Why? Am I wrong..

[DJ Dancer]

I ALREADY HAVE A THREAD EXPLAIN SOME OF THIS STORY BUT I THOUGHT MAYBE IF I TOLD THE ENTIRE STORY IT WOULD MAKE BETTER SENSE...I HOPE I COULD HAVE SOME INSIGHT ON WHAT HAPPENED..YEAH I KNOW ITS LONG BUT I NEED HELP ON HOW TO PULL MYSELF OUT OF THIS...

 

 

okay i'm a get to the point first and then get to details later. Okay I broke up with this guy that i was dating for lil over a month almost two months, well he lives in jeresy and he was in CO to do some music cuz he's a singer so anyways b 4 he left he wasn't sure of doing a long distance relationship but said he would try it wit me and see.Then he told me that he was a different person when he is at home meaning that he like the local celebrity and he got girls chasing him and all that crap.Then he said he didnt trust himself meaning that he would cheat on me but he doesnt want to put me through that,but me i was still wanting to be with him but he told me he wouldnt cheat but its a possibilty it could happen.Then like that weekend before he left we was talking about us and that the distance was the problem we broke up so I thought.Then like two days later i went over to see him becuz i thought it was his lastnight here then he was all in my face talking about I wanna be with you and that we never broke up when I know we did and i gave in becuz I wanted to be with him and he was the one saying he wanted to be with me and try the long distance.That night we were supposed to go out but he stood me up! didnt call and say i cant make it or nothing so i called him the next day and he was like my manager pissed me off so im like is that why we didnt go out and he was like yeah. Then that was his last night here and i wanted to see him and spend time with him but instead he went out with his friends. I was a little skeptical about us being back together becuz @ first he wasnt sure about it and now he wanted to do it so I wanted to make sure he was serious about us so i wrote him on myspace t ask where we stood and he didnt say anything back. so he left CO wit out telling me goodbye i would go three and four days witout talking to him unless i said something first. and he acted like everything was fine. so he just wasn't acting like he wanted to b wit me so i asked him if he did and he was like he not sure becuz i'm so far away, and i wrote him back saying well we both agreed to try it out and it seems like i'm the only one tryin and thats not fair, and he ain;t say nothing bak so i'm getting mad and fustrated and i got to the point where i couldn't take it so i wrote him and was like ur right bout the distance wit us and we should break this relationship off and be friends, so he wrote back and was like thats fine sweetheart what can be friends just keep in touch with me and i'll call u later. which he never did. I waited about almost two weeks and wrote just to say hey and see how his music is going and he ain't respond back.. so i left it alone and then i wrote him on his music page in may just to show love and comment on his songs and a picture. and i still ain;t here nothing from him. i'm hurt and mad becuz i'm tryin to be a friend to you and i dont get nothing back its been 8months and nothing in return still and makes it so bad is that i talked to my friend about it last week and he was like me write him and see if he say something back to me, and he wrote my friend back and said something to him so I said well let me see if he will write me back and say something to me or really doesnt want to talk to me anymore..and he read the message but didnt reply back..This whole time I was making up excuses for him thinkin he busy wit his music but he got time to write somebody else back the he dont even know and ignore me like I was nothing to him..I feel like i messed up and did something wrong to him and i cant figure out what I did to him for him to be mad at me and not speak to me? Now i feel hella guilty for breaking up with him and trying to figure out what I did to him for him to be like this towards me..

 

 

details....

 

he's a singer form jeresy he was in Co to do music. I met him at my job we hung out and after that night of us first hanging out we been spending almost everyday together. he told me about how his girlfriend for about 3 years cheated on him, and how i'm the realest female he ever met, how he's comfortable around me and he felt like he known me for years which i felt the same way because he was different so i thought. anyways he would call me just to see how i was calling me just to let me know he's about to record and all that good stuff, and everything was good then he asked me to be his girl and i said yes. things were good he was thinking about stayin in colorado becuz in jeresy he wouldn't focus on his music like he was in CO and then he changed his mind becuz he missed his family. and i know he was like when i get back home i'm gonna be trying my best to get signed and all that.....but i just don;t know why did he do me like that???? i'm so hurt because i really really liked him and i thought he really liked me too.

