want to love MYSELF,MY LIFE but end up calling ex

[kitkat289]

Me and my ex are still on talking terms and he's very much into me but its not like that honeymoon phase anymore and infact he doesnt feel the constant need to call me often.

We discussed about the future last night as I was worrying that when he comes to my city(he will have a job here most probably),it would be hard to resist meeting him but I actually dont want to see him.Iam the dumpee and I still suffer much more than he can see.I was telling him "I know no matter how hard I try, we will meet within 2-4weeks and I dont know why Iam so sure that we will be in a committed relationship in no time at all."

And hearing this, he said he was also thinking about that once and asked me why I was thinking so much and asked "why do you worry?we'll do what our heart says..."

I told him that I did nt want to mess-up( I meant that I didnt want to be in that vicious circle of breaking-up and patching-up again and like always being a "give" most of the times)

 

Well I know I NEED TO CHANGE my attitude,my constant need for validation...

Everyday I plan not to call him up and I was sooo determined tonight also that I was quite sure that I will do it but ended up calling him.He was sleeping,didnt pick up as the phone was on silent mode.I called atleast 4-5times continuosly and felt really bad for doing this

 

Please tell me how to HAVE A LIFE?? Its not that Iam thinking of him day and night.I dont do that since the insecurity is also going away slowly.

The whole day I kept telling myself that last night was awesome and so now I wont call him up until he calls and for that I might have to wait as long as 1 week! and I was ready for it but in the night I just gave in to my temptation and was really wondering "How could he just sleep without calling me once...afterall we had a great 2hours conversation the previous night and he had told me that our relationship is like that of a gf-bf...and things could become better than ever before.we should leave it on time"

 

I dont know HOW TO STOP MYSELF from CALLING HIM??The maximum NC I did was 2 weeks during which I could only gain one thing--not to checkout his scrapbook and not even open his profile page.And this is the only good thing that I've still been doing and is really easy.Iam not tempted anymore about the things he does online.

 

But these days all my efforts of feeling content with being single are going in vain.Iam busy throught the day with my work and I fully enjoy my break listening to music and talk to my friends but I just dont know what happens to me in the night.I completely lost it...

[RoseRen]

I am sort of in the same situation as yours (wanting to maintain an NC with my H) and here are a few ideas that others suggested:

 

The best thing you can do is KEEP BUSY.

 

Find things to do, stay away from your phone, call a friend.

 

Ideas:

 

Cleaning (boring, but effective)

Go to the cinema (even if its by yourself) you can't take your phone or computer in there, and its escapism at its finest.

Go for a big long walk in the park

Buy a great epic novel and read it in the bath (!!)

Buy a DVD of a comedy TV series and watch 5 episodes in a row. (I found the green room particularly good!)

 

Right now, I imagine thoughts of him are consuming you pretty much all day long. I would suggest scheduling some time that you set aside solely to think about how you're feeling and the rest of the time shut down any thoughts that come into your head about him. So, plan to think about him for an hour in the evening, and the rest of the day, when thoughts pop into your mind, tell yourself - NOT NOW, I'll think about that tonight.

 

The rest of the time, LIVE your life. I'm sure you have many things going on with work, friends, hobbies, exercise, etc. Focus on yourself and making yourself healthy. Focus on having some fun in your life. Focus on developing relationships with the friends who are right there with you. Meet new people and develop relationships with them. You won't feel so dependent on him if you feel good about your life and who you are. Don't underestimate the power of exercise - those endorphins are really powerful in giving you an emotional lift, plus you can get your frustrations out with lifting weights or pounding away on the treadmill.