polywog Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Hey guys, I've posted parts of this story on my other recent threads, but feel the need to post it here on this forum. This summer I started a new relationship that seemed incredibly promising. It was with a guy I have sort of had a crush on for years, and we had a cosmic meeting right before my huge LTR break-up that seemed to portend something. It would make this post way too long to describe it, but trust me... the timing of it was wild.... unbeknownst to me, he was in town because his gf broke up with him (his family is here, and he'd moved away a few years before). Two days later, my bf broke up with me. It stuck in my head, despite all the awful grief my break-up created. We got together after bumping into each other all summer when he was down to visit. And started, slowly, a romance. he has moved back here, which was planned before he met me. We are so compatible intellectually, same sense of humor, he felt like The One. I know he shared those feelings. Neither of us had ever felt so comfortable with another person, male or female, or has communicated so honestly. Can't emphasize this enough. He became sober 47 days ago, and this threw a glitch, but also an unexpected gift. His working on himself has made him unable to have anything leftover to give to a relationship. He has told me, after we tried to maintain a relationship, that it just can't be. After all my declarations that I want to be there through it with him. I'm afraid I was a bit pushy about that. And I do (did?) want that. But I have to respect it, because I respect him so much and want what's best for him. The gift part is this; his own search for sobriety resonated, uncomfortably, with my own alcohol issues, which I've talked about on another forum. Our abuse of alcohol mirrored each other's, and forced me to confront my own stuff, and I went to my first meeting last night. This was a giant thing for me. I know I'll be doing a lot of my own work. I stopped in to visit him after the meeting, because he knew I was going, and wanted to hear about it. It was good, but he reiterated to me that he just does not feel he can have a romantic relationship with me. I am sad. To me it is like having a taste of caviar, and know that I can't have it again. I don't know how any other man could measure up to him. I know we will be in touch, and we will attend a lot of the same AA meetings. It's very likely that we will stay friends, there is just too much there beyond the romantic part. My romantic side with the cosmic first meeting and all that is going to have a tough time just letting this go, giving up on the possibility that things will come around, healthier than ever. It's very challenging to give this dream up. And I feel really, really sad. I don't know how much more I can take... it has been a tough year. Thanks for reading this long post.
michael d Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 aloha. i feel for you, yet another person who is hurting. sounds like you both are making great strides to improve your lives. facing addiction issues is very hard. keep going on this path to recovery. pursue your interests and stay busy and concentrate on you and good things await.. who knows what may happen between you two later, but something good has already emerged by your paths crossing - and that is you both are facing your own problems. that has been a blessing. the future is ahead of you both, embrace it and stay positive. it stings i know. but time will deliver an answer. good luck. mike d
Author polywog Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Thanks mike for such a positive post... I appreciate it! Already I feel better and very grateful after attending 4 meetings, and plan to attend another tonight. Ran into him at last night's meeting, and we had a great talk during the break, and another after the meeting. Not rekindling romance stuff, but just great talk about sobriety, and what we've been up to the past few days. Things have shifted for me, too... It's not that I'm not thinking about him, but I feel, maybe like he did, that this other thing is my primary focus right now. So we'll see whatever happens. He's a good,good friend if nothing else.
tanbark813 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Well nothing is entirely good or bad. While the break-up may suck some balls at least the relationship led you to re-examine your alcohol issues and work on fixing them. Just (try to) stay focused on the positive aspects.
LakesideDream Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Sorry you are hurting Wogs.. things sometimes happen for a reason though. Spend your efforts now on your drinking problem. Go to your meetings, work seriously, beat it. When you mind clears, you will be ready for things like relationships. Right now you are busy working on yourself.
Author polywog Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Well nothing is entirely good or bad. While the break-up may suck some balls at least the relationship led you to re-examine your alcohol issues and work on fixing them. Just (try to) stay focused on the positive aspects. Thanks Tan. I'm doing that right now. I'm just starting out on all this stuff, but I'm actually really liking it, except for the fact that I missed a great xmas party where a lot of my friends are, to attend a meeting that was not that great. That party is at a great local dive bar, and it's an Open Bar until 8:00, so I missed that temptation, thank god.... but still, it's going to be a trip during the holidays to keep from wanting to drink socially. Sorry you are hurting Wogs.. things sometimes happen for a reason though. Spend your efforts now on your drinking problem. Go to your meetings, work seriously, beat it. When you mind clears, you will be ready for things like relationships. Right now you are busy working on yourself. Thanks Lake. I already see my mind clearing, and I'm actually getting that "down to work" feeling that has made me not miss the romance with T so much. It's been a good thing, actually. But the few people I've told who are not in the meetings with me keep telling me that I don't have a problem, they can't see it, etc.... I'm not talking drinkers. I have to just realize that it's a personal decision, a problem that I Felt, and just keep moving forward. I guess that's where T resonated with me, people feel the same about him. It's not like either of us were the falling down drunk making scenes losing jobs hitting bottom types.... more like having a personal decision that drinking was keeping us back from the creative life, and from addressing unhappiness from really accessing joy as we could. Keeping us from being our best. That's what made him and his trip with it so compelling and impossible to ignore. If I'd had a chance to talk at the unsatisfying meeting I'd just attended, I'd have said this. But it was a small group of women all talking too long (so not everyone had a chance) and trying to top each other's wacky outrageous drunk/drug stories. Geeez. Annoying and selfish. I mighta got more out of seeing my pals at that annual party and testing out what it's like to avoid an open bar!
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