stepheine Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Hello everyone and thanks for all of your support!!! I have not spoken with him for a week now, I have been strong, but I have no closure!! He really told me much of nothing!! In a way I feel disrespected because I feel he could have treated me more fairly. I want to let him know how I feel, but I am not sure if that is a good idea. I feel like he dated me, I cared for him, and then he through me to the side with no explanation really, no consideration, and inability for closure, or questions I may have. I don't even feel like he treated me like you would treat any decent person or friend. I just wonder if I will ever get the chance at telling him how I felt about how he handled this or if I will never hear from him again. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
amaysngrace Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 You are responsible for finding your own closure. No closure sucks but it can be a good way to grow if you allow it. Silence speaks volumes. But seriously think about him. Think about what kind of guy he is. If he is someone to let you go so easily, your caring wonderful self, if he can mistreat you and all your goodness then he is a fool. And you are better off without him. I'm sure there was something good in him though. Something that he added to your time spent with him. Focus on the good he brought and it will help you see some of what you want in your next man. And know that you have it in your heart to care so deeply for another and that should help you know it's going to be okay. If he can be so cold and uncaring know that he is just a stepping stone to better things for you. And he's dumb to give you up. Do you really want to spend more time with some dumb guy than you have to?
polywog Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I know how you feel. I've felt the same way as you, but I posted a lot here about it and got loads of great advice like AG's, above. You just can't expect to get it, and we all want it. Why don't you post on that thread I started a while back called "post here instead of contacting your ex"? Also, it's interested to read through that thread. I think there are a lot of unrequited closure posts on there.
spookie Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 There's no such thing as closure in most cases. What can he possibly say to answer your question of how could he leave you if he loved you the way he did? Or why does he not? There's nothing. There ARE no answers. When someone leaves you, it's a sure sign that it won't work out and the best thing you can do is to move on. I know it's hard, but it's not impossible. You will survive, find happiness in other ways. I know it's literally heartbreaking that you had all this love with him, and now you have are your quickly-fading memories (I cannot remember where his freckles were anymore) but that's life. It sucks for a lot of people, and it's heartbreaking and unfair. You have to watch your own back, cause no one else is going to make sure you do the right things so you can be happy.
Author stepheine Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Yes, You all are right and thank you so much. It is so hard at times not to pick up the phone and see how he is. He lost his job and that is why he said he needed time and space to figure things out. I just keep wondering if this was an excuse or is he really going through a really bad crisis. I don't know, but I wish I did. Him not talking to me for a week makes me feel even more like it is an excuse. I cared about him but I am more upset with the not knowing.
Author stepheine Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Well, I did send him an email telling him the way I felt and I asked him what he saw wrong with the relationship and how was I so blind. He stated "Why can't you understand that this has NOTHING to do with you, I have things I need to deal with right now and that is it." I told him I was hurt the way he handled things. He responded by saying "I was hurt also, breaking up with you was one of the hardest things I have done in a long time. He said he didn't want to break up with me but he felt it was the only way he was going to get the space he needed and that he had to deal with these things on his own right now."
cant let go Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 i'm sorry steph. i know hearing those things couldn't have brought you any closer to closure. keep posting. i'm here everynight and i'm following your posts. :hugs:
countingufosagain Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Steph, if your intent is to reconcile you are adding additional nails to the coffin. As I responded to you on your previous post, I had the same scenario happen to me and as a man I needed to retreat to my cave to figure out what my next step was going to be. He is placing a tremendous amount of pressure on himself to fix what has happened to him. Sending mails about how you are feeling about the situation is just placing additional pressure as he knows that he is hurting you. Not to mention he probably doesn't feel lovable right now. you mention that you are looking for closure and what he's doing is looking for himself. We pride ourselves on our jobs, the money we make, and our overall ability to provide which has been taken from him. Leave him alone and as he decides the crisis is over, he will contact you. It's pretty obvious that he didn't want to end it with you, but until he can love himself again he can't love you. I know that this has to be hard and not understanding why he doesn't want you to be there for him is confusing, but he has to do this for himself. Continued persistence of contacting him is only going to make things worse. I wish you and your significant other the best and once he sees the things in himself that you see in him he will regret his actions with you.
Author stepheine Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Countingufosagain thank you for your response. But how can I be sure there is a chance to mend things. I hope you are right and I hope it is sooner than later. I will leave him alone from now on. I don't know any guys who handle things this way and it seems to be taken him a long time to figure things out. I want what is best for him though. I just started to feel today that I would never hear from him again and that if I did not ask him soon I would get no closure. Thank you
countingufosagain Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 You can never be sure without fail when it comes to relationships, but being in that position before myself and seeing tremendous similarities in the situation your BF probably felt the way I did. I would suggest giving him space and do the things you haven't been able to do due to lack of time. I would bet that before you accomplished your tasks he will have reached out to you. It took me about 2 months to call her, but 6 months to earn her trust again. Now that I have picked myself off the ground and dusted myself off, I see it as a little crazy that I equated my happiness around my work. I now make personal time for myself a priority which is helping to have balance in my life. Do something to make yourself happy,you'll both be better off for it. Again, I wish you the best.
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