niceguy27 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 well its been quite a while since i joined and some time since ive posted. a lot of you on here know my story so i wont retell it. it will be almost 4 months since our split. about 3 if you dont count the ''time off'' period. since then we have seen each other about 5 times. no hooking up and no intimacy. we have maintained very low contact. recently we have been doing this little ''drink'' night where we meet for a little while and catch up. its so nice to just talk like we used to. not about us or anything but stuff we used to talk about. (you can read my previous posts about what has been talked about). its been wonderful. ive gone on a couple dates with others though i still care and love her i am kind of looking at someone else... anyway, i have since been spending a lot of time with a beautiful friend of mine. i think i am developing feelings for her and im not sure if i should persue them. heres the problem: 1)she is a good friend and i dont think she reciprocates them back. sometimes i think she does cuz she kind of knows how i feel and still hangs out with me. other times it seems i am just a friend. if we did ''step it up a notch'' i honestly think things would work out. 2) im scared that maybe im reading too much into these feelings and i am replacing the lost feelings for the ex with her. like a false sense of falling for her? but then again last weekend while out with her and other friends i ran into a girl that i know. we danced and hung out and had fun at the bar. well...she wanted to leave with me and take me home with her. what did i do???? i went and danced with my beautiful friend and hung with her! WTF??? im single, not committed to anyone, and i turned down a little bit older woman that would of rocked my world (sorry, i want to get the point across). why? because i ALWAYS think with my head upstairs and not the one one downstairs. AND to top it off my ex emailed me that night apologizing about not getting back wih me this past week about another drink night. so what in the world do i do?? its been almost 4 months so....but im not 18 anymore and honestly i have more respect for myself than that and my heart is kind of on my friend (at least i think it is). this other chick i could hook up with anytime i wanted to and my friend whom im kind of pining over would never know. even though things may never go anywhere with her, i kind of feel guilty. so WTH is going on?
Author niceguy27 Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 any help here? Is it because Im afraid of opening myself up so soon? I mean come on...Im a guy here. I shouldnt be thinking like this. I think the thing with my friend is something I have to kind of build upon and may take some time. And in the meantime, Im just not the type of person to randomly sleep with someone. 5 or 6 years ago, yes I would of without a passing thought but now, I have to have some type of connection with someone. I think its because this is all new to me since my ex and I split and Im just nervous about stepping back into the dating scene. Caliguy would tell me to go read my book again because it says to just do what I want. Haha.
Surfer Girl Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Nice Guy.... Your original plan was to do NC... Heal yourself and reconnect... You are still involved with your ex... Do you still feel you want to get back together with her? If you do decide to take a chance with someone else... Having the ex in the picture will be very difficult... Once you are able to let the ex go... A new relationship could occurr.... It would not be fair to pursue a new relationship unless the old relationship is done..... Because you still see the ex... maybe it comes easier to think you want a new relationship.... But... Are you willing to give up on ex????
AriaIncognito Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 My gut tells me that if you have to ask anyone if you're ready, then you're not ready.... I dont have much advice to offer. it's been 6 months for me, and I know I'm not ready. I'd love to have someone, but I also know I can't rush it, and I dont want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. I want to be with them because I have a true interest in them. So, I shall wait. I think possibly you should too.... What do you think?
Author niceguy27 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 surfergirl...thats where im confused...after seeing my ex only a few times since we split i started to think of some things. mostly in the past couple weeks. 1) i dont feel any need to call her or even wonder what shes up to. 2) when she shared with me about what happened with her (previous post), i think it took me a while to process it. now that a few weeks have passed, all i think about is the fact that if she was so ''in love'' with me, how could she start sleeping with this guy bout a month after we split? since the split, ive always justified why she did the things she did (almost like defending her actions). i know the whole ''drink night'' probably isnt all that good. we dont talk about us or anything and its only happened twice or so in the past 3 months. i dont have any other hidden motives for meeting her and dont talk any other time besides those meetings. aria....i love her still yes and at the same time i accept that if any type of reconciling is to happen, its going to be her that has to realize what she left behind (i would in no way punish her or hold anyting over her) and ive realized that ive done ALL i can to show her how i feel. i know what i have to offer a woman and i am tired of feeling sad and lonely. if she can run that fast then why should i still be feeling like this? thus me stepping out onto the dating scene ever so lightly and seeing whats out there. i guess ive been holding out for her these pst few months and i found myself becoming attracted to someone else. is it guilt??? in some weird sense? that ive accepted that shes moved on so why not me? and am i pursuing my good friend because i am reachng out for comanionship? look at me...second guessing my feelings now and not trusting my gut...damn ex's...
