Jilly Bean Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 What is LS about, Touche? I thought it was an open forum to express your opinions. And that means hearing the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think the points being made are valid - she is clearly looking for people to agree with her, and support her that this will all work out. Understandable, as when one is faced with (most likely) being dumped, they cling to anything they can to keep it going. However, if we are all here to humor someone, tell them their new haircut looks great, tell them they don't look fat in their jeans, tell them their BF is NOT going to dump them, then perhaps they should 1) not post for opinions or 2) say from the onset that they are only looking for fluff and people who will lie and say what she wants to hear. There seems to be an overwhelming voice here saying she is not being realistic, and I think Kenzie said it perfectly. I think if someone is looking to be humored, and NOT hear honest opinions, then they should call up their BFF or whomever else in their life will say what they want to make them feel good. I don't see the value in that, but a lot of people prefer to exist in denial. Chariot - kudos to you, too.
Author Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 Yes, forget every opinion but those which agree wholeheartedly with yours! That's the point of a public forum, isn't it? Go forth blindly and deludedly into your two-month relationship, ignoring all of the aforementioned negative signs, and when he breaks up with you for good, please don't post another thread crying over it and asking for more people to agree with you. Again, not sure how I've demonstrated that I'm ignoring the negative signs when all I do is freak out and overanalyze every little thing that could even be perceived as negative... I focus TOO MUCH on the negative, to the point of sabotaging relationships. Would you rather me roll over and play dead at the first sign of an imperfect relationship? I'll take the advice from the long-term posters who know enough about me with a grain of salt...it's been quite constructive, even when I haven't liked it (like KA, for example). But as for those who want to poo poo on my attempt at finding happiness with malicious undertones, well, I guess you can just save your breath.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 No, she can post whenever and for what ever reason she needs to. Obviously you're not quite clear on what LS is all about. As for the "two-month" relationship, well my H and I were engaged after only two months of dating, dear. We are together 13 years now. So really you need to get rid of your pre-conceived little notions on that. What makes you so sure that he's going to break up with her? What makes you think that the negative signs, as you put it, outweigh the positive ones? Wow. Unbelievable. So what was YOUR longest relationship..just curious. Sounds like you have lots of experience. If she wants to post, she needs to learn to handle the fact that not everyone is going to sugarcoat the truth for her. I think it looks bad (and obviously other people do as well), so I told her so. There's no need to get pissy just because you don't like to listen to realism. Engaged after two months? Aw, you must be insecure! My longest relationship is my current one, thanks. If someone told me they needed space from me after not seeing me for a number fo days, I think it would be logical to assume that they do not enjoy long periods of my company (or at least, enjoy long periods lacking my company), and I would assume that the relationship is headed in a very negative direction. "Wow, unbelievable", huh?
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 First of all the overwhelming consensus I believe is for Star to ignore the naysayers. Secondly, I'm not her BFF. We've disagreed a zillion times on things and even gotten into it. I base my opinion on the FACTS given and not on how I feel about a given poster. So let's please be clear on that. I've NEVER lied just to tell people what "the want to hear." Not my style. And if you knew me at all, you'd know that. I don't post "fluff." I do recognize bitterness and jealousy when I see it. And I'm seeing a LOT of that on these posts. Misery loves company, right? Anyway, the proof will be in the pudding. Will you invite me to your wedding, Star?
Author Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2007 Author Posted December 13, 2007 What is LS about, Touche? I thought it was an open forum to express your opinions. And that means hearing the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think the points being made are valid - she is clearly looking for people to agree with her, and support her that this will all work out. Understandable, as when one is faced with (most likely) being dumped, they cling to anything they can to keep it going. However, if we are all here to humor someone, tell them their new haircut looks great, tell them they don't look fat in their jeans, tell them their BF is NOT going to dump them, then perhaps they should 1) not post for opinions or 2) say from the onset that they are only looking for fluff and people who will lie and say what she wants to hear. There seems to be an overwhelming voice here saying she is not being realistic, and I think Kenzie said it perfectly. I think if someone is looking to be humored, and NOT hear honest opinions, then they should call up their BFF or whomever else in their life will say what they want to make them feel good. I don't see the value in that, but a lot of people prefer to exist in denial. Chariot - kudos to you, too. I can see right through your thinly shielded fake-attempts to provide me with advice (disguised as "opinions"). I thoroughly destroyed any shred of credibility you may have ever had in the thread about sleeping with someone on the first date. Now your purpose is transparent - it's not to help, it's to make me feel bad. But I won't let you. And NO, the purpose of LS is not to "give opinions," it's to "promote collaboration and to offer support to persons seeking advice." YOU do NONE of those things.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 First of all the overwhelming consensus I believe is for Star to ignore the naysayers. Actually, you're the only person who's said that, and it's obvious you would because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings! Aww. I always ask my friends when I need advice (ie. them making me feel better because they are my friends) too. Will you invite me to your wedding, Star Yeah, because it's healthy and normal to decide the rest of your life from two months of knowing someone. Your sense of realism astounds me! SG: if you don't like advice, please stop making threads.
