friends want me to date someone else

[spooty]

i asked to come sleep over with my boyfriend and he said "no, i'm busy", and then we had a fight about how he never makes time for me.

he'll spend all afternoon watching tv or hanging out with friends, but at night when i want to come over just to relax and be alone together (though he thinks all i want is sex) he'll be suddenly "busy". i haven't stayed over in over a week, that last time took a lot of convincing.

so there is this guy that has had a crush on me since we had a STAT class this summer. my friends tell me i should go on a date with this guy. i'd feel bad about it, but since all my friends are telling me to should go i feel like i'm totally missing out on some big clue. the people pushing me to go don't even all know each other, but they know my bf and say "you deserve better" and "you're never going to leave him so just start dating around until you find a nice guy, THEN leave your bf"

he sort of asked me out this friday, and i do want to go, but i don't know about my boyfriend. he says "we'll be together when there's time". but i feel like there will never be time, and he takes for granted that he can just put off really being with me. he said he won't leave me as long as i want to be together, but his dedication ends at just saying we're "together" but not doing any of the stuff that comes with it. he thinks the affirmation is enough, but i crave closeness, and you can only get that from being alone together sometimes!

i don't want to break up with him before christmas, but last night i was angry and i put all the things he's gotten me over the years in a box with his christmas present, and if he doesn't want me to spend some alone time with him before winter break starts then i might just give it to him and be done.

i want to stay the night because i was going to dress up in a little santa outfit and give him his present with a striptease!

would it be bad to just go on a date, pay your half, and not do anything more? how would you react if your girlfriend (that you didn't make time for) did that?

[amaysngrace]

Break up with him first or suggest seeing other people. Unless this guy is only seen as a friend by you you should break up with your BF first.

 

Two wrongs don't make it right. Stay in the right.

[spookie]

I can totally relate to being in a relationship where your SO does not want to spend time together. It sucks big time and really kills your self-esteem.

 

However, going on a date with someone you have a crush on, while you're still in a relaitonship, is cheating.

 

If you're unhappy, end it first. Tell your bf that it doens't appear that he wnats to really be a bf, and that you think it's time you started dating other people, THEN do it. But don't be a cheater.

 

You know... I had the exact same issue come up in my last R. And I'm glad I resisted the temptation to hang out with someone I liked, who liked me... even though the R ended, and I still wonder sometimes about the other guy, at least I know in my heart that I was a good gf.

[spookie]

Btw every time I see your posts I do a double take cause of how similar our handles are:confused:.

[amaysngrace]

Btw every time I see your posts I do a double take cause of how similar our handles are:confused:.

 

Yeah me too.

[spooty]

well the guy seems to like me more than i like him, so i thought i would be able to keep a good handle on the situation. i have no romantic feelings for him, but he is an interesting guy.

i guess what set my friend into pushing me to do this was when my bf came over then watched tv shows with my roommate for over an hour in her room with the lights off and the door almost closed. i was furious and my other roommate was like "that's disrespectful, you should get yourself a date!"

he called me to let him in the apt then just waited anxiously in our living room for the video to finish downloading then disappeared into my roommates room. I went into my room and just though... wow that sucked.

[Kamille]

Spooty, I don't have much to add, but it definitely sounds like your current relationship is on the skids.

First, a question: Why do your friends think you'd never leave him?

 

Now a story:

 

I now call my first boyfriend the space-cadet. He had time for friends, for family, for his music but never for me. Like you, he said he would stay with me as long as I wanted but never did any of those things that I thought were important in a relationship. And Spookie is right, that did impact my self-esteem.

 

I remember one night being at home literally waiting for his phone call because he had said we would hang out that night. By 8pm he hadn't called and I told myself 'this is ridiculous' called a girl friend and went out. He was in the bar, having a beer, with friends.

 

That night I told him I needed more. He said he didn't want us to part. Yet he was never able to change his ways and give me what I wanted.

 

This is about what you want. You know there are guys willing to offer more out there. So, what's keeping you with your boyfriend?

[spooty]

i think i stay with him because i've not met anyone like him, he's very unique, ambitious, and so freaking smart, he's like a genius.

 

but, i really shouldn't stay. today he called from the store and asked if i wanted anything, which is unlike him, and insisted that he get me something. so later, he comes with bananas and asked for me to let him in. as soon as he gets in my roommate says "ready for alias?" and they go into her room to watch it. he barely made eye contact with me he just came in, greeted everyone and looked for that one roommate.

 

he got me bananas just as an inroad. now i don't know what to do, i want to leave them by the door with that box of things.

 

what do i do? talk to him later and say "don't talk to me. i know why you got me bananas. next time why don't you just call the person your actually here to see? next time you say you're too busy for me remember all that time you spent watching alias"

i feel like he's saying "i choose to spend my free time with her" and rubbing it my face. though he's probably oblivious to my feelings.

[Enema]

He is currently, or will very soon be getting his end wet in your roommate.