Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Lauriebelle, coco and of course Johan and TBF you're all such dears but really, people are entitled to their opinions. It's ok if some people think I'm trying to validate my marriage to them (which I'm not.) It's ok if some people can't grasp the notion that people can connect right away and actually be RIGHT in thinking that they have a life-long connection. One can only feel a little sorry for people who don't believe in that kind of thing. It's sad. And those are the types of people that I don't want Star to listen to. She's already a very critical person. I mean there's nothing wrong with that per se, but you can go TOO much the other way and I think she's done that in the past perhaps. I want to see her give something that deserves a chance that chance, you know? I'm not here to start anything. I just want Star to give herself the chance at true happiness. That's all. And from what I've seen, she just may have a shot at it here.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Nice post, Kenzie. I respect that response. All I can say is we will have to see whose intuition about this turns out to be right. For Star's sake, I sure hope it's mine and the others who agreed that things are looking good for her. thank you. and while i'm not interested in trying to turn this into a contest, and while my opinion isn't based on any kind of intuition (just from what i see from her here and what i think based on what i've known and seen before in my own experience) i also hope you're the one who is right about all this. not sure how i can be wrong or right, though, seeing as i think it can really go either way. i'm just not so quick to say yippee, he's in it for the long haul when i have no clue...and i won't pretend to. star is sweet, and deserves happiness, which i think is something we can all agree on.
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 thank you. and while i'm not trying to turn this into a contest, and while my opinion isn't based on any kind of intuition (just from what i see from her here and what i think based on what i've known and seen before in my own life) i also hope you're the one who is right about all this. not sure how i can be wrong, though, seeing as i think it can go either way, i'm just not so quick to say yippee, he's in it for the long haul when i have no clue. star is sweet, and deserves happiness, which i think is something we can all agree on. Absolutely. We can all agree on that. However, my opinion is also not based solely on intuition. It's based only on my own experience and what Star has told us. And yes, one of us will be wrong. You're right that this isn't a contest. That's just a fact. And of course you're right that it can go either way. It's just that I'm going by the facts presented here. The odds of it going in the positive direction outweigh it going in the negative direction in my opinion and experience.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 It's ok if some people can't grasp the notion that people can connect right away and actually be RIGHT in thinking that they have a life-long connection. One can only feel a little sorry for people who don't believe in that kind of thing. It's sad. Yeah, but I live in a world where people actually have to work and wait and struggle for their relationships. It sucks sometimes, but in the longrun it makes them a whole lot more meaningful and worthwhile. So I think you're sad
sb129 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 This thread has taken a turn for the worse! Guys, knock it off...
Lishy Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Star ...... Just chill out regarding your man and if it works out then that is fabulous and if not babe you will dust yourself off and move on even though it hurts No one can know the outcome as no one has the capability to see into the future. I wish you all the best and I really do hope that it all works out for you. xx
Ariadne Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 This relationship was doomed from when he said "I need space from you today". I would give odds of this all working out as similar to winning the lottery. .............. (Don't know if BEG is right though, but she's hardly ever wrong )
Kamille Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 One of the biggest contradiction I see in this thread is that the people who say two -three months is too early to make a decision about the future are the same people saying the relationship is doomed because he isn't into her enough yet to give her certainty. As if, after two three months, the fact he isn't ready to ask her to share a future together is a sign of 'not into you', but meanwhile, these same people are saying it's too early for her to be able to make that commitment. It might be too early for them to make a decision because they are in the process of getting to know each other. As such, and as the leading 'ignore the nay-sayers cheerleader', all I've been advocating is that Star should take things one day at a time and see where things go. And that by focusing on the negative, by trying to find an answer to a question that doesn't have one yet, she might not be giving the relationship and her boyfriend a fair chance. Also, Star has argued with me about my 'take it easy, go for it, relax attitude', so I don't understand why some of you think that she's only focusing on the positive or only listening to the people who tell her "she's right on the money". It doesn't sound to me like Star is arguing that she is right about anything in this thread. To me, she sounds scared, anxious and confused. All she knows is that she wants this to work but is afraid of getting hurt. Because of this, deciding now that the relationship is doomed is self-sabotage IMO. And I also think SB has an incredibly valid point when she says that if her bf wanted to walk out, he would have had ample chance to do so by now. I really think that Star's bf wants to give their relationship a chance, in spite of future uncertainties. I also think that the best way for the both of them to give it a chance - and perhaps fall in love is for her to relax, find her balance and strenght. Lishy is right Star - what have you got to loose? And no matter what happens, you will get though it. I very strongly feel that you need to find a way to enjoy your relationship for what it is right now, at the risk of otherwise sabotaging what has already proven to be a great thing for you.