Jilly Bean Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I already gave you my advice, Cleopatra, and you jumped on it then, as you have with everyone else who didn't blow smoke up your skirt. You seem to have some serious anger/rage issues, and are quick to jump on ANYONE who disagrees with you, but many others have pointed this out, and you have blasted them as well. You can continue to attack me as long as you like. I guess when I am the 50th person telling you the same thing, you must feel the need to strike. Tsk. So much energy - and for a guy you've dated for 2 months? I truly feel sorry for you, hon. I honestly hope you can get a grip on this, or at the least, some kind of professional help. Like someone else said, you do need to be talked off the wall...
Jilly Bean Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Actually, you're the only person who's said that, and it's obvious you would because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings! Aww. I always ask my friends when I need advice (ie. them making me feel better because they are my friends) too. Yeah, because it's healthy and normal to decide the rest of your life from two months of knowing someone. Your sense of realism astounds me! SG: if you don't like advice, please stop making threads. LOL, Chariot! Though I am sure your friends are much like mine - and won't tell you what you want to hear, in lieu of what you SHOULD hear, correct?
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 If she wants to post, she needs to learn to handle the fact that not everyone is going to sugarcoat the truth for her. I think it looks bad (and obviously other people do as well), so I told her so. There's no need to get pissy just because you don't like to listen to realism. Engaged after two months? Aw, you must be insecure! My longest relationship is my current one, thanks. If someone told me they needed space from me after not seeing me for a number fo days, I think it would be logical to assume that they do not enjoy long periods of my company (or at least, enjoy long periods lacking my company), and I would assume that the relationship is headed in a very negative direction. "Wow, unbelievable", huh? So how long have you been involved in your current relationship? Just curious. Because you never said. (Is he single?) I'm not pissy. I'm a realist honey. Star has every right to address the naysayers as well as the ones who wish her well and think there's something good here. It's the naysayers who are going nuts when she responds to the points they've raised. She has that right you know. Why does it bother you guys so much? As for the "space" issue. It's very clear that you didn't read the thread very carefully. I never saw one single indication that this guy didn't want to be with Star for "long periods of time." Where are you getting this stuff from? Wow. Very, very interesting. Why is being engaged after two months an indication of my being "insecure." And by the way, I wrote that out wrong. I was actually engaged after ONE months..yes, that's 4 weeks. I just meant that I was already engaged at the two month mark. Uhm, how does that make me insecure? Maybe it shows that I'm very good at recognizing the signs of a good man. Of a good relationship. Are you? I'm seeing those same signs, from what Star has told us, in HER guy. She's got a rare guy here. I can tell. Keep up the negativity though. You're really helping. I'm sure Star will dump this gem of a guy tomorrow!
shadowplay Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Star, hard as it may be I think you should stay away from this thread for awhile because it's just needlessly distressing you. Nobody on here has any answers, and all the bickering back and forth isn't accomplishing anything. While LS is usually a stress reliever for me, there have been times when it has had the opposite effect and I've had to stay away for a few days. I remember one thread in particular I started where I just stopped looking at it because it was pi**ing me off so much. There are a lot of intelligent, compassionate posters on LS, but there are also a few "snipers" who drop insensitive, borderline vicious comments here and there. I'm not talking about the opinions they express so much as the tone of their writing. It may be a few weeks before you have more information from your boyfriend, so maybe it's best to put the issue to rest for now.