[brothermartin]

Wow. That was a lot. OK. It sounds like the guy just flaked out and picked you to be his girlfriend at a time when he wasn't really ready to make a commitment. You didn't do anything to make this happen, he did. He got scared and basically self-destructed his own relationship with you.

[DJ Dancer]

Sorry it was long...but your right I never really though of it that way...I appreciate it...

[brothermartin]

I only think that because thats what my ex did to us.

 

But your welcome. Sorry this happened to you.

[DJ Dancer]

I only think that because thats what my ex did to us.

 

But your welcome. Sorry this happened to you.

 

 

Its okay..I have another thread on here that I started yesterday its called "Why do I feel Guilty" and this one particular person is making me feel like I have no right to even be friends with him because I broke up with him and he shouldnt want to be my friend or even talk to me anymore because I broke his heart..and if I did it wasnt my intentions..

 

Then there is another person making it seem like I didnt stand by him or love him and that wasnt even true...

 

Thanks again I feel a little better

[LakesideDream]

I'm the "other poster". And I will say it on this thread too. You do not have a "right" to remain friends with him, you broke up with him. The choice is his whether to be friends with you or not to.

 

Whether you "love" him or not after a months dating is moot. The choice is HIS.

 

You broke up with him... but it wasn't your intention to "break his heart"... Huh? Were you expecting to just bruise him, or scuff him a little? Please you are such a princess.

[brothermartin]

OK LAKESIDE, you made your point, I think she gets it.

 

Just cool out, ok?

[DJ Dancer]

Thank you Brothermartin...

[ninjaturtles]

From what I have gathered from the story, She broke up with him because of his actions.

 

He travelled and stopped calling etc. Sometimes, men act that way. I know several people who have done what he did. They were too much of cowards to actually break it off, so they started acting distant, stopped calling etc.

 

She obviously cares about him. I know we have all been hurt and I can understand why some people get enranged when dumpers talk about being friends with someone they hurt.

 

However, this case defers from the typical dumper scenario. She only broke it off because his actions SHOWED that he did not want to be in a relationship.Afterall actions speak louder than words!

2nd, he himself showed doubt about the LD working.

 

My 2 pence is that she did not want to postpone the inevitable. Had he shown concern for the relationship, she would not have broken it off.

 

How could she be in a relationship with herself? Imo i think he simply wanted out but did not know how to tell you.

 

Dont bother yourself. It lasted for 1 month and its 8 months after now. You should have forgotten this guy!! Honestly.

 

Dont bother with him. Cut him off and dont contact him. You have done your best.

keep posting.xxxxx

[Lee725]

Hi DJ Dancer, I am sorry i was unable to read all your post because it was all crunched together and difficult for me to read, breaking it up into paragraphs mite help (well help silly me anyways).

 

If you are having these kind of probs in just over a month then as horrible as it sounds it is probably better that you just leave it alone. (as i said i have not read everything so please frogive the jumping in).

 

I broke it off with a guy a while ago after we were dating 3 months, things werent right & i questioned the decision which i had made later, i thought i was wrong, i felt gulity and really believed that i did the wrong thing.

 

I realized later i felt bad because i didnt want to be alone (selfish i know), i knew at the time that letting him go was the right thing or i would have never done it.

The fear of being alone can keep people in not so good relationships, even when being on their own would be so much more healthier for them.

 

Now later on, i realize i did the right thing, it was simply not meant to be.

 

The first few months, (most of the time) should be extremely happy with minimal fuss (in my view), therefore with all that is happened, it may be time to put it behind you as best you can and move on.

 

Good luck & i hope things work out for you.

[DJ Dancer]

From what I have gathered from the story, She broke up with him because of his actions.

 

He travelled and stopped calling etc. Sometimes, men act that way. I know several people who have done what he did. They were too much of cowards to actually break it off, so they started acting distant, stopped calling etc.

