doubting love

[squirrel09]

Hey, Im new here.

 

Hey, my name is Gavin, I have been dating this girl for about 8 months now, we have been so in love and everything was just perfect, we both could see us having a future togeather![

 

About a month ago, I was chatting to another girl on MSN, I ended the conversation, because i felt a feeling of guilt for chatting to the that girl, and then all of a sudden I started asking myself questions and havin negative thoughts going through my head, like "maybe we arnt meant for eachother" "maybe im just pretending to love her" or "maybe its all fake" and for the past month I have been circling those thoughts int my head, getting sad with each day, and feeling really empty and emotionally disconnected to her, This has made me really depressed. I cant even look her in the eye when she says she loves me! I know I do love her, but these overwhelming negative feelings from the anxiety is blocking me to feel love. I cant get these thoughts out of my head! and right now I dont know what I feel for her?

 

I have been doing alot of research on the net and I found the loveshack forum and read your post!

 

Has anyone gone through what I have experienced? Please I just need some help or some advise.

 

Thanks

[nateman2384]

I am going through the same thing you are. I have anxiety problems. I know it is me over analyzing things as always, do you tend to over analyze things?

 

I just dont want to ruin a good thing because my brain wont turn off some times.

[squirrel09]

Yes, i wish i could turn my brain off:) but, when im around her, I feel kinda scared and anxious, where i used to feel happy and loved. Something triggered all this anxiety, I think it it has to do with your Irrational thoughts/beliefs. I think me and you are both looking for answers, but cant come up with a rational answer.

 

I just remembered me saying to myslef "Is this love real" and "maybe its just my imagination" and "maybe I dont love/like her" and then i get heavily depressed and sad and heartbroken!

 

I think we must just reasure ourselfs that we love our gf, and just think back to all the good times. I think we feel this way because we do love our gf.

 

How are you deeling with this?

[lbj123]

I am on the exact opposite side of the coin. I was with a guy who recently ended things because he was "having doubts". Everything was so great and it was, in my opinion, so silly that he ended it because essentially he just freaked himself out. I felt that he got scared by his own strong feelings.

 

 

I think you spoke to that other girl on MSN because you're a human being. The thought of being with one person can be a difficult pill to swallow. Now you've got yourself all worked up and you've driving yourself crazy and creating multiple levels of doubt that aren't really there. You need to relax. It's hard, but try to stop thinking about the inner workings of exactly how you feel and just be. Just let yourself go...let yourself enjoy this girl in the moment without obsessing about the future.

 

 

It sounds like there is something special there and it would be sad to ruin it just beacuse you are psyching yourself out.

 

Out of curiousity, have you been in serious relationships before? Have you been in love before?

[squirrel09]

I have been in serious relationships, but each relationship was different. This one is more special:) I have not felt this way about anyone in my whole entire life, This relationship I could actually see a future, and see myself spending the rest of my life with her. I think I have completly lost myself now:confused: I dont want to lose this girl. All day and every day I keep on sighing and feeling sad, because it feels like im losing her more and more.

I wish I knew what had happened to me? why did i have these thoughs and why did these thoughts bother me so much?

[lbj123]

It sounds like you know what you need to do...everything and anything to get past these feelings and move into a more positive place. But a question you really need to explore is what is behind these feelings? If you are so certain that she is the one for you and that you are head over heels in love, what is making you feel so horribly upset? Why are you questioning this with this level of intensity? Is there something you're nto telling us? Did something happend with the chat room girl?

[nateman2384]

I cope with it by just saying in my head "I love her so much, quit being stupid" I on the other hand havent been in this serious of a relationship. I tend to over analyze everything in life, so this is just something new to obsess over. I just need time to get over my fears, the thought of spending your life with one person is scary. But it is a good type of scary.

[squirrel09]

It sounds like you know what you need to do...everything and anything to get past these feelings and move into a more positive place. But a question you really need to explore is what is behind these feelings? If you are so certain that she is the one for you and that you are head over heels in love, what is making you feel so horribly upset? Why are you questioning this with this level of intensity? Is there something you're nto telling us? Did something happend with the chat room girl?

