pandagirl Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Where I like a guy, then as soon as he likes me back, I shutdown and lose interest, or somehow convince myself that I don't like him anymore. It's very frustrating. I'm trying to solve this problem with this current guy I like -- super nice guy -- and I think he may be interested in me, too. I feel those old nagging reflexes coming up, but I'm trying to push them back down. Does anyone have any advice or similar situations to share? Thanks!
bandgeek0203 Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 that sounds a whole lot like me. im realizing that maybe its because i really just didn't like the person as more than a friend.
LaughMachine Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 The push and pull theory can be very tricky and play with our minds. I've had that problem before. don't know what to tell ya though.
Author pandagirl Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 I'm 29, but have never been in a serious, serious relationship... it's not because I haven't had the opportunity, but a history of self-esteem problems as a younger adult has built quite a wall around me. I'm a pretty confident person. I'm really successful in my industry; I'm creative; and I have a great family and lovely friends... but I guess when you get down to it, I've never had much confidence in the men area; that, and I'm SO used to just being "alone." I don't know how to function in any other way. And I've never been a person to needs a guy in her life. Anyway, I'm getting a bit off topic here! I guess now that all my friends are engaged and/or married and/or have children, I'm realizing that I'm just twiddling my thumbs, being stubborn, not wanting to change. I guess I need to know how to make that first step... therapy, anyone? haha.
desertguy Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 pandagirl, whatever your previous experience, I wouldn't knock your independent nature. This is not a bad thing. There are so many bad relationships "built" on a faulty layer of codependency. It often takes some people years and a lot of anguish to actually see that. The only thing I can say is experiment, and be a *little* more open, not a lot, but get a bit out of your comfort zone a bit. If it's not for you, pull back, no real harm done. But you might find yourself opening up some (and being more vulnerable, you can't escape that unfortunately). Try not to be judgemental about it. I've had similar issues, I've always been pretty independent, and opening up to women for me is *very* scary at first, and it doesn't always work out, but at least I try. But maybe it's just not for you. I can understand that. I know plenty of women your age who value their freedom and independence. Far from looking down on them, I respect them for knowing what they want out of life.
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