BwsLnc07 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Long story short ex of a lil over 4 months broke it off about a month ago. I have been in NC most of the time but have pushed her somewhat by asking the same questions such as do you really love me and want it to work out. Well I talked to her last week face to face and she told me that it was really starting to annoy her and that she is mentally exhausted by the way im acting. She said she doesn't even get excited to see me anymore because the way I have been acting. She told me if I had just been myself that she probably would want to be with me right now and just told me to start acting like myself and there wouldn't be any problems. She said she does love me and wants it to work out but not if im acting this way. So I gave her a big hug and kiss and gave her hairband back that I've been wearing since we started goin out and her jaw dropped in disbelief. She then said I guess you shouldn't wear it anymore since were not together but ill keep it incase we get back together so I know there is a chance but have been in NC with for a week now and haven't heard a thing from her. I do want her back but I feel I need to get used to living life without her incase there will never be us again.
Lee725 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Long story short ex of a lil over 4 months broke it off about a month ago. I have been in NC most of the time but have pushed her somewhat by asking the same questions such as do you really love me and want it to work out. Well I talked to her last week face to face and she told me that it was really starting to annoy her and that she is mentally exhausted by the way im acting. She said she doesn't even get excited to see me anymore because the way I have been acting. Yes, it can be annoying when an EX does that and asks if you love them and want it to work out. I know this because i am normally the one asking it like you are. I have also watched friends do it and it is when you see it from that perspective that you realize (sometimes) how much more damage it actually does. After watching this i no longer do it. (it is hard but i have had to change this personality trait of mine). We all have unanswered questions when it comes to the end of a relationship & sometimes later on we do get a chance to have them answered, but when the situation is "Fresh", it is highly unlikely you will get the answers you seek. She told me if I had just been myself that she probably would want to be with me right now and just told me to start acting like myself and there wouldn't be any problems. Personally i see this statement as being a little unfair. (i might get carved for this....) When situations are good & happy we act a certain way. When situations are bad we act a different way. This means that because you are feeling a certain way that you dont normally feel, the way you react to those emotions should not be labelled as "You not being yourself", it is only because we generally see people happy in a new relationship that we dont see the other side of their personality when they are sad or upset. Your reaction to unhappiness or sadness does not mean that this side is not "You". (gosh i hope that made sense). She said she does love me and wants it to work out but not if im acting this way. So I gave her a big hug and kiss and gave her hairband back that I've been wearing since we started goin out and her jaw dropped in disbelief. She then said I guess you shouldn't wear it anymore since were not together but ill keep it incase we get back together so I know there is a chance but have been in NC with for a week now and haven't heard a thing from her. I do want her back but I feel I need to get used to living life without her incase there will never be us again. You are right you do need to, not so much living life without her, but living life for you. Time will tell how she will fit into your life, but your life is YOURS it does not make YOUR life any less because she may not be there. Keep up the NC babe. A week in a break up feels like eternity (i know), but really it is a short time. Give her more time to miss you and work out what she needs/wants. More importantly tho take this NC time and work out YOU, your needs, Your wants, you may find on the flip side that she really isnt what you want after all. Good luck babe, keep us posted.
icebreaker Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 She was pretty straightforward with you, which is a good thing. She told you what you need to do to win her back. You need to do the oppposite of all those actions she doesn't like about you. If you come across as insecure? Develope more confidence. If you are needy? Appear more independent. My guess is you got too demanding in the relationship. Increased your expectations beyond reason and basically smothered her. The bottom line is. She gave the tools to work with. Use them. Stop having a pity party and create a strategy for winning her back.
Author BwsLnc07 Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Well last night I found out everything I needed to know. Two of her bestfriends wanted to hang out so we did because I mean were friends to. So we started talking about the ex and they asked me what she has been telling me and I told them that she said she loved me and wanted it to work out but wanted to start as friends and if she saw things getting better than we would be back together. They said it was all just a lie. They said she was already on the lookout for other girls. Oh yeah she did tell me that she was a lesbian which is the god honest truth. She told me two weeks before we broke up she said though there was something about me that drove her wild and she didn't want to give me up just because she missed being with a girl. They said she is interested in about 10 girls and that she doesn't want things to ever work out. She also is making it seem to her friends that I am some crazy psycho when her friends don't see it at all. So this morning before she went to school I confronted her hurt and confused. She told me that it was all true that she was just trying to let me down easy and that she didn't want to hurt me because she loves me and cares for me as a person. Even though the week before this i asked if she was just trying to move on or let me down easy and she got upset that I didn't believe her that she did want things to work out. Im so hurt that this person that said she loved me more than anything and wanted things to work out would just be lying and stringing me along for a ****ing month just because she didn't want to hurt me. She even stated she has felt this way since we broke up. She also said I just thought your feelings would fizzle away and then had the nerves to ask me to still be good friends with her. Like my ex before her of three years i caught cheating on me but this has to hurt way more than that. Because atleast that ex told me straight up how she felt at the time when i caught her while lindsey just ****ing gave me false hoping well knowing she didn't want anything to do with me ever. I can't believe I was such an idiot to trust her and just have my emotions played with. So I didn't yell I gave her a big hug kissed her on the cheek and wished her the best and walked away. So as much as it hurts I have to move on because I do not deserve to be treated as a ****ing joke.
VenusInFurs Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 So as much as it hurts I have to move on because I do not deserve to be treated as a ****ing joke. Exactly, just walk away. At least you now know the truth and won't be strung along anymore. Be strong and good luck!
Author BwsLnc07 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Well for some reason the ex called last night. We talked for over two hours. She keeps persisting that we remain close friends because she really loves me and cares for me and wants me in her life. She told me that she wanted it to work out more than anything and tried to force herself but she couldn't because it isn't her since she is a lesbian. She told me how sorry she was for hurting me the way she did and feels like **** for it. I mean she is only 16 so I don't know how serious I can take her feeling like she is a lesbian. She also was like we have never talked for two hours see our relationship is already on a good path. Then she starting asking about other girls that I might be talking to and I was like do you want me to hook up with them or something she was like no no no. I don't know I really can't deal with her imaturity because I know what it is like to be 16 and I just know she is gonna go through more changes. She also stated that she is gonna call me tonight to talk. I don't know what her deal is but I really can't deal with it especially since Im trying to move on. I mean I would love to have her back but after stringing me on for a month and her being a lesbian I could never trust her and know as of now and probably for good it will never work out.
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