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 One of the biggest contradiction I see in this thread is that the people who say two -three months is too early to make a decision about the future are the same people saying the relationship is doomed because he isn't into her enough yet to give her certainty. As if, after two three months, the fact he isn't ready to ask her to share a future together is a sign of 'not into you', but meanwhile, these same people are saying it's too early for her to be able to make that commitment. It might be too early for them to make a decision because they are in the process of getting to know each other. As such, and as the leading 'ignore the nay-sayers cheerleader', all I've been advocating is that Star should take things one day at a time and see where things go. And that by focusing on the negative, by trying to find an answer to a question that doesn't have one yet, she might not be giving the relationship and her boyfriend a fair chance. Also, Star has argued with me about my 'take it easy, go for it, relax attitude', so I don't understand why some of you think that she's only focusing on the positive or only listening to the people who tell her "she's right on the money". It doesn't sound to me like Star is arguing that she is right about anything in this thread. To me, she sounds scared, anxious and confused. All she knows is that she wants this to work but is afraid of getting hurt. Because of this, deciding now that the relationship is doomed is self-sabotage IMO. And I also think SB has an incredibly valid point when she says that if her bf wanted to walk out, he would have had ample chance to do so by now. I really think that Star's bf wants to give their relationship a chance, in spite of future uncertainties. I also think that the best way for the both of them to give it a chance - and perhaps fall in love is for her to relax, find her balance and strenght. Lishy is right Star - what have you got to loose? And no matter what happens, you will get though it. I very strongly feel that you need to find a way to enjoy your relationship for what it is right now, at the risk of otherwise sabotaging what has already proven to be a great thing for you. First of all, the OP never disagreed with you, or anyone else, telling her everything is going to work our fine (the closest she came was on the second page, where she asked you to clarify if you meant that she shouldn't commit to a future with him), but she's leapt down the throats of several "naysayers" (particularly Jilly Bean, where she was particularly petty and childish) with lots of pissy little comments, and blocked people who reiterated opinions she didn't like to hear. These are not the actions of someone acting objectively, genuinely looking for opinions on her situation; this is someone who wants people to make her feel better about herself. I think the OP has some sort of inclination--maybe even a subconscious one, that caused her to post this thread in the first place--that something is wrong as well, which explains her defensiveness. I doubt anyone her actually wants to see the OP get hurt, but the best way to deal with hurt is to prepare for it. After reading this thread and several of her other ones, I had a bad feeling about her relationship, which has been shared by other people who are not her friends and not required to validate her. It could go the other way, of course, where everything turns out fine, as there are two possible outcomes for this situation. But her friends, like Touche, telling her to "ignore the naysayers" are essentially telling her to disregard the reality of the situation, and pretend that there could only be a positive outcome. Chances are they will break up, as most relationships do eventually end, and needing space from someone you've already had plenty of space from is not a good indicator that things are going to be just peachy. I do agree, wholeheartedly, that the OP seriously needs to chill out.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 And yes, one of us will be wrong. You're right that this isn't a contest. That's just a fact. actually, it's not a fact, seeing as i am not predicting which way it will go. i'm not taking bets on whether star will or will not get her heart broken. i'm neutral, i can see where she could be hopeful and the potential for a good thing with this guy and i'm seeing where it has the potential to blow up in her face, as i've said before. i'm not trying to win something here. why does it seem like you're more interested in being right than what really happens to star and her feelings? i don't doubt that you care about her at all, i just don't see why so many of these posts are turning into "i'll be right, nana-nana-boo-boo" posts when it shouldn't be made to be about that. star, has anything new happened? i mean, have you talked about anything else since this conversation took place?
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Yeah, but I live in a world where people actually have to work and wait and struggle for their relationships. It sucks sometimes, but in the longrun it makes them a whole lot more meaningful and worthwhile. So I think you're sad Ok, thanks for clearing that up. I guess I have a relationship that has no meaning and isn't worthwhile. Where are you getting the idea that we haven't had our obstacles? Wow. And let me be clear. No one has suggested that Star disregard the "reality of the situation." Not sure where that came from. Kenzie, sorry you think I'm making this into a "contest." I'm not. I'm just trying to help Star. That's all. Kamille, great post! Especially this part: One of the biggest contradiction I see in this thread is that the people who say two -three months is too early to make a decision about the future are the same people saying the relationship is doomed because he isn't into her enough yet to give her certainty. As if, after two three months, the fact he isn't ready to ask her to share a future together is a sign of 'not into you', but meanwhile, these same people are saying it's too early for her to be able to make that commitment. You got it.
