Myfakename Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 (im gonna be ambiguous alot to protect my identity. My friends sorta know about my alter ego here) Ok so first off, is this even my business? Well so here we go. So about 9 months ago i grew suspicious of my friends partner. For years they complained about going for long stretches multiple times(much more then i though, i found out later) for no sex. Also my friends partner would work LONG hours ALOT. This by itself wasnt so damning. I actually respect people that take pride in their work and give it all they've got. But weird behaviours started to pop up here and there, especially when it came to one of this persons co-workers. I just noticed how much they would change(in a positive way) when this person would show up. Like all touchy and play wrestly . Again, not too damning because all of this persons co-workers reacted to this person like that. Its more the fact that my friend kinda was getting the **** end of the stick in all this. So one drunken night, while i was at thier house, i entered my friends partners email late at night. I know this was wrong but i really had to know. Low and behold, this persons co-worker was sending an avalanch of love letters and poems to them. Pretty bad ya? Well unfortunately this persons responses were either erased or pretty vague and short. So its sort of a dead end. I sorta let it slide after a month or so because im also now friends with this person too. I know my friend is VERY in love with this person, and now isnt a good time for their lives to get disrupted(cant really go into details in that but it makes sense if you know...just have to trust me on that) Then about a month and a half ago i noticed this friend being very suspicious and secretive with their phone. Like checking for messages and text messages and pretty inappropriate times. And while checking them, they were being extra careful to not let anyone see anything. Well this once again piqued my interest and once again i went snooping. I cannot get into their email as they have taken the save password feature off, possibly suspicious of me, im not actually sure. But i was able to snoop thier phone and some of thier stuff. The phone was pretty much the same as the email. Except they did tell this person they were hot. The one damning thing i found was actual physical love letters from the coworker to them that they were carrying around. So here is my dilemma. Even though the total sum of all this seems to point to cheating, it still could be that this person is just sucking up the drama and attention. Also i had a conversation with anouther friend of mine, and they pointed out that if i were to go to my friend with this, 'I' might be the one who gets blamed in the end. Like its my fault or something. Though my methods are kinda sketchy. So what do i do. Should i gather better intel on this person, or should i just drop it and let them figure it out on thier own. 'confused P.S. I saw some pretty sweet spy ware floating about. That would definitly give me the evidence that i need. They use one computer primarily and they do so late at night and in secret alot of the time. So im thinking thats ground zero. P.S.S. I dont want to say ANYTHING to my friend until im absolutely sure. I dont want to **** up thier relationship on a hunch.
Bryanp Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your friend to inform you with such information? A true friend is a person who can say the hard truth.
cj1988 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Go to your freind and tell them....they may get mad and call you liar when the S lies to them ! You may be the bad guy for a while, until he confesses or she catches him and calls you back and says you were right ! Trust me, you are doing the RIGHT thing for your friend, she would do that for you right? You would expect her to, right?
Author Myfakename Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Well my 'friend' is my oldest friend, but thier partner i've still been friends with for 7 years too. I just want to be 98% sure. Right now im about 60-70% sure. It could just be what people describe as 'emotional' cheating. I know that emotional cheating can lead to the real thing, but at this stage I'm thinking that i'd be doing more harm then good. Like i was saying, love notes and poems arnt really that damning. I think my friend would be better off with a more positive person, but that isnt my call. And the aftermath of this would ruin my friends life for the next year or two. I think im gonna use the spy ware. I need more evidence.
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 You've certainly made this your job to bust your friend's partner. I know you are trying to help, your heart is in the right place, but you're kind of getting obsessed with this! So, when you get all the evidence you need, what then? Bust him yourself, or present all this to your friend? Your friend will be hurt and pissed off that you didn't tell her from square one and that you snooped and did all this work to find out the truth. Or, she'll be happy, I honestly don't know, but maybe you should talk to her partner and tell him that you know he's a dog who's cheating and go from there.
Author Myfakename Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Ya i think i am totally becoming obsessed. Sheesh. I also thought about that to(the contacting the partner). That might work or it could just make things way worse. I dont know what to do. At least if i had all the evidence, i'd be able to make one final decision. This is making me all crazy I'm trying not to let my friend know until im really ready because i dont want them to get all jelouse and suspicious. If its really just a passing thing, then theres no need to plant that seed of doubt. Trust is paramount in a relationship. Once its gone, it never really comes back. My friend also has an issue where they've been cheated on before, so this would be like a HUGE hit to them. ...........i need to think more.....
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Your friend probably has her own suspicions and can see little red flags. It's just you are messing in someone else's life...Yes, she is a dear friend and all, but you are invading their lives, snooping and reading emails, thinking of installing a keylogger...Just saying that really isn't your place. It's HER place to be doing all the checking up first, then if she needed you, she could ask you...Just weird that you're taking all this on like it is you he is betraying... Maybe take a step back and take a break from this. This isn't your life. It's hers.
whichwayisup Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Your friend probably has her own suspicions and can see little red flags. It's just you are messing in someone else's life...Yes, she is a dear friend and all, but you are invading their lives, snooping and reading emails, thinking of installing a keylogger...Just saying that really isn't your place. It's HER place to be doing all the checking up first, then if she needed you, she could ask you...Just weird that you're taking all this on like it is you he is betraying... Maybe take a step back and take a break from this. This isn't your life. It's hers.
Author Myfakename Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Ya you know what, you are right. Thanks. I think i just needed someone to say that.
Phateless Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 If someone thought a girl was cheating on me, I would want them to tell me. I would probably try to convince them they're wrong, but... hell, in the past, I have had those convos with my friends about my ex. I don't think she ever cheated but you never know... but yeah, I would want to know.
Phateless Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 sorry, loveshack froze and posted twice. TONY - we need an option to delete our own posts.
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