michaelk Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Hello Matty ! I think you are on to something here. Due to the fact you have an awesome W, you have suffered no pain on that side as you should.....now you sound like you may even resent the same wonderful W for ruining your fun..... I don't think matty resents his W - he was saying that he felt resentment back when he was in the heady romantic phase of his affair. I also don't think it's fair to say that he's suffered no pain. Rebuilding a marriage might not be as painful as divorcing and walking away, but I can tell you it's no picnic.
Author cj1988 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Hello Michael, Matty and I have talked about all this and I am somewhat right and somewhat wrong, maybe. He is still in limbo and so desperately trying to find his way home. He is a GOOD man and is HURT and in pain, but by his own doing and wants to get past all that....I believe he will be fine in TIME, it takes time to sort things out. It took me over a year and I am still sorting every day ! Love is love, so sad if it is bad timing and that seems to be what has happened to MAtty !
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I also don't think it's fair to say that he's suffered no pain. Rebuilding a marriage might not be as painful as divorcing and walking away, but I can tell you it's no picnic. Everyone gets screwed in an affair situation, of which, for the betrayed spouse, it's tantamount to emotional rape. There's just no comparison.
liddie Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 But what about the BS who find out their H/W is STILL having an A with the same OP and they still stay in their M?
abeliever Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Confused- Wow. You have to believe most of us in here. We have been thru this before you are now. Look you will never get the "whole truth" whatever that is. You see they "cheaters" have no remorse for the actions unless forced to see themselves for what they really are. Then some will pretend to know just to satisfy BS then they are back at it. At least in my case that is what turned out to be. I know you wish this and that, we all did that. Truth is you have to put yourself first. Take precautions financially, protect that heart of yours, believe nothing they tell you at this stage. Only what you can see believe nothing of what they promise. Only believe what you can see- that is it! I hope all of our words help you. AB MattM- Your words sounds good honey, but like I said above we only "believe" what we can see and nothing of what we hear!!!!! Hope you are for real about your lovely W, she deserves only the best from you. I hope you put your words into action. MattM you must do this or your M will be over, may not be today but she will fall out of love with you just like I did my H. Now we are divorcing months after the A's! I finally couldn't believe him after he broke NC many times over. Let this be your bible of words. It can happen to you! abeliever
Confused9 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Confused, i read your other thread. not wishing to hijack, but for me, looking at my own cheating the fact that he's know her 3 months speaks volumes He's made a huge life choice based on someone he's known 12 weeks. Thats just silly 12 weeks into my affair, I thought and truly believed i was in love. I even resented my Wife still being in my life. I resented God for letting me get married and have kids then introducing me to the real love of my life. Oh yes, life was so cruel, why couldn't I just be with the one I loved? Then of course my W found out, and guess what? i didn't want this love of my life anymore - I wanted my wife, and my life back Till things were steadier again, then i found myself crumbling toward the woman who gave me praise, attention, sex on tap etc etc - how can a wife working hard and raising 2 kids compare with that? Your guy will learn, as i did, that the grass always appears greener. Until he has to mow it. You cannot compare with this new woman at the moment because he is in a fog - you re familir and 'safe' to him, she is exciting, dangerous and new. I'm not saying that to upset you or put you down, just how he will most likely be seeing things Of course, when that dies off, which it will, he will see that you are the better person. This OW, like my OW, has little or no regard for someone else's R, however much he pursued her. She, like my OW will be needy and what happens when he stops fulfilling all those needs? Maybe she'll do it again and look outside for the solution I guess as the old saying goes ' If she does it with him, she'll do it to him' He's pleasing himself, you need to help you out right now and take care of yourself. You are the better person, take faith from that Hope this helps Matt Matt, THANK YOU!!!! I wish you could explain to me why he is being so mean. It's killing me. I miss him so much and have NC with him for about 3 weeks and it hurts so bad. He is so clouded by this new 'love' and now there is a baby (or so he says.) I just don't understand where his love for me went. Maybe we could talk? I know not everyone is the same...but some perspective could be useful.
mattym Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Matt, THANK YOU!!!! I wish you could explain to me why he is being so mean. It's killing me. I miss him so much and have NC with him for about 3 weeks and it hurts so bad. He is so clouded by this new 'love' and now there is a baby (or so he says.) I just don't understand where his love for me went. Maybe we could talk? I know not everyone is the same...but some perspective could be useful. Confused - i see you do not have pm access my email is [email protected] I'll delete this later
JustBreathe Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 CS: what does that stand for "crappy spouse" "coo-coo spouse?" CJ, they won't understand until they come back from Fantasy Island and realize they've been on Gilligan's Island the whole time. Then it is often too late. So make sense all you want, CJ, they won't get it until the crap hits the fan. I think the HARDEST part about the whole post affair thing is having to watch them pine away and wither over the loss of their affair partner. It was degrading to me. I will not ever forget it. Then after all that, a year and sometimes less than that, they see that same gift from the heavens soulmate as the biggest mistake they ever made, and so not worth the price they paid. Too bad, so sad.
Author cj1988 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 JB, you are correct and unfortunate for my H it is too late. When I saw him falling apart over her or whatever for months, it did make me SICK, but not anymore ! I do not care enough for it to bother me....call me selfish, but it is all about ME now and just me !
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