Sunblast Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 This thread isn't a complaint. Many things in the world seem stupid to me, and I often shrug them off. But I ask: why even bother? Take today. I am visiting a city 1,500 miles away. I'm leaving back (to SoCal) tomorrow. I'm talking to the barista (in Starbucks) and one of the regulars comes in. All three of us talk and she's (the regular) receptive and flirty. I say that I'm leaving tomorrow but I wanna go out tonight. Hey, here's my email, my number (she says and writes it down). I call her after I leave, 20 min later. "So you wanna go out?" She gives me this spiel of basically "I gotta get up early tomorrow, etc." I'm like okay, fine. I offer a few times she's like no. I'm like okay, fine. So, number one: I asked her out 20min prior, she knew I was leaving tomorrow, and she said yes. I didn't pressure her, nothing. So why say no? And then she starts asking me... what do you do? How often do you come to this city? When did you come to the US? etc.. I'm like, why bother asking? I told her but I'm like, look, you'll never see me again, ever; we have no basis of continuing a friendship over email because we spoke for 5min instead of 2hrs at a bar, and I come here every few months at best. Why do you ever care what I do for a living? So, number two: wtf does she care about me like where I work, if she'll never see me? And then she sounds pissed off when I tell her that and say goodbye, saying what I just said: that I have no illusions we'll never ever talk again because we didn't meet tonight. So, number three: why is she upset at the obvious? I'm not doing this to overanalyze; I could care less about this one chick. But, at 31, she should know all these answers; why be so flaky over nothing? If you guys are smarter than me, please explain, cuz IDK WTF. EDIT: And 20min after that phone conversation I get this text message (I'll even take a pic if you want): "You were so damn hot that one night of hanging out with u would of never been enough 4 me, im sorry!" That is one of the GAYEST excuses I have ever heard! Like, if you don't like me, say you don't like me. I honestly don't pressure women when I ask them out! I flirt but I honestly give space and give room! (Except now 'cause last night, so had to call back right away, but you obviously see it's an exception borne out of necessity.) Anyway, gay. wtf =(
D-Lish Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Perhaps the fact that she knew you were leaving the next day had her thinking the same thing.... If it were me I might hesitate because... 1) I might think it was just for sex and that I wasn't up for a one nighter 2) why bother getting to know someone who I will never see again. 3) the phone call 20 minutes after the initial meeting might have seemed like too much pressure. And the text 20 minutes later? A reaction to the rejection. Games.
Author Sunblast Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Someone's gotta have more input?
sb129 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I don't know why she bothered giving you her number TBH.
stillafool Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I think she meant what she said. What is the purpose of getting together when you probably won't see each other again? Maybe she was asking those questions to try to get to know you, to open you up to more conversation. I personally think it's rude when people ask what you do for a living first thing. It's as if that will determine whether they give you more conversation or not.
purplebubbles Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Well, it seems like this woman didn't just want to have a one night stand with you, or go out one time. She obviously was asking you questions about how often you visit that city, so she could gauge whether or not if she developed feelings for you whether or not a relationship would be possible. Some women don't date for dates, they date for relationships. As for the text message, maybe that was an after thought. It seems like she was almost asking you to say to her "If we go out and have a good time, I'll be back and we can go out on another date" That's just my interpretation of events, I could be completely wrong!
tanbark813 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 So, number one: I asked her out 20min prior, she knew I was leaving tomorrow, and she said yes. I didn't pressure her, nothing. So why say no? It's been my experience that when a girl gives you her number it's about a 50/50 shot that she's actually interested in going out. Numbers--or emails for that matter--by no means guarantee a date. So, number two: wtf does she care about me like where I work, if she'll never see me? This is just a guess but I imagine it's gender-related. Men generally communicate to plan things or to exchange facts. Women typically communicate to exchange feelings and while you were only interested in talking to set things up she probably wanted to talk just for the sake of talking. So, number three: why is she upset at the obvious? No idea.
Author Sunblast Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Some women don't date for dates, they date for relationships. As for the text message, maybe that was an after thought. It seems like she was almost asking you to say to her "If we go out and have a good time, I'll be back and we can go out on another date" That's just my interpretation of events, I could be completely wrong! You are smart. See, the reason I didn't say that is that I was thinking "If I say I'm not from here, she can not worry about me telling her friends and not develop feelings, because some women that I talk to say that they develop feelings for some guys and play with other guys. I used to think women dated for relationships. But like I asked elsewhere, how's that a challenge if a man says or hints that he's looking for a relationship?
purplebubbles Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I think that any woman that is looking for a relationship isn't going to be one that will play games. I think that you probably come across as though you were looking for a good time, not a long time. If she was just looking to meet someone and go out for one night, then she would've accepted your date. If you really like this woman, then you should get in contact with her the next time that you're in town.. I guarantee that she'll jump at a date, because she knows that you are coming back!
purplebubbles Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I think that any woman that is looking for a relationship isn't going to be one that will play games. I think that you probably come across as though you were looking for a good time, not a long time. If she was just looking to meet someone and go out for one night, then she would've accepted your date. If you really like this woman, then you should get in contact with her the next time that you're in town.. I guarantee that she'll jump at a date, because she knows that you are coming back!
Author Sunblast Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 What's the story with most attractive young women -- ages 20 to 25. Do they want a boyfriend or a wild safari of laying down multiple guys?
brothermartin Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 To answer your first Q. SUNBLAST. She probably suspected that you just wanted to smash, but didn't catch on to it until AFTER you asked her out. Then came the back-pedaling and the lame excuses. The irony is, she probably didn't want to flat out reject you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings.
LovesDog Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 well, i figured out your problem. the simple answer is that you are a complete ass! it might just be their way to throw it back in your face.
D-Lish Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 You have it figured out LD.... I was thinking the same thing.
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