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Actually, you're the only person who's said that, and it's obvious you would because you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings! Aww. I always ask my friends when I need advice (ie. them making me feel better because they are my friends) too. Do you READ? I'm the only person who has said this has a very good chance? Wow. Interesting. Yeah, because it's healthy and normal to decide the rest of your life from two months of knowing someone. Your sense of realism astounds me! Uh, yeah. It is HEALTHY and NORMAL to decide the rest of your life from two months if you have a grain of intelligence and wisdom. I mean you question my "realism" But the proof is in the pudding, isn't it. Thirteen years later and we're talking about renewing our vows again in a few years. Yeah, we made a BIG mistake. We're not realistic. SG: if you don't like advice, please stop making threads. She can start as many threads as she likes. And she can take what ever advice she wants and dump the advice she thinks stinks. That's the beauty of LS, don't you agree?
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I'm seeing those same signs, from what Star has told us, in HER guy. She's got a rare guy here. I can tell. Keep up the negativity though. You're really helping. I'm sure Star will dump this gem of a guy tomorrow! It's nice that you can tell such things by reading the text of her posts without ever actually seeing them interact. It makes what you say all the more credible. All I can say is let's wait and see You are insecure because there's no reason to be engaged after one month. There is very little you can experience in such a short time, so why not let your relationship grow first? I'd feel it such a waste of potential good times and experiences of a new relationship. Were you a secure person, you would not need to rush; you would know that love is patient, and it takes time to grow and develop. I doubt any feelings you had at one month could be genuine enough to base a marriage off.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Do you READ? I'm the only person who has said this has a very good chance? Wow. Interesting. You said: "First of all the overwhelming consensus I believe is for Star to ignore the naysayers." to which I replied: "Actually, you're the only person who's said that." Where do you see anything about her "having a good chance"? I guess you really only do hear what you want. That's very unfortunate, because it's difficult to converse with people who are completely blind and close-minded.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Uhm, hello? I have no crystal ball. I only have wisdom borne from experience. I'm good at reading between the lines and coming up with a probable scenario. Can you say the same? i am assuming this was aimed at me because i was the one who mentioned the crystal ball...but bear in mind, you assumed that that comment was about you when it was about anyone telling star gazer she was right on the money just because they think so. i wasn't singling you out, or i would have just come out and said so. as for the second part, yes, of course, i can say the same. do you really think you're the only one here who can say they have "wisdom borne from experience" and are "good at reading between the lines and coming up with a probable scenario"? everyone does this, everyone has these 'gut feelings' one way or the other about what will happen, for themselves and for others, in real life, every day. which means that since everyone has them, and not everyone is right all the time every time, that someone, sometimes, is wrong. honestly. i don't have a problem with you, touche, but it's rather arrogant to assume you are the only one with these 'powers' and that your experiences and subsequent garnered wisdom from them mean your opinion is the answer for every situation. i highly doubt you believe that either, and would be one of the first to tell someone who claimed that about themselves that they were sadly mistaken. this isn't an insult, it's just the truth, so i hope you can take it that way instead getting on the defensive about it, which solves and proves nothing. I'll take the advice from the long-term posters who know enough about me with a grain of salt...it's been quite constructive, even when I haven't liked it (like KA, for example). i appreciate that, star gazer, i really do. i would hate be lumped into the category of people who you think are simply trying to ruin a good thing for you. it's never been about that, and it shouldn't be that way for anyone here, ever.
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 It's nice that you can tell such things by reading the text of her posts without ever actually seeing them interact. It makes what you say all the more credible. All I can say is let's wait and see Ok, thanks. There we can agree. You are insecure because there's no reason to be engaged after one month. There is very little you can experience in such a short time, so why not let your relationship grow first? Very little? Says who? Were you there to see us intereact? I'd feel it such a waste of potential good times and experiences of a new relationship. Were you a secure person, you would not need to rush; you would know that love is patient, and it takes time to grow and develop. I doubt any feelings you had at one month could be genuine enough to base a marriage off. We were very patient, dear. We waited our whole lives for each other. That's the truth. Not trying to be cheeky there. We didn't rush at all. You say you doubt that the feelings we had at one month were genuine enough to base a marriage off of. Really? Then how come 13 years later we still love each other and are talking about renewing our vows? How come we have my husband's ex coming for xmas with my stepson? How come we've been through hell and back at times and come out loving each other even more? Why is that? Is it because the feelings we had after a month were wrong? Or can you open your mind enough to realize that sometimes, yes sometimes, people actually can know such a thing after a very short time? It is you who is not based in reality. You have a closed mind. I ask you to open it up a bit. That's all. And I BEG Star to ignore the naysayers. A turtle never gets anywhere unless it sticks its neck out you know.
