Just_me43 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Hi everyone, I've been with my girlfriend for two years now and I am 18 and she is 17, when i got together with her she was an alcoholic and yes it was very young to be one, but her mother is and so she followed suit and she would drink everynight just for the sake of drinking and so would her mum, both very decent people but had a problem. Well I put up with it for about four months before she cheated on me, which i forgave her for, but felt very low and broke up with her a couple of weeks later. She promised to stop drinking and so i gave her another chance, and for months we were happy and then she started having the odd drink which i was ok about because she was only 16 by that point and so she should. Then her mum was getting worse being abusive and horrible so i often provided support for my girlfriend. Eventually after several terrible events her mum realised she had a problem and started going to AA meetings, which helped my relationship with my g/f. Occasionally her mum would stray but nothing we couldnt cope with, but then she got very bad again and it had a huge affect on our relationship where we weren't happy at all. But we got through and then my girlfriends drinking began to get worse again as her mums got better. So i found myself putting up with it again. Well we had a rough summer with her mum drinking again and my g/f moving in with me for a while. But then i went to university in september as she went to college (from the uk). We found ourselves drifting apart as our interests were going seperate ways, we still saw each other most days but things werent right. I felt like i was trying really hard and she didnt care. Then in the last two months her drinking has been really bad to the extent she threw something as i was calling an ambulance for her cos she was so drunk, then the police came and she nearly got arrested for being violent and abusive towards the police. Her drinking has been going up and down and she drinks for the sake of drinking on a night and gets plastered other nights again for the sake of it not cos she out with friends etc. But cos of this i dont trust her, and she keeps going out all the time and its making me so paranoid. She got drunk at work on saturday and then drove her car on the way home and crashed into a wall as she went to buy more drink. So that brings me to now, where we nearly broke up last week cos we both werent happy, but since then shes been really nice, loving and everything i want except for her drinking and some behaviour. And after everything iv been put through im thinking im only 18 why am i putting up with this, i love her soooo much but theres only so much i can take. She now thinks we are happy together even though i spoke to her last night about my thoughts and feelings, but im thinking of getting out. Can anyone give me some advice please?
HarakIgia Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I don't have any experience with alcoholism. But, I do have experience in being in an unhealthy relationship for the last 9yrs. Unfortunately it sounds like that's what you're in as well. I'd recommend following your gut. You are only 18yrs old and dealing with so much. I think taking some time... getting to know yourself and allowing yourself to fully enjoy University is an important and vital part of your development. It's hard to accept but really we can't help people that don't want to be helped. Only they can take the steps to change themselves. I know it's tough to watch someone you love hurt and abuse themselves. But, I've learned that really until they do something about it then nothing will really change. It's really out of your hands. Good luck at University!!! Enjoy yourself and allow yourself to live.
Author Just_me43 Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 Thank you for the advice, it sounds just like what my head is telling me. The problem is that when we are out shopping, sat watching tele etc and we're happy i don't know why i think this, but im tired of waiting for the next event to occur and to get hurt. I know its a long story but if anyone else has any advice I'd really appreciate it
HarakIgia Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Your welcome. I hope you get some other input too. I know it helps to hear different points of view. Sometimes though you'll find that you get no replies or input. I didn't want you to feel like no one was listening. It's hard to take the next step especially when you're comfortable. The unknown can be scary. Good luck to you:)
DJ Dancer Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Im sorry you are going through this with your girlfriend..You are taking on a hell of a lot at 18..Dont get me wrong Im young myself..I had to make a decision on staying in a unhealthy relationship 8 months ago because he wasnt emotionally giving me what I needed it was tough because I cared and want to be with him so much... But you shouldnt have to wait around for some drama to stir up with her and to get hurt.. Your going to school to get a education and you should be enjoying that! Neither one of you are happy and I understand that you care for her want to be with her, but she keeps hurting you... You cant change her she has to do that on her own... Just really think about what YOU want..Ok Keep posting here whenever you like!
DJ Dancer Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Im sorry you are going through this with your girlfriend..You are taking on a hell of a lot at 18..Dont get me wrong Im young myself..I had to make a decision on staying in a unhealthy relationship 8 months ago because he wasnt emotionally giving me what I needed it was tough because I cared and want to be with him so much... But you shouldnt have to wait around for some drama to stir up with her and to get hurt.. Your going to school to get a education and you should be enjoying that! Neither one of you are happy and I understand that you care for her want to be with her, but she keeps hurting you... You cant change her she has to do that on her own... Just really think about what YOU want..Ok Keep posting here whenever you like!
DJ Dancer Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Im sorry you are going through this with your girlfriend..You are taking on a hell of a lot at 18..Dont get me wrong Im young myself..I had to make a decision on staying in a unhealthy relationship 8 months ago because he wasnt emotionally giving me what I needed it was tough because I cared and want to be with him so much... But you shouldnt have to wait around for some drama to stir up with her and to get hurt.. Your going to school to get a education and you should be enjoying that! Neither one of you are happy and I understand that you care for her want to be with her, but she keeps hurting you... You cant change her she has to do that on her own... Just really think about what YOU want..Ok Keep posting here whenever you like!
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