 

I guess it was just the guilt that created all these negative/irrational thoughts, and probably that was what created anxiety that creates all these negative feelings. Not much was said to the girl in the chat room, tho i did feel guilty for speaking to another girl!

[squirrel09]

I cope with it by just saying in my head "I love her so much, quit being stupid" I on the other hand havent been in this serious of a relationship. I tend to over analyze everything in life, so this is just something new to obsess over. I just need time to get over my fears, the thought of spending your life with one person is scary. But it is a good type of scary.

 

Thats is exactly what I do all day and eveyday, but these anxious feelings are so overwhelming. I find that righting down all the negative thoughts and emotions on paper and replacing them with a positive thought and emotion works really well!

 

I really hope that i feel the love again and not this stupid anxiety!

[D-Lish]

.... I have been circling those thoughts int my head, getting sad with each day, and feeling really empty and emotionally disconnected to her, This has made me really depressed. I cant even look her in the eye when she says she loves me! I know I do love her, but these overwhelming negative feelings from the anxiety is blocking me to feel love. I cant get these thoughts out of my head! and right now I dont know what I feel for her?

 

 

Have you considered that it isn't the relationship that has triggered the anxiety and depression.... but it's anxiety and depression that is affecting the relationship??

 

You use words like sad, empty, disconnected, anxious....

Those emotions are often indicative of clinical depression and anxiety.

I am obvious not a therapist, but I have experience with those feelings. Anxiety and depression are common. The only reason I bring this up is because I have had those same emotions. I was feeling lost and anxious and disconnected and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me until I saw my doctor and got some help for it.

 

Perhaps you might want to explore if what you are experiencing is something your physician can treat. I think it's normal to question your love for someone- but the other emotions you describe are pretty textbook Depression. Go research a bit about depression- see if it fits with how you are feeling. You have nothing to lose.

 

It's just a suggestion- not a diagnosis!!

[Green]

dump her, its over and you just lzy now

[squirrel09]

I honestly think that it is a self esteem problem. Like i felt really guilty for speaking to this girl, so i felt unworthy of my girlfriends love - so i kept pushing her away..and as much as it felt right by being with her, it felt wrong aswell.

 

This guilt created Irrational thoughts, anxiety, depression, etc..

 

I still feel week and abit depressed, but I have to work this relationship..I dont want to lose her!

 

I think Depression and anxiety play a big role on your thoughts and emotions! I know i felt like a completly different person around her, and as much as I want to love her, there was always something bothering me, like an unanswered question, I would sit up at night and ask myself questions. eventually you start to doubt yourself because of the feeling in your gut. I think there is no diference between feeling anxious and exited. its how you precieve it to be.

 

I dont know if this might help anyone that has the same problem as me! but with abit more understanding of the problem, im sure we can manage ourselves!

 

@KMT: You not really helping! we dont need any negative answers.

[nateman2384]

I have realized it is personal problems that are making me have negative thoughts about my relationship. I too felt I was unworthy of her love. But guess what, you have each other. You love each other, talk to her, she'll still love you. She may be upset for a bit, but it'll blow over soon enough. Talking to your girlfriend will help so much.

[squirrel09]

so how are you coping? i hope well!

I self talk positive things into my head everyday!

 

Did you ever feel emotionally disconnected to your girlfriend? Is this normal? does depression cause this?

[squirrel09]

Have you considered that it isn't the relationship that has triggered the anxiety and depression.... but it's anxiety and depression that is affecting the relationship??

 

You use words like sad, empty, disconnected, anxious....

Those emotions are often indicative of clinical depression and anxiety.

I am obvious not a therapist, but I have experience with those feelings. Anxiety and depression are common. The only reason I bring this up is because I have had those same emotions. I was feeling lost and anxious and disconnected and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me until I saw my doctor and got some help for it.

 

Perhaps you might want to explore if what you are experiencing is something your physician can treat. I think it's normal to question your love for someone- but the other emotions you describe are pretty textbook Depression. Go research a bit about depression- see if it fits with how you are feeling. You have nothing to lose.

 

It's just a suggestion- not a diagnosis!!

 

Thanks for your advise, did the depression affect your relationship in anyway?