Dynamo Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 This is just something I've been curious about. I know everyone is different, but I was wondering, how long do you typically date someone before you sleep with them? Are you usually dating for a year? Couple months? weeks? after the first date? Only when you both decide to be exclusive? Just curious on what everyone's stance is on this.
Phateless Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I think it entirely depends. I'm usually comfortable pretty quickly, but it's different for guys. In a college town, I think most girls wait two weeks to a month, if even that. If she's a virgin, as long as she wants to wait is fine with me.
spookie Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Well, I'm young and still learning things, so my past is going to be different from my future. I have three sexual partners so far. With the first, I waited until after we were in love, which was after we had become exclusive. With the second, he was my roommate and though we were FWB and it lasted about 2 weeks, he had promised me that he'd be exclusive for as long as we were sleeping togehter, which wasn't long because I met my #3, whom I didn't become exclusive with but was attracted to immensely. Now, though, I've been celibate for 4 months and I intend to wait for someone I love, whom I have long-term capabilities with. It's probably going to take a while to find him.
brothermartin Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I agree with PHATELESS. It depends if you are dating for fun or for something serious. I've found that it's not a good idea to get sexual too early, though. It starts a possible relationship off the wrong way.
Phateless Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Well, I'm young and still learning things, so my past is going to be different from my future. I have three sexual partners so far. With the first, I waited until after we were in love, which was after we had become exclusive. With the second, he was my roommate and though we were FWB and it lasted about 2 weeks, he had promised me that he'd be exclusive for as long as we were sleeping togehter, which wasn't long because I met my #3, whom I didn't become exclusive with but was attracted to immensely. Now, though, I've been celibate for 4 months and I intend to wait for someone I love, whom I have long-term capabilities with. It's probably going to take a while to find him. Good for you spookie. I'm gradually arriving at that conclusion myself. It just feels empty if you're not into the person.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 It depends on the relationship..usually I will wait 1-2 months, when we are at a point where we are exclusive and becoming more serious. I tend to think it is more special when you are "in love" or "falling in love." That's just cause I'm a sappy romantic type girl. I have had guys dump me because they wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready..waiting is generally how you can weed out jerks who just want to get you into bed.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 At least one to two months. Nothing that good, couldn't wait a few months. I need the mental stimulation far greater than the physical. Wait, wait, wait.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 if its great chemistry and it seems that it will go somewhere other than just basic conversation then it usually happen within a month or so...
maynicholas Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Well for me it's whenever I want/ am ready to. I do not take into consideration the long-term potential of a person before I sleep with them. If I want to, I do. For me it's like going to the icecream shop- if there is a flavor I want to try, I'm not going to sit there worrying about the calories- I try it.
ImThinkingWTF Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 a couple of weeks...but if it happens sooner...thats fine too. its not something that dont do just because we havet been on x number of dates. but usually, whenever i feel comfortable...it happens.
amaysngrace Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 My BF and I were phone friends for a month. Then one night I went to a party at his house. He looked so good in his tee shirt I had to have him. So I did. He thought it was too soon. He thought I just wanted him for sex after that. He thought it ruined our chance at a relationship. Turns out he was thinking too much.
D-Lish Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 The bottom line is that even in the modern world, many men still want a challenge and a chase when it comes to sex. Most men will take it when it is offered.... and think about what it means afterward. All of my male friends- and my past lovers say the same thing.... they WILL tend to pass judgement on a woman that has sex too quickly. They strangely all have the same answer.... "if she does it this fast with me- does she do it this fast with every guy?" So, no matter how liberated we may feel as women in this modern world.... when it comes to getting naked, especially with someone you like.... waiting seems to be a good way to start off a meaningful relationship. If I am just looking to have a fling- I just do it when I feel like it. If I really like someone- I will wait as long as I can.
