What do I do now? Anything?

[NYCHottie]

I was dating this guy for a short time. On our third date, we had a stupid fight (stupid now). We didn't talk for a week then I sent him an email explaining my side and he responded with his take on things. It didn't really progress past that point so I called him later on and left him a message saying that I think we misunderstood each other and then I made a joke saying it was my attempt at trying to lighten things. I said if he wanted to call me back great and if not that was cool to. This was last Sunday night.

 

Didnt hear from him again until Friday night when he sent me this text about 8:30PM.

 

Hi, Cheryl! Sorry I didnt respond to your last message. It was light in spirit.

 

What does this mean? Was he just drunk? Was he trying to re engage me somehow? Did he expect a response? I really like this guy and I know he feels the same. We just have hit some stupid stalemate. Im confused. Help!

[D-Lish]

Have you answered his text yet?

 

What are the circumstances of the little misunderstanding?

That might help to understand how to help.

 

Three dates is still early on- playing it cool is pretty important- so spill on the details of the misunderstanding.

;-)

[NYCHottie]

No I havent because I didnt think it said anything I needed to respond to!

 

It was just a stupid argument where he did something I didnt like too much and he knew it. He was trying to get me to tell him something I didnt want to and he knew it so he left being a little sour with me - like he was rejected for me not wanting to share quite yet. Week goes by - my email to him, him back to me, then my call, then his text 5 days later.

 

Do you think his text was his way of testing the waters? Like maybe he was trying to feel me out if I was still angry or if I was receptive? I thought he was drunk when he wrote it. lol. also, when I called him last week, I told him he could call me back so I feel like the ball is still in his court. Right?

[D-Lish]

Well, I am only assuming that he sent you a text because there is still some interest. But it is good you didn't respond right away.

 

I think it is safe to respond now because it has been a few days.

If you think his initial reaction was rejection based just because you didn't want to spill something personal to someone you are just getting to know... then that might be a red flag.... meaning he might have some insecurity issues. It's hard to tell though- without knowing what he wanted to know that you wouldn't tell him.

 

And BTW... you have a right to keep some things to yourself- especially after 3 dates.

 

And his comment about it being "light in spirit"... that sounds like he is still upset about something. However, the fact that he reached out is a green light for you to respond.

 

He is testing the waters with a text... which means he doesn't want to deal with phone rejection.

 

Yes, I'd say the ball is in your court...

[NYCHottie]

Thanks, D. I thought the light in spirit thing was in reference to me saying I was leaving a joke in order to lighten things. But yeah, I thought it was still kinda sarcastic, unless he was just drunk - ha ha!

 

So what do I write him back?

[D-Lish]

I have been thinking about what you might say that keeps things light but gives him the green light to resume things.

 

I do think it was a little sarcastic... his comment.

;-)

 

"hope you had a good weekend, give me a shout".

 

That keeps it simple. If he doesn't respond, then you know to move on. You'll also know that he isn't worth pursuing. At least texting him back something like that leaves the door open, and it keeps things light.

 

Regardless of whether or not he was drunk- he was thinking about you.

[NYCHottie]

But dont you think thats really needy of me to tell him to call me AGAIN? I mean, I told him a week ago when I called him that he could call me back if he wanted to. And he didnt. All I got was this lameass text 5 days later.

 

Do you think if I wait a week or so then he might muster up the plums to call me himself when he sees Im not responding?

 

I dunno. Not saying I DONT agree with you, but I guess I feel like I already put myself out there once and he didnt take the bait, you know?

[D-Lish]

If you want my honest opinion.... I certainly think it is more energy than it is worth.

 

I do feel you did your part.

 

The texting back 5 days later with a sarcastic text isn't something that would be cool in my books. I guess it depends if you like him enough to continue with things.

 

Do you think it is worth it?

[NYCHottie]

OK, now YOUR confusing me! ha ha. First you thought it was a good thing he wrote me at all and advised me to contact him. Then you changed your mind and said it was all a bad idea! So which do we want to go with?

 

(and i wanted your honest opinion from the get-go. No need to humor anyone here and I was truly looking for some reality - not what you think I want to hear).

 

But yes - I do really like him. I have had two dates since him and I just come home and miss him more because he was so much fun and these others have been duds. its not like this thing is all his fault - we both made mistakes for sure.

 

And were from NY. Were always a bit sarcastic. ha! But yeah I also thought he was still peeved about our fight.

[D-Lish]

lol. I like you.

 

Well, I started off going with the notion that you liked him and wanted to work through this. That is where the initial advice came from.

 

I am normally more blunt.

 

If you like him and think he is worth it- then I say we build on that.

If it's worth it to you- then it's worth exploring that route.

 

I do think it's apparant he is playing a bit of a game with you.

But sometimes playing games is a part of dating and it's unavoidable.