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Nice post, Kenzie. I respect that response. All I can say is we will have to see whose intuition about this turns out to be right. For Star's sake, I sure hope it's mine and the others who agreed that things are looking good for her. chariot, sorry you think I'm blind and close-minded as you put it. You're certainly entitled to your opinion. I sure don't expect everyone to agree with me. I guess we'll just have to see who really is blind and close-minded won't we. I'm pretty certain that it won't be me.
Citizen Erased Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Nice post, Kenzie. I respect that response. All I can say is we will have to see whose intuition about this turns out to be right. For Star's sake, I sure hope it's mine and the others who agreed that things are looking good for her. chariot, sorry you think I'm blind and close-minded as you put it. You're certainly entitled to your opinion. I sure don't expect everyone to agree with me. I guess we'll just have to see who really is blind and close-minded won't we. I'm pretty certain that it won't be me. Touche? Wrong?pfft not going to happen
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 A turtle never gets anywhere unless it sticks its neck out you know. I like that line. Mmmm...turtle soup. Star's already committed to this guy. Why not see where it goes, naturally? Relax.
johan Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 Touche? Wrong?pfft not going to happen It's crazy talk!
Citizen Erased Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 It's crazy talk! I know! LOL my cyber mum is one smart cookie
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 We were very patient, dear. We waited our whole lives for each other. That's the truth. Not trying to be cheeky there. We didn't rush at all. You say you doubt that the feelings we had at one month were genuine enough to base a marriage off of. Really? Then how come 13 years later we still love each other and are talking about renewing our vows? How come we have my husband's ex coming for xmas with my stepson? How come we've been through hell and back at times and come out loving each other even more? Why is that? Is it because the feelings we had after a month were wrong? Or can you open your mind enough to realize that sometimes, yes sometimes, people actually can know such a thing after a very short time? It is you who is not based in reality. You have a closed mind. I ask you to open it up a bit. That's all. And I BEG Star to ignore the naysayers. A turtle never gets anywhere unless it sticks its neck out you know. I'm flattered that you're trying so hard to validate your relationship to me! But real love doesn't need to rush. I'm sorry you didn't take any time to build a real realtionship up first, but that isn't the concern of this thread. And uh, if your H "waited his whole life for you," why does he have an ex and a son who's not yours?
Trialbyfire Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I'm flattered that you're trying so hard to validate your relationship to me! But real love doesn't need to rush. I'm sorry you didn't take any time to build a real realtionship up first, but that isn't the concern of this thread. I think Touche is using her relationship as an example that people can be in love, after such a short amount of time, and remain invested, to the tune of a 13 year marriage. That's a lot of effort and validates the possibility, wouldn't you say?
Touche Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 You guys are very cute! But believe it or not, and I know it's hard to believe, I really am wrong sometimes... Well, we'll just have to see, won't we? Turtle soup...yum. Star, where are you? Hope you're enjoying your guy's company. As for my guy, he's sitting here laughing at all of this. He's wondering what the hell he was thinking in proposing to me after 4 weeks. He's making me laugh.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I'm flattered that you're trying so hard to validate your relationship to me! But real love doesn't need to rush. I'm sorry you didn't take any time to build a real realtionship up first, but that isn't the concern of this thread. And uh, if your H "waited his whole life for you," why does he have an ex and a son who's not yours? Don't be hard on Touche, she gives awesome advice..she's helped me alot!
Citizen Erased Posted December 13, 2007 Posted December 13, 2007 I'm flattered that you're trying so hard to validate your relationship to me! But real love doesn't need to rush. I'm sorry you didn't take any time to build a real realtionship up first, but that isn't the concern of this thread. And uh, if your H "waited his whole life for you," why does he have an ex and a son who's not yours? oh wow some people...
Recommended Posts