a similar name (i'd mix up Emily and Lizzie for some reason) then it's because you both are in similar roles to him. you are right to be pissed! does he do it in bed? or during mundane times? the times that he calls you her name can be a clue as to when and how he hangs out with her.
D-Lish Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Super huge red flag. Sorry to have to tell you that. You should be worried. I dated someone for 6 months and he kept calling me by my friend's name.... They are together now. If he's using her name when he's with you- she is in his head. If he gets angry when you discuss it- he's defensive for a reason.
Author slb Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Yeah, he called me by her name when we were making love, once when we were just cuddling on the couch. Our names are nothing alike. He gets furious everytime I want to talk about it with him. I really do appreciate everyone's opinion, as much as it hurts, it confirms my thoughts. He told me tonight he was going to talk to her and have her call me. I have nothing to say to her. I'm not angry with her, it's not her fault. What really stinks is that I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. He told me he wanted to marry me, I also know he bought me an engament ring but hasn't given it to me yet. When he was married, the woman he calls me by, caused problems for him too. We live in a small community and there were rumour he and her were sleeping together. I believe that they weren't. I asked him about it and he told me if he would not have been married, he would have been with her.
Author slb Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 I just called him at work to talk and he told me he was moving out. I am devastated but I'll be fine in the end. I was nothing but loyal and faithful to him.
Sunblast Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 If you don't give the benefit of the doubt, it's over the line. If you do, remember that if we do something a lot it becomes a habit, such as addressing one friend as you would another friend. If you spend much of your time talking to, say, Terry -- Terry, hi, what's up, hey Terry, get me that pen, bye Terry, see you tomorrow, -- then when you come home, yeah, you're gonna slip. And if Terry is a platonic girl friend who keeps me the guy safe from obsessive women, well, I'll protect her from others who wanna mess with our friendship.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Let him go, sadly as much as this hurts you, the way he has been reacting, getting angry instead of trying to make you feel better, is just his way of hiding the truth. I am sorry that he hurt you...I guess it's best it ends now instead of in afew more years and kids in the picture. He obviously isn't ready to settle down and stay committed to you.
Author slb Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 He said he is moving out because he doesn't want to deal with this. I asked him if something happened, he said it did. As soon as he said that, I hung up the phone. I can't bear to hear about what happened.
Lishy Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Well honey it is good you found out now. What a dog! If he was interested in her all alone I wonder why he has strung you along? You deserve more babe and you will get it! *******!
Author slb Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Thank you for your kind words. he just packed his suitcases and left in the ln hour. It hurts so bad, but I do know that time will help me. as he was leaving, he told me he was going to propose at Christmas. it hurt, but I am glad I know things now, not when it would be too late.
NYCHottie Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Wow, harsh! So, did he go move in with her? Sounds like it, huh?
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 No matter how much it hurts, It's so much better for you to know now rather than later. He called out her name during sex??? That's a freakin slap in the face. Yes, you'll be okay. Like I said, the same has happened to me, and I had to come to terms with it and let him go. Please don't take him back... You deserve someone who loves you and only you. I think his exit is pretty dramatic, and done out of his own guilt.
Sunblast Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Good just Loveshack, you just helped someone break up because of your trigger-happy victim mentality!
White Flower Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 DTMFA! Dump the m***** f***** already! Any man who would call out another woman's name while making love to me would get kicked to the curb! I may put up with a lot, but NOT that! Now get out there and start having some fun with someone who deserves you!
Star Gazer Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Wow, harsh! So, did he go move in with her? Sounds like it, huh? What the heck, man? You sure like pouring salt in people's wounds!! I'm sorry you're hurting SLB. You deserve more than you're getting here.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 The whole thing was a red flag, and he wasn't worth it. You letting him go is the best thing you could have opted to do. Now you can move on with your life and one day meet someone who treats you the way you should be treated! What a pig!
Lishy Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 She didnt let him go, he told her he was leaving and admitted to something happening between him and the girl at work The man is a louse and the OP deserves more ...... And she will get it and he will rot in his own juices!
ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 She didnt let him go, he told her he was leaving and admitted to something happening between him and the girl at work The man is a louse and the OP deserves more ...... And she will get it and he will rot in his own juices! No, I mean her letting him go without stopping him, and realizing that she was too good for him anyway. I didn't mean that as literal as it sounded.
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