 

She obviously cares about him. I know we have all been hurt and I can understand why some people get enranged when dumpers talk about being friends with someone they hurt.

 

However, this case defers from the typical dumper scenario. She only broke it off because his actions SHOWED that he did not want to be in a relationship.Afterall actions speak louder than words!

2nd, he himself showed doubt about the LD working.

 

My 2 pence is that she did not want to postpone the inevitable. Had he shown concern for the relationship, she would not have broken it off.

 

How could she be in a relationship with herself? Imo i think he simply wanted out but did not know how to tell you.

 

Dont bother yourself. It lasted for 1 month and its 8 months after now. You should have forgotten this guy!! Honestly.

 

Dont bother with him. Cut him off and dont contact him. You have done your best.

keep posting.xxxxx

 

 

Thank you! Thats exactly why I ended it! Because I was by myself in a relationship and his actions wasnt showing any interest! Thank you for understanding my point of view..

[ninjaturtles]

I wonder why you have been blaming yourself!! Didnt you have friends to advice you?

 

I mean he clearly was not serious!!

 

Why are you blaming yourself??

 

 

Had I known my ex wanted out when he started acting this way, I would have broken up with him instead of going through all the pain and stress.

 

Anyway, its 8 months! Its time to forget this guy. You dont need to be friends with him.

keep posting and never ever feel you are to blame.

[DJ Dancer]

Hi DJ Dancer, I am sorry i was unable to read all your post because it was all crunched together and difficult for me to read, breaking it up into paragraphs mite help (well help silly me anyways).

 

If you are having these kind of probs in just over a month then as horrible as it sounds it is probably better that you just leave it alone. (as i said i have not read everything so please frogive the jumping in).

 

I broke it off with a guy a while ago after we were dating 3 months, things werent right & i questioned the decision which i had made later, i thought i was wrong, i felt gulity and really believed that i did the wrong thing.

 

I realized later i felt bad because i didnt want to be alone (selfish i know), i knew at the time that letting him go was the right thing or i would have never done it.

The fear of being alone can keep people in not so good relationships, even when being on their own would be so much more healthier for them.

 

Now later on, i realize i did the right thing, it was simply not meant to be.

 

The first few months, (most of the time) should be extremely happy with minimal fuss (in my view), therefore with all that is happened, it may be time to put it behind you as best you can and move on.

 

Good luck & i hope things work out for you.

 

Thanks Lee..Sure I will break up and Im sure it will help other readers as well

[DJ Dancer]

I wonder why you have been blaming yourself!! Didnt you have friends to advice you?

 

I mean he clearly was not serious!!

 

Why are you blaming yourself??

 

 

Had I known my ex wanted out when he started acting this way, I would have broken up with him instead of going through all the pain and stress.

 

Anyway, its 8 months! Its time to forget this guy. You dont need to be friends with him.

keep posting and never ever feel you are to blame.

 

 

Yes I have had friends and even family tell me I didnt do anything, but yet I have others on internet message boards tell me that he is hurt and why would he want to talk to you you hurt him...and that makes me blame myself and feel like I messed up and made a mistake..

[DJ Dancer]

sorry Lee it wouldnt let me edit it into paragraphs

[DJ Dancer]

And I also feel kind of bad because I told him I agreeed with him about the distance(even though he was right about it) I didnt want to tell him that Im breaking up with you because your not being my man being afraid that he would be upset with me for saying that, afraid that I would mess up a possible friendship, and being afraid that I didnt give him enough time to be a boyfriend to me once he moved back home...but come on now 2-4 days without a word from my boyfriend??

 

 

Was is like I lied to him?? Even though he was right about the distance thats why I ended it but I also felt left by myself in the relationship and that wasnt fair thats why I ended it too(but i didnt tel him that)..I have always had a difficult time telling someone that they hurt me..I even have that problem with family as well..As well as in past relationships being afraid that they wouldnt care that they hurt me..So I keep it to myself...

