superm0nkey Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Hey guys, just wondering what your own personal experiences of the time line of a break up are! What I mean is: what were the stages (and length of time) from breaking up to being completely over the situation and your ex. It'd be interesting to see how different individuals deal with the situation in different ways. Cheers
amaysngrace Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I'm still not over my ex. I mean I'm over him but I'm not over the way the relationship was. It was bad. Abusive. Controlling. Belittling. I haven't healed from it yet. We've been divorced two years this month too. We were married for nine. And I'm still upset that I waited so long to leave. Not because it took time away from my life but because I allowed myself to be subjected to more of his crap by staying. Maybe I'm the wrong one to vote in on this subject.
Lee725 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 What I mean is: what were the stages (and length of time) from breaking up to being completely over the situation and your ex. It'd be interesting to see how different individuals deal with the situation in different ways. Cheers For me it depends on the length of time i was with them and them emotional connection i had with them. I am an emotional person by nature, so when i connect with someone emtionally i feel so much more for them. It has taken me around 12 months to be completely over relationships that lasted 3yrs+. (with people i had real connections with). It takes me about a month to move on from the 3 month ones. Mind you i am dating a guys at the moment (5 weeks so far ), and in that 5 weeks i feel closer to him than i have with some that have gone 3yrs+. Situation/people involved dependant question i guess.
Author superm0nkey Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 I guess you're right, it does depend on the connection and the situation. My most recent break up was about three months ago (3+ year relationship) and it's gone like this: * One month of terrible, unbearable pain and dealing with being homeless and having to sleep on friend's couches * One month of getting really drunk and going home with any girl that would look at me * One month of getting myself back on track and putting my life back together Not sure what the coming months will bring - however I'm sure it'll kick ass
VenusInFurs Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 My personal experience... Stage one: Denial - 'We broke up before and got back together, this is nothing...' Stage two: Begging - "But I LOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOU!" Stage three: Insanity - when you love AND hate the ex at the same time, and your thoughts and emotions make as much sense as the third Pirates of the Caribbean film. Stage four: Drinking aka self-medication Stage five: Feeling okay some days, randomly drunk dialling ex other days with incoherent gibber gabber and a slurred proclaimation of undying love Stage six: Annoyed at self for drunk-dialling-stupidity, being hungover a lot, generally consuming copious amounts of fruit juice Stage seven: Phony sense of being 'over' ex Stage eight: Missing/wondering about ex Stage nine: Realising not completely over ex Stage ten: Gradually the relationship is put into perspective Stage eleven: Acceptance finally achieved
Lee725 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I guess you're right, it does depend on the connection and the situation. My most recent break up was about three months ago (3+ year relationship) and it's gone like this: * One month of terrible, unbearable pain and dealing with being homeless and having to sleep on friend's couches * One month of getting really drunk and going home with any girl that would look at me * One month of getting myself back on track and putting my life back together Not sure what the coming months will bring - however I'm sure it'll kick ass Sounds like me Supermonkey, except i didnt do month 2 (I am a straight girl so that would not have worked for me! ), my month 2 was more like venus's ..... drunk..... drunk..... drunk... AAAHhhh what do you know.... DRUNK... I am glad to see you ended your post with a positive note! Keep up the good work there!