cant let go Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 look at me...second guessing my feelings now and not trusting my gut...damn ex's... well in my experience, only trust your gut when it has to do with fear. when it comes to romance, you can't trust anything!!!!
Surfer Girl Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Perhaps it so confusing... Wanting the ex... and thinking she may not want you... So.... You do what you feel is best for you... Moving on with someone else... Every timeline is different... yet that dreaded word TIME... Every one heals in their own time line... I know I can't date yet... as I am still emotionally envolved... Once, I can accept it is really over is when I can perhaps move on....
Author niceguy27 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 I keep going over in my head if she is already moved on and so quickly, why do I feel so weird about me? Well...today I was talking with someone and while discussing this the feeling I could best sum it up with was one of guilt. Why guilt? Becuase I think you guys are right...Im just not ready to put myself out there yet. Feeling guilty because I still miss her and it just seems like yesterday we split up. I have not spoken to her in over a week now. We had gotten together on a Sunday for a quick bite to eat and she emailed me later that night with this..."I had fun tonight. Thanks for putting up with me. We'll do it again soon." So I txtd her a day or two later telling her that the end of the week would be a good time for me for us to meet up again. I didnt hear from her for 6 days until she emailed me one night with this: "Hey Justin. I decided to write because it's kind of late. I JUST got home from work. I had class all day and then straight to work... i'm pooped. Sorry I haven't responded to your texts, I have been super busy because school is almost over and when i'm not at school, i'm sleeping, or at least trying. I'm not dead... I apologize. But, we'll have to get together when I'm done with school next week. Talk to you soon!" Funny thing is...I havent responded back in any way and frankly, I dont really care to. I got into a small accident today (bad roads) and actually have dates lined up for this weekend so I really dont have time for her. A couple months ago I couldnt of have gone a few days without wondering, thinking, and driving myself crazy thinking about what shes doing. Now she may only cross my mind a couple times a day. My friends all tell me that I need to man up and do whatever I want. This girl from last week (not my good friend whom I kind of have a thing for) is completely down with having a casual thing so what in the world is holding me back from that???
CalamitousJane Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Maybe you're growing up. That was my first sign, a couple years ago. Not wanting to keep seeing someone who was offering very nice s@x, snuggles and affection and "no strings". I'm kinda wanting "strings" right now, someone to keep waking up with. Someone to keep being best friends and best lovers with, for the rest of my life. Friends with benefits and casual things and short-term things had been fine for a long time. Then I tried to give up a deep love that I didn't even know was that deep, and nothing has been the same since. I was noticing that the tenderness and emotional depth level here in the "breakups" area of LS is MUCH deeper than in the "marriage" area. In an odd way, we are all lucky to be going through this. My plan now is that the next man I go to bed with will be the one I intend to tell all my dreams to. Having that in mind changes everything. My advice is "keep trusting your gut". You'll know when it's right.
Author niceguy27 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 Maybe you're growing up. That was my first sign, a couple years ago. Not wanting to keep seeing someone who was offering very nice s@x, snuggles and affection and "no strings". I agree and that is kind of how I feel now. 5 or 6 years ago I wouldnt even think twice about something casual. Now, after being with my ex for close to 2 years, all Ive known is a deep and intimate connection. Having some nice, no strings attached is just not me. Sounds a little weird when I say it but its how I feel deep down. Not only do I feel "guilty" about it, I feel that Im lying to myself saying that this is what I just "need" to do. I am going to go over to this girls house tonight and kind of play it by ear. If something happens, it does and Ill deal with the fallout later. If nothing does, then I'm going to know a little more of what it is exactly that is making me feel this way. You know, I wont really know until Im "put to the test" so to say.
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