[DJ Dancer]

Oh yeah and he also said things wouldnt change between us when he got back home when he said that he is a different person at home...

[BrianG]

The way your talking it seems like your the one that was broken up with. Just leave him alone. You both need time apart and is healing from the break up, he is no longer your boyfriend so just let him be for now or you wont even have a friendship

[bustertypsy]

Hi DJ,I was the person who agreed with Lakesidedream in your other post.After reading this post,well it's a totally different kettle of fish.Sorry for being hard on you in your other post,but you didn't outline all the facts.

 

I think why do you want to be in touch with this guy? He wasn't very nice to you.He treated you unacceptably and didn't give you the respect you deserve.I understand for sure why you ended it with him.You weren't getting emotional feedback from him.You accepted that you were better off, being honest and ending things.Obviously you don't have any hard feeling against him.That makes you a very special lady,no bitterness there.

It is your choice of course to want to get in contact with him.If he was anyway a gentleman he would talk to you.Even just to say "leave me alone".This guy doesn't deserve the effort you make with him.Give yourself some time to meet a guy who will worship you.When he comes along you will see this guy for what he really is.

[DJ Dancer]

Hi DJ,I was the person who agreed with Lakesidedream in your other post.After reading this post,well it's a totally different kettle of fish.Sorry for being hard on you in your other post,but you didn't outline all the facts.

 

I think why do you want to be in touch with this guy? He wasn't very nice to you.He treated you unacceptably and didn't give you the respect you deserve.I understand for sure why you ended it with him.You weren't getting emotional feedback from him.You accepted that you were better off, being honest and ending things.Obviously you don't have any hard feeling against him.That makes you a very special lady,no bitterness there.

It is your choice of course to want to get in contact with him.If he was anyway a gentleman he would talk to you.Even just to say "leave me alone".This guy doesn't deserve the effort you make with him.Give yourself some time to meet a guy who will worship you.When he comes along you will see this guy for what he really is.

 

 

Thank you..Its okay..I knew that would happen if people read the other thread and didnt understand better..So that is why I wrote this one...

 

But thank you again...I understand exactly what you are saying..Im trying to get better for not blaming myself or thinking that he is upset with me for calling it quits, but I don't see how he could be upset though..

 

I appreciate it...Now I just have to push myself to NC with this guy for GOOD!

[DJ Dancer]

I think back on all this and I had my gut feelings and that little voice in the back of my head, but Ignored them....

 

My gut was telling me the day we "got back together" that this time it didnt feel like I was in a relationship it just didnt sit right with me when he told me he wanted to try it...So I should have went with my gut! But I ignored it...

 

Then that little voice in the back of my head that was telling me while we were dating when he was here that I shouldnt get too excited about this guy! But I ignored it and my heartbroken in the end...

 

Next time Im a listen and follow my gut and that little voice in my head...

[DJ Dancer]

Guys...Im starting to blame myself and feeling guilty AGAIN!

 

I know in my heart I did the right thing, BUT my head will not let me quit blaming myself...Im trying my best to not think about the good times and even how he has been acting now!

 

This really sucks guys because I feel like I screwed up because he wont even talk to me just even see if Im a live or tell me how his music is going..

 

If he doesnt want to talk to me I would rather for him to say it then to leave me hanging when he said he wouldnt...

 

 

Im just trying to get an understanding to why he wont eveb have the decentcy to speak back..Its not like Im trying to get back with him because I know the LDR would not work....

[DJ Dancer]

And Im still thinking that I hurt him...but I just dont see how I could have possibly hurt him if the break up was on good terms??

 

How could he be hurt and mad at me??

[brothermartin]

Because your probably a sensitive, caring woman that hates to think you may have hurt someone's feelings. Most women are like that, but it still happens.

 

I personally wish there were more people like you that cared this much about other people's feelings.

[Jade 02]

Hope he makes his dream come true as a profesional,But watch out fo number 1,and that is you. I know you care,If he cared he could control himself. Good luck,I want you to work with thid dude,and live happy,and I want this dude to work with you,but being a musicician takes alot.