sedgwick Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Depends on the ex. In the past eight years, I've had three big breakups. Both times I thought I'd never ever get over them, and both times I did. It was NC that did it. If you don't talk to them, eventually you get over it. Anyway, the first one was in 2001. We weren't together very long and he was my first bf since my divorce (I married way too young -- married and divorced in my 20s, now in my 30s.) I think the fact that he was the first after the end of my unhappy marriage (which I was over quickly, but that was because we'd been fighting over the same things for years and we were just worn out from trying to compromise, and we'd almost broken up so many times. So when we finally did it was mostly just a relief) made me get more attached to him than I should have. We were together from March-June 2001 and in Jan 2002 I found out he was dating someone else, and that sort of put me back to the beginning. It took until 2003 to really feel over him. The next one was very charming but a sociopath and a liar. We started talking online in '03 (which is why I started to really feel over the first guy) and met in person Jan '04. Broke up in June '04. He dumped me but then very shortly after that I found out some very bad stuff about him so I would have dumped him first had I known. It was very very obvious to everyone around me that he was bad news, so having them reiterate that to me throughout the time I was healing really helped. Again, NC. He lived across the country from me so it was a lot easier. I've never heard from him again and I hope I never do. I know that in Jan '05 I was still pining for him, because I was recently reading my journals from that time. Early April I'm still bummin' but then I start dating someone for a while and get my mind off him. New relationship is nothing serious, just dating, but we have fun and chemistry together. I didn't want a relationship because I was still scarred from the evil ex, and he didn't want one because he was in the last year of a master's program and wanted to move out of state for his doctorate. We kept it light but were attracted to each other and had fun making out. By July '05, I was over my '04 ex. It took exactly a year to get over him. Then I was single for another year after that, and during that year I met the one who would become the love of my life and most recent ex. We were friends for almost a year, and then last Sept ('06) we went out on our first date. We were together until July 16 of this year. I am in no way over him, I'm still traumatized. But I have to remember it usually takes a year. And I have to start dating again because that's what helped before. Both times I had casual rebound relationships -- maybe that's what I need now.
Author superm0nkey Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Thanks for the responses so far guys, this is exactly what I was looking for Haha good to see I'm not the only one who was self medicating. I found that drinking ended up eventually making the situation worse rather than better so I just stopped doing it (although still have the occasional bevvie when I head out with my mates). I think the big turning point for me was when I erased all the photos of my ex-fiance and ditching her contact details - started planning a six week overseas solo holiday... felt like cementing the fact that she no longer had a place in my future. Hopefully month 4 will be dating, dating, dating Keep the posts comin'! Btw Lee725, good to see another aussie on the board
randuff Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Was with the ex for 4 years and engaged to be married. Want so badly to have moved on but I am nowhere close to moving on. I am better than month one but still not close to being "over it" I guess I really need to stop being her friend so I can move forward.....
BrianG Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Little less than two months of a 5 yr for me and nowhere close to getting over her. Kinda have the feeling in my gut that it could take a year or more to get over her. I still feel that she is the love of my life and I struggle every single day with not doing anything. Still do not want to accept it at this point but not left with much of a choice unfortunately. I guess I may be a little behind but I still want to fight for her love but its a constant stuggle everyday between my mind and my heart to just sit on my hands every single day.
cant let go Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I guess I may be a little behind but I still want to fight for her love but its a constant stuggle everyday between my mind and my heart to just sit on my hands every single day. So well put, Brian. It really does feel like this. Wanting to do something about it, wishing there was something you could do about it, but knowing that nothing you do can change it, so you do nothing.
shaynej76 Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 well for me its wierd, we are in the 5th week of it and it hasn't gotten any easier!I wish that i could take a pill or something to get over it! We have a 7th month old boy and for that reason and the obvious we do still love one another I especially want to make this work,she is hesitant because we both hurt eachother extremely! But i believe anything is possible if we keep focused! The answer to get over a breakup is to start dating right away to keep your mind of her if possible! good luck
starlite Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Well- I will try and timeline this out. First 2 weeks- A mess...cried whenever said the dreadful words "So how are you doing?" Next 2 weeks- Better...I accepted it, kinda thought one day we may get back together and just decided to live my life and see how things go. I was ok no matter what cause I had to be. Right after the one month mark I got a phone call from my ex's best friend...my ex is sleeping with his ex and my ex also cheated on me a few times while we were together (we were together 2 and a half years). The next 3 weeks or so were bad. I was frustrated, angry, sad, had major adrenaline at the thought of any of it! Now here i am...2 months post break up and I must say...I am doing alright. I dont want someone like that in my life and as much as i do still love him, we are over, he ruined all chances of getting back together and i am more focused on me than ever. I tried a couple dates, made out with 2 guys so far...not for me right now. I am not ready and I am very selfish with my time. I am very content being alone until I have my stuff straight and well, until i meet someone who catches my attention enough. (although kissing a cute boy from time to time is fun and exciting. i'm 25 by the way.) From now on, there is no time line. I am comfortable being alone and who knows when I will want to date again, I guess I will know when I meet him. I wish you all the best of luck!
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