allina Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Good job guys, looks like SG decided to stay faaaaar away from this mess (I don't blame her)
Lishy Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Good job guys, looks like SG decided to stay faaaaar away from this mess (I don't blame her) Nor do i! Why do these threads turn into a battle of the wit and knowledge? It is so dis-heartening
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 And let me be clear. No one has suggested that Star disregard the "reality of the situation." Not sure where that came from. Yes, you did suggest it, and many times. What does "ignore the naysayers" mean other then don't listen to the people saying negative things just listen to me, your friend, trying to make you feel better? Yeah, having her disregard relality is very helpful to her situation, but if she wants to delude herself, that's fine with me. I have no emotional investment. You never answered my inquiry about your oh-so-meaningful one-month engagement; why does he have a kid if he "waited all his life" for you? Oh, right, you're one of those people who tries to pretend they never got called out because they know they've been caught and have no valid response! That's cool, you don't have to answer. I'm sure you'd love this thread to be about you, but it's really not, so please stop with your pettiness. This will be the last post I read here, so don't bother trying to draw it out more.
sb129 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 And its still going............. Chariot, you got the last word. Are you happy? Sheeeeesh.
Author Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Star, where are you? Hope you're enjoying your guy's company. Geeez! Too bad I'm not an attention whore, otherwise I'd be on a natural high from all the attention! But yes, I was enjoying a lovely evening (and morning ) with my BF. i appreciate that, star gazer, i really do. i would hate be lumped into the category of people who you think are simply trying to ruin a good thing for you. it's never been about that, and it shouldn't be that way for anyone here, ever. No, I understand where you were coming from and why. Sometimes I wish I had many of you on my shoulder day in and day out to see all the details and nuances, because I'm reporting to you what I perceived, and not necessarily what's true. I come here for help, for objective views of my situation. You're not one of the poo poo'ers. And those are the types of people that I don't want Star to listen to. She's already a very critical person. And for those of you who think Touche is like defending me against the playground bullies, let it be known that she and I have had our share of battles. She doesn't post fluff, she's doesn't coddle. She's fair and direct, and for that I really value her advice, regardless of whether she's agreeing with me or calling me a neurotic sabotager. She's leapt down the throats of several "naysayers" (particularly Jilly Bean, where she was particularly petty and childish) with lots of pissy little comments, and blocked people who reiterated opinions she didn't like to hear. This is actually quite funny. I have ONE person on my blocked list, and it's a psychopath who's reinvented herself yet again. I don't care what your opinion is, I don't need to block it. As for JB, she's contradicted herself so badly while insulting so many members here, she lost any credibility. How can anyone living in a glass house offer up the advice she does?
Author Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Star, hard as it may be I think you should stay away from this thread for awhile because it's just needlessly distressing you. Nobody on here has any answers, and all the bickering back and forth isn't accomplishing anything. While LS is usually a stress reliever for me, there have been times when it has had the opposite effect and I've had to stay away for a few days. I remember one thread in particular I started where I just stopped looking at it because it was pi**ing me off so much. There are a lot of intelligent, compassionate posters on LS, but there are also a few "snipers" who drop insensitive, borderline vicious comments here and there. I'm not talking about the opinions they express so much as the tone of their writing. It may be a few weeks before you have more information from your boyfriend, so maybe it's best to put the issue to rest for now. You know, Shadow, you're very, very right. I probably shouldn't have revisited this thread today, but curiosity got the best of me. I'm still open to the reputable opinions. It doesn't sound to me like Star is arguing that she is right about anything in this thread. To me, she sounds scared, anxious and confused. All she knows is that she wants this to work but is afraid of getting hurt. Because of this, deciding now that the relationship is doomed is self-sabotage IMO. I am, I am, and I am. Thanks for your post, K. Gave me a lot to think about...again.
underpants Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 You threads may get so much attention because you are highly respected. I caught a glimpse into Touche's marriage and all I have to report is a very positive energy there. Whether they got to that happily ever after bliss in 2 months or threw 2 broken marriages and a weath of experience...they got there. They seem very happy to have each other and that happiness spills over in there generosity to others. It was nice to see that. Star, I don't know you but I think you have a great head on your shoulders. You love this guy and you want to hope for the best. That is great. All you can do is be your awesome self, remain open to communicating with him and hope he realizes it and makes his choices based on what he wants. I feel like you do factor in. It is a new relationship and even if you two get through this hurdle there will be others. That is just life. Love is not a destination. So, even if you two do wind up having to seperate. You can leave it knowing you tried your best and although you put your heart out there it did not 'abandon' you. That is kind of what I meant by opening your heart instead of walling it off. Some loves teach us about ourselves.
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