mouse52 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 My boyfriend admitted that he was wrong for lying and committed to fixing things. So far things have been good EXCEPT I can't stop fighting with him. I keep bringing it up. I can't seem to move forward, and all of my accusations are pushing him away. How do I stop this behavior??? I just keep pushing.
amaysngrace Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 It could be for different reasons. It could be that he caused you pain and now you can't let him get off so easily without hurting him back...making him pay by making him feel as badly as you do. Or it could be that in your head you don't want to be with him. So you are sabotaging your relationship. Self-preservation. Or it could also be that he hurt you so badly that now you are closed off to him. You have shut him out of your heart to avoid getting more hurt by him. Which would be a trust issue on your part. What do you think?
Trialbyfire Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 mouse, what did he lie about? It sounds like a trust issue.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 I think you are starting to second guess being with him so you are fighting with him constantly about it. That happened with my ex bf, he lied constantly about huge things and after yelling and screaming at him for months I finally broke up with him..the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I got over it and found a wonderful, truthful, trustworthy bf. I don't think you should let guys who lie off the hook so easily..once a liar always a liar!
Author mouse52 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 i know i definitely have huge trust issues. it's just hard to move forward while constantly second guessing myself. i also think that i am trying to make him hurt as much as i have. he is a very private person and he keeps a lot of things to himself. i think somewhere in my head i want him to be hurting and crying and feeling twisted up inside like i do. i really want to move forward, i just don't know how to stop bringing things up and fighting. all he has asked for is a CHANCE to make things right. he doesn't expect forgiveness or for me to forget. :\
Lovegod Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Just for the hell of it, I looked through some of your old posts. Here's what I found: I was looking for something on my bf's desk, and started digging through a stack of papers that I thought it might be in Yet I can't seem to stop thinking that he will cheat on me with an ex or someone who is prettier, smarter, better I snooped on my bf and he found out. My boyfriend seems to have a problem with lying. And you think all these problems can be fixed after a nice talk? I think it's time you both called it quits.
Author mouse52 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 That is not the answer I was looking for. People aren't perfect and we all make mistakes. We want to work on and strengthen our relationship, NOT BREAK UP.
Cobra_X30 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 all he has asked for is a CHANCE to make things right. he doesn't expect forgiveness or for me to forget. :\ Mouse, Your very insecure... and your BF needs peace! Needs it. The more you fight with him the more you are literally going to FORCE him into passive agressive behavior. You think that he is private and reserved... Well he would be much less so if you stop picking at him and fighting. When you do this it makes him withdraw and not trust you. You need to get a grip or your going to either push him away... or push yourself away.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 i know i definitely have huge trust issues. it's just hard to move forward while constantly second guessing myself. i also think that i am trying to make him hurt as much as i have. he is a very private person and he keeps a lot of things to himself. i think somewhere in my head i want him to be hurting and crying and feeling twisted up inside like i do. i really want to move forward, i just don't know how to stop bringing things up and fighting. all he has asked for is a CHANCE to make things right. he doesn't expect forgiveness or for me to forget. :\ That's called resentment, and it's NOT going to just go away because you want it to. The more you think about it the worse it's going to get..I don't know how you can move forward with these kinds of feelings. You could try, but honestly your relationship isn't going to get much better. You should maybe think of taking a break for awhile to sort out feelings.
BlueEyedSarah Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 mouse52, The more you keep pushing your boyfriend the more he will back away from you. If you keep pushing your boyfriend for answers he will soon become tired of the routeen and feeling squashed he will walk away. I suggest you try and push the problem behind you now, you said yourself that you want to work things out not break up - if so then push your insecurities to the back of your head, concerntrate on something else instead.
Lovegod Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 That is not the answer I was looking for. Well little missy, I'm not going to give you the answer you're looking for. I'm going to give you the hard, cold, raw truth. If you want a sugar-coated response, go ask your girlfriends.
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