Anyway to start over

[Lucky555]

I would like to start a relationship over meaning "just friends" or "dating" This is about a guy and I.

we are not a couple

we only see each other every couple of weeks and we become flirty and touchy . Now here is the thing i know this is not going to change unless he wants to date me. It seems like he likes spending time with me without the commitment to me. However, its been like this for three months now.

 

I do like him but it was like this before with him..last time (rewind last year for five months) he didn't want to be with me because he was not sure what he wanted and he was "scared" so this time is the last time. I need to make it clear that there will be NO friends with benefits and i am not just some young woman to hang out with for kicks of having these benefits of "playing" me. He has said he is not a player but his actions are speaking louder than his words. He is not dating anyone but i know he is flirting with other girls he works with and I am sure he wouldn't mind dating them. I don't want to be the "just in case" girl.

 

So i would like to know how to still hang out with each other but keep things platonic...because i want him to see that its either "just friends" or "dating" He doesn't talk about dating me or seeing me...so I think just staying away from his advances will do right? Also, not sitting near him or letting him touch me also (he likes to put his hand on my back)

 

So i don't want to be mean, i don't want to hurt him. But its hurting me because I need to be free to move on and not keep my hopes on someone who isn't really there. I know that some guys can just "play" the girl like this and they are fine with it, however i am not fine with playing with hearts. I would like to have a clear mind and direction in this matter. My friends tell me to get rid of him... but i care about him and i can't help that aspect. I just don't want to ignore or just start acting mean because that is not who i am. I don't want him to feel rejected either...but as u see he probably will be and hes going to be upset. This will set the tone I hope that were friends, it hurts to say that because I know thats not what he wants and its not what i want..but he just doesn't want to date or have that commitment apparently. When say I commitment its not marriage its simply saying that we move things forward and we go out and have a great time. It means that we could be a great couple..but i think the "scared" excuse is over now because I am not scary and i give him no reason to doubt me, he just maybe doubts himself? I am going to feel sad and a bit hurt about this but i know its for the best.

Another thing i have noticed he does not tell me about these other girls...i know he finds them attractive i know he sees this particular girl once a week he does not mention any of this. So here is what i think. I think he is trying to be with these other girls like having them get to know him ect. and he is using me for "oh i am hanging out with so and so" as a tactic to show that hes not pursuing them but in reality he is, because when they do get to see what a great guy he is showing himself to be..then he can ditch me and say we were never anything and there is no attachment there. So then he will be "single" the whole time so he can be free to make a choice to be with them. This is my assertion, wow i should dump him if i have this many insecurities and doubts. um do i really care about him now? after reading my own post i think i have found my answer. Any other comments are welcome i just needed this out.

[jcster]

My friends tell me to get rid of him... but i care about him and i can't help that aspect. I just don't want to ignore or just start acting mean because that is not who i am. I don't want him to feel rejected either...but as u see he probably will be and hes going to be upset. This will set the tone I hope that were friends, it hurts to say that because I know thats not what he wants and its not what i want..but he just doesn't want to date or have that commitment apparently.

 

Hurt feelings or no, the best course of action is to let this guy go. Neither one of you will be happy with the "just friends" route, and eventually one or the other of you will cave to distastrous results. If he wanted to be serious with you, he would have the first time around - he's very unlikely to see the "error of his ways" and keeping him around on the off chance that he might change his mind is going to hurt you more than just letting him go.

[Lucky555]

hey thanks for the advise i NEED to hear that. I have always told others in this situation to get rid of the guy and they always say "but i care about him" and then i say "obviously he doesn't care about you enough"

 

However, now that i am in the position it kills it really does. We had weird relationship for over a year!

 

I know part of the reason he not with me is because i am still in school nor do i have my own place because i am saving money on tuition since my school is so expensive..and my friends say LEAVE HIM. and what did i do i kept going out with him only getting hurt worse because he didn't do anything about an "US"

 

So now, i am supposed to see him this week.....which is why i was asking advise. Its a social thing i agreed to already but its like i know

what hes doing and i don't want to believe it.

When i first met him he was still hurt from an ex this was a year ago. but i helped him the best i could as his friend. Then he pursued me and then it turned into this WEIRD relationship. Which is called friends with benefits. I didn't want to believe that i am giving him another chance thinking that this time it would be different at least i wont wait another five months to figure it out. It just sucks because i didn't want to think that he could do this and the fact is he did and he is.

 

 

So i should not even be friends with him? I want to keep things civilized, i don't ever hate people, i can keep away from him though for sure. I will try to get out of this week in seeing him.