LovesDog Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 usually it is about a month or so. it really depends on the guy. the current one, i couldn't get in his pants fast enough. it was the 4th date and within a week. i still can't keep my hands off of him. we are at the end of week #7. i'm not sure where it is going, but i hope to keep this one. i really dig him...
desertguy Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 1 to 2 months is about right, though once after 2 weeks, and once after 3 months. The 3 months, I was pretty bonkers over this woman, and still think about her to this day sometimes. I don't know if there is a definite correlation between how long one waits, and what you feel towards that person, but I think there might be something to that.
shadowplay Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Never less than a month. With my current bf I waited exactly a month and a half (just checked in my chat logs). I think it happened on our tenth date. I've never had sex with somebody really early on or somebody I barely knew. They were all serious relationships.
SidCaesar Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Everyone on here is going to give you a different answer, but me personally I would think way less of a woman who gives it up quickly...and I wouldn't ever consider her long-term dating material on top of that, so...
nitabean Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I have had good and bad with both situations. I once met a guy and had sex the same day, a year later the only reason we split was because he moved out of state. Then I once dated a guy I really liked for about 7 months before we had sex, I never heard from him again. So for me I go with my gut, if it feels right then I go for it....if it feels the slightest bit creepy I dont.
WIGIRL Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 The main thing will always be when you're ready. I, personally, don't just play hard to get. I AM hard to get.
Racquel Colette Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I have had good and bad with both situations. I once met a guy and had sex the same day, a year later the only reason we split was because he moved out of state. Then I once dated a guy I really liked for about 7 months before we had sex, I never heard from him again. So for me I go with my gut, if it feels right then I go for it....if it feels the slightest bit creepy I dont. The guy who left 1. wouldn't have left and found a way to stay or 2. have arranged for you to go with him with an engagement ring on your hand....if he was really in love with you. It ended because he wasn't really in love with you, not because he was moving out of state.
Racquel Colette Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Everyone on here is going to give you a different answer, but me personally I would think way less of a woman who gives it up quickly...and I wouldn't ever consider her long-term dating material on top of that, so... Ladies, take note.
Sunblast Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I've had about 60-something partners and for most it's been within 3 dates and for many on the first. I think this "wait two months" thing is absolute BULL**** and guys who put up with that are losers.
spookie Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I've had about 60-something partners and for most it's been within 3 dates and for many on the first. I think this "wait two months" thing is absolute BULL**** and guys who put up with that are losers. Given the prevalence of STD's, I don't think they're losers, I think they're smart for valuing their health. So what if you've had 60 partners? Finding sex to have is the easy part.
GoodOnPaper Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 . . . Finding sex to have is the easy part. So many people say this, but for me, finding sex was by far the hardest part. Of course, at the time, I was unaware of my "boring, nice guy" ways. Unfortunately, I am married now, so it's too late to do anything about that. I bring this up because of the OP's recent "nice guy" rant. We mostly hear about having sex too soon, but I think for someone with "nice guy" tendencies, waiting too long is the bigger mistake. Women put them in the friend zone very quickly. Plus, the "nice guy" believes that a player could bed the same woman in days or hours, so the longer they wait, the less he (the "nice guy") thinks she is attracted to him. To answer the original question, with the few women I dated, 2-3 weeks was the typical time we waited. I don't think it is a good idea to get strung along for months.
Trialbyfire Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Finding sex to have is the easy part. How true is this. For some of us, it's finding the partner that you personally want to do the horizontal mambo with, that's a daunting task. Some of us have wiring that hooks up emotions to sex, in an extreme manner. Unless we're invested, there's no pleasure in the act because desire is sparked and fanned by the mind. My theory is that it's a comparison/perfectionism thing, where one is a veritable feast and the other, "okay, what now", shrugs and walks away. A banquet v. Kraft dinner. I'd rather skip meals, than be forced to eat cheese that comes out of a box. As to the OPs questions, variable based on being in love and exclusive.
tanbark813 Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 I wait at least 2 to 3 hours. Maybe 4 if she's really special. I've had about 60-something partners and for most it's been within 3 dates and for many on the first. I think this "wait two months" thing is absolute BULL**** and guys who put up with that are losers. Exactly. It's funny how a lot of women claim they wait on the order of months but then once the lights go out and they're no longer posting/speaking publicly, it's a WHOLE 'nother ball game.
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