what do you do?

[e.clipse]

what do you guys do when thoughts of your ex completely saturate your mind? when they seem so intense, that they feel like they are the ones in control? when all they do is dig and dig deep into your heart, looking for memories of better times past, to bring to the surface--to make you sad, to make you long, to make you want to reach out?

 

when all you want is that familiar face, how do you say no to your self?

[BalancenLuv20]

When that did happen, I would sit in my room and cry and feel awful. I'd then switch to thinking about how she never thought about me anymore now that she had a new bf to have all these new memories with. But then I realized I CAN"T FEEL SORRY for myself anymore. Get involved in things you were neglecting while you were giving all that time to your gf... I took the time to start being good to my family instead of making them feel like I've taken them for granted...I became a more compassionate individual who wouldn't close himself off so much from society and I began to have patience with people who I normally couldn't stand.

 

The memories will always be there, but just don't try and focus on them so heavily and a large part of that is accomplished by trying to to avoid situations that will make you think of her. Think about the bright side like all the free time you have now that she's gone. For me it's great not to have to feel like I am obliged to be on the phone at a certain time every night, but that I am free to do what I want and experience new things that my ex gf probably would've held me back from doing...get psyched up, get motivated, and prove to yourself that you are worth it...

[AriaIncognito]

Get involved in things you were neglecting while you were giving all that time to your gf...

 

There's a lot to be said for this. A lot of us lose bits and pieces of ourselves when we date somebody, because well, something has to give. Maybe getting reinvolved in something you enjoy, will keep your mind from wandering to the ex, at least for a little while...

[desertguy]

Yes, by all means try doing some of those things you've "been meaning to get around to." This can distract you and also get rid of some of that dreaded inertia that is so annoying. When the thoughts are overwhelming, I find that writing a letter, to the ex, or journalling to yourself, helps to dissipate some of this energy. Of course never send the letter, better yet delete it or burn it (if it's on paper). Taking a long walk also helps me, and gives me some benficial exercise as well. It's very individual, you need to find what works for you.

[spookie]

Well TBH on a couple of occasions I DID reach out. And was met with silence:o. Which helped me avoid reaching out later on.

 

I DO still spend a lot of my time feeling things for him. I will sit in my room and just cry and write. I've always wanted to be a writer and in a sick way this is helping me get a lot of practice in, as well as providing an outlet other than HIM for my emotions.

 

When I want to NOT think about it, I go out and do my chores. There are tons - it's going to take years to get my life in order, after the way I stopped caring about it.

[sedgwick]

It's hard, but I remember all the times he made me cry. I remember sitting around wondering whether he loved me or not. I remember how flaky he was and I realize I want to spend my time with people who say something and mean it and don't waffle. I know that calling him would seriously lower my self-esteem and probably make me cry some more, and I would rather feel good about myself and not cry. But mostly I just try to distract myself. Calling a friend instead and remembering the people who DO love me and who have stuck by me for years (as opposed to my 10-month relationship) always makes me feel better. My best friend and I have this thing we do where, when one of us feels down, we call the other and say, "tell me one thing you love about me." It helps.

[MissCourtney]

Okay.

 

Please listen to me when i say this. Everyone will have thoughts of their exes. Especially when the exes start calling again.

 

It's up to you to realize that ya'll did break up for a reason, and to remember that reason vividly.

 

You can not turn memories into feelings. It is not healthy to do that.

 

When people believe they still have feelings for their exes, it is because the memories start flowing back to them and the translate thAt into still having feelings for that person.

 

Just think about it.

 

Have a good day.

 

-c

[e.clipse]

ah, thanks for the replies. i was kind of just venting and talking to myself, trying to ground myself a bit. your replies were helpful, though.

 

But then I realized I CAN"T FEEL SORRY for myself anymore. Get involved in things you were neglecting while you were giving all that time to your gf...

 

i don't feel sorry for myself, per se. but like spookie said in another thread, i guess i am just into pain. or something.

 

and anyway, the whole "go out and do things" line of thought doesn't really work for me. i do do things. sure, they may be wastes of times, but it's stuff that i like doing. besides, when i go out and do other more social things--which is about every weekend--well, as someone else told me: it feels like i am just doing those things to make time pass, instead of feeling that inner enjoyment and appreciation that i used to.

 

it's just not the same, and one is a lot less desirable than the other.

 

Maybe getting reinvolved in something you enjoy, will keep your mind from wandering to the ex, at least for a little while...

 

oh, it does. but the big while just rehashes thoughts of him. maybe i'm hopeless.

 

Calling a friend instead and remembering the people who DO love me and who have stuck by me for years (as opposed to my 10-month relationship) always makes me feel better.

 

maybe i'm just an *******, but whenever my friends call me during a sulking moment, the last thing i want to do is talk to them. for the most part, they have it together more than i do, and it helps very little to hear how good their bfs are.

 

during other better moments, i don't mind, but not when i'm feeling down about him. if anything, i just round them up and drink myself to oblivion on the weekends. they think i'm just "hardcore," but i'm actually shredded.

 

It's up to you to realize that ya'll did break up for a reason, and to remember that reason vividly.

 

thanks, but this doesn't do anything for me. it's not that simple.

 

Well TBH on a couple of occasions I DID reach out. And was met with silence:o. Which helped me avoid reaching out later on.

 

I DO still spend a lot of my time feeling things for him. I will sit in my room and just cry and write. I've always wanted to be a writer and in a sick way this is helping me get a lot of practice in, as well as providing an outlet other than HIM for my emotions.

 

maybe we are two peas in a pod.

 

actually, i try to not be the first one to reach out. there have been times when i have, but nowadays i avidly try not to. in all honesty, it's not a self-respect thing for me, but more like i'm too chicken to initiate contact. i always imagine the worst, which makes me feel literally sick, so i just don't.

 

like you, i also write . . . a lot, a lot. mostly things for/about him, though, so i don't know if i'm defeating the purpose of it. the problem is, though, that when i start writing, even if not about him, it inevitably makes me think about him, which makes me all sulky yet again. it's a vicious cycle, these "feelings."

 

anyway, i'm very restless tonight. we have been "talking" via myspace () a bit. i posted a bulletin with a survey one sunday night, because i was bored, and he messaged me with something very vague.

 

in hindsight, perhaps i should have not replied, since the message wasn't really directly inviting a response, but i did anyway. and that resulted in an exchange of a few messages that have dispersed themselves throughout the days.

 

in the last message i wrote to him, i was talking and asking questions about a movie he mentioned. i also commented on his job situation, since he had told me things weren't going very well on that front. i also asked him if he was still working on fridays or not. and you know with what he replied? with telling me he can't wait to move.

 

WTF?! it's like he didn't even read my message, but instead just decided that it would be a good idea to tell me about how he can't wait to move far away, very soon.

 

he's not stupid. he knows i'll feel bad hearing about that, so then why does he tell me? unless he is telling all of his friends (bc he says that we are "friends." right.), it makes no sense that he would tell me. i mean, WTF am i supposed to say to that??!?!?!

 

ugh.

[Storyrider]

He's messing with you because it helps him feel in control.

 

Which means he cares what you think, which means you're more in control than you realize.