I know from experience that some people are worth pursuing despite initial drama.... because all of us come to the table with a past, and the first few weeks are never really indicative of who we really are or what kind of partner we could potentially be.

 

So, having said that.....

will you text him back?

I pretty much think by the sounds of it- the ball is in your court if you want to continue anything. By the sounds of it- it doesn't seem like he is the type to reach out again.

 

;-)

[D-Lish]

Oh.... and I forgot to mention....

Remember, Being Canadian means I want to make everyone happy.

Then I want us all to settle our differences with a good ole' game of ice hockey.

 

 

hehe.

Seriously- don't date hockey players though.

[NYCHottie]

How do you mean he's playing a game? Because of the text? Is he baiting me?

 

And we dont like hockey. Couldn't we get beers?

[shockandawed]

If I may jump in here with a guys perspective...

 

D-Lish is one of the brightest (and hottest) posters on here and I usually always agree with her, but I see nothing worth pursuing here. At best, he just isn't that into you and worst, he is an immature game player. I think you deserve better either way.

 

I think a fight after the third date is a red flag. I mean, we are still on our best behavior at this point. What will it be like in two months?

 

OK, get past the fight, YOU initiated an apology and attempt to work it out. He waits nearly an entire week and then responds to you with a vague comment. As you said, a very lameass text. Don't you think this shows the signs of an immature jerk?

 

If I am into a relationship, I am going to do everything I can to resolve any stupid disagreement. I can't imagine what little I would have to feel for a new dating partner that would cause me to wait that long and then send some stupid vague response. Even if he wanted to save his ego, you gave him that opportunity and he continued the bs.

 

I would think you would want someone who is willing to show you respect and the ability to work out misunderstandings.

 

D-lish, I thought you guys settled things over a LaBatts and backbacon?

[NYCHottie]

That's awesome, thanks!

 

It's prerty much what i felt to. If that was all he could come up with hed have to do a whole lot better.

[D-Lish]

D-lish, I thought you guys settled things over a LaBatts and backbacon?

[/quote]

 

lol!!

 

Beer, backbacon, hockey, snowboarding... they are all just avoidance techniques. "What do you mean there's a problem??? There's no problem...Have a beer!"

 

So what is the verdict NYC? Are you going to put him to rest?

[NYCHottie]

D - I think Im going to NOT write him back. Like Shocked said I also was peeved he waited so long to reply and when he did it was seriously lame. I picture it coming down like this. He was out at happy hour with his boys. I came up. He told them we had a fight and I was wrong and we werent talking anymore. His boys said thats fine dude, but youre still clearly crazy about this girl and you were from the get-go (which he was, honestly). So, he tells them that I called him last Sunday night and he says he never called me back, mainly because he was still really pissed at me and felt attacked. His boys then tell him to call me immediately. Then another says you cant call her from a bar on a friday night! send her a text and acknowledge the call. Your a d-bag for not doing this earlier.

 

He sends the text thinking he did the right thing. Then wakes up saturday morning and groans when he reads it because he realizes it sounded retarded.

 

Yes i know I said some things he didnt like and he got some mixed messages and that his ego was bruised but I did try to talk like an adult with him. To write me 5 days later and have nothing to say is wrong. Yes he was thinking of me yes I am sure I am still quite on his mind but if he wants to get this going again hes going to have to do a whole lot better step up and make the call and we can go from there. I still feel like the ball is in his court.

 

And not to dispute Shock, its not that he feels so little about me - its that his ego got seriously bruised from the fight and he also has some reason to be embarrassed by his behavior. Though fighting early on is not a good thing sometimes when there is a lot of passion it happens. Hey - were Italian NY'ers its how we roll.

[Star Gazer]

I really like this guy and I know he feels the same.

 

Girl You've been on THREE DATES and you already had a fight. CHILL OUT!! It's OVER!!! He's trying to dump you now and you're just not getting the hint. Move on!

[D-Lish]

Yes i know I said some things he didnt like and he got some mixed messages and that his ego was bruised but I did try to talk like an adult with him. To write me 5 days later and have nothing to say is wrong. Yes he was thinking of me yes I am sure I am still quite on his mind but if he wants to get this going again hes going to have to do a whole lot better step up and make the call and we can go from there. I still feel like the ball is in his court.

 

 

I think you are doing the right thing by not reaching out then.

I've made that ridiculous mistake in the past of responding to a text, not getting an answer and then texting again "oh, yeah, just in case he didn't get the last one....." Then I feel like the idiot.

 

Regardless of how he feels, he obviously can't man up enough to do the direct phone call.... and that sort of seems pretty insecure of him.

If his ego gets bruised that easily....how would he handle any sort of confrontation down the road that was a little more serious???

 

I bet NYC is full of available guys more worthy of your time and energy.

I am heading there in February for a business trip to do some buying (my first time) I'm pretty excited...I hear the nightlife is pretty great.

;-)

 

Good luck to you!

D