scared007 Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 How does one know when their need to hear words from their partner that makes them feel attractive, sexy, and desired is a healthy need or insecurity? Is complimenting and self-esteem-building-words a healthy part of a relationship? Or, again, insecurity on the part of the person who needs to hear those compliments or words? Would you please share what your partner does to make sure you know he/she finds you attractive and desirable? And if you've ever been involved with someone who "didn't" make you feel attractive and desirable, would you share that, as well? Thanks!
MatsumeKazuo Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Every person in every relationship feels that need sometimes, so when it is to a certain extent, it's a normal part of a relationship. I can say for a fact that I like to know that my boyfriend is still attracted to me; and it stems from my insecurity. Not because I like to hear it sometimes, but because I want to hear it all the time. Granted, I don't say it outloud, but I still feel that way...
Lauriebell82 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 I think it's a combination of both. It's nice to hear my boyfriend tell me how great I look or how sexy I am. It's not that I think if he doesn't say it then he deosn't find me attractive, I guess I view it as more of a validation that he does. Plus it's awesome to hear! Saying "I love you" on the other hand I think stems from my own insecurity. I posted something on this last year and got some real good advice. My boyfriend tells me he loves me everyday, however sometimes it's once before we go to bed, sometimes it's multiple times. If he goes the whole day without saying it, and then I'm the one who says it first before we go to bed I get a little weirded out. It's not that I think he stopped loving me because he doesn't say it, I don't know. I think it stems from my last relationship before I met my bf..my ex told me he loved me so much, but it ended up that he used me to get over his ex. When we broke up he told me he wasn't really "in love" with me, like he was with his ex gf. My point is that I think that everyone gets a little insecure sometimes. And I think it's nice to hear from your SO that they love you or that you look hot. I suppose it's human nature that we need positive reinforcement about ourselves and for things that we do in a relationship. (can you tell I'm a therapist? lol)
jcster Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 How does one know when their need to hear words from their partner that makes them feel attractive, sexy, and desired is a healthy need or insecurity? It's insecurity when you start to doubt your own worth when you don't hear it regularly. If you crave compliments, then it might be a problem.
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