underpants Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I wonder... For those of you that have been or are and OW/OM. Did, prior to your involvement with a married person, have other types of 3rd party relationships? Were you the girl that got the boyfriend to dump or cheat on his girlfriend? Were you the guy who made a move on his friend's girlfriend? Did you allow yourself to carry on with someone who you knew, had a girlfriend or boyfriend? It is just a curious question.
White Flower Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I wonder... For those of you that have been or are and OW/OM. Did, prior to your involvement with a married person, have other types of 3rd party relationships? Were you the girl that got the boyfriend to dump or cheat on his girlfriend? Were you the guy who made a move on his friend's girlfriend? Did you allow yourself to carry on with someone who you knew, had a girlfriend or boyfriend? It is just a curious question. Someone pursued me once a long time ago in my M. I was lonely and loving the attention, but I just wasn't that kind of person. Lol, I am now. I don't like to hurt people's feelings, but I had to tell him to stop calling me. I never tried to get any guy to dump a girl for me. I was the one guys tried to use on the side and always found out later they had girlfriends. I dumped them then! (Imstunned, I can relate!) Never allowed myself to "carry on" with anyone attached before. This is my first and only OP A. Learned a lot, but wouldn't want to do it again...
SomethingsMissing Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Answer: no, no, no, no and no Same answers here. I'd be the one suggesting they stay with their partner. I'd broken it off with my first love in college in our second year. In our final year, he was getting ready to marry someone else, but wanted to sleep with me because I had always pushed him off - wanted to 'wait until we were married'. He was literally off to marry his girlfriend in a couple of weeks. That so soured me on him. up until then I had really missed him and wanted him back, but when I saw he was capable of doing that to her, I didn't want to have anything to do with him!
Author underpants Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Interesting, and thanks for the replies. I wanted to edit to also ask if any of you had also ever been the cheater previously?
stampdaddy Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Interesting, and thanks for the replies. I wanted to edit to also ask if any of you had also ever been the cheater previously? Once, and I HATED myself for it. One, well maybe 2 night stand kind of thing..
SomethingsMissing Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Interesting, and thanks for the replies. I wanted to edit to also ask if any of you had also ever been the cheater previously? Nope. Never would have thought I'd be here. And I've never pursued, just fallen victim to the MM pursuer.
Author underpants Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 I was the one guys tried to use on the side and always found out later they had girlfriends. I dumped them then! (Imstunned, I can relate!) Never allowed myself to "carry on" with anyone attached before. This is my first and only OP A. Learned a lot, but wouldn't want to do it again... I have had a couple of those experiences, and I agree that stunned's person really crafted up some lies. The thing is, the those couple of people from my past were like dust on the side of my pants when I discovered the truth. Easy breezy to dust that off. I do need to add. That experience has made me wiser in the research and wait stance. I carry my own filter now. It's the last part of your response that has me troubled a bit. If this is something that you would not repeat. Why are you doing it? I apologize if this is to pointed and direct, and I might be off topic in my own thread to be curious about it.
Author underpants Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 On a side tangent of thought... Also interesting will be to see who does not respond.
imstunned Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I have never ever cheated. I didnt know I was the other woman untill 8 months in. Men that I know are attached, married or otherwise are to me off limits. Thats NOT because I have a huge moral stance on it - though I do think its unfair etc, but its becasue its a road to nowhere. I had an affair with an older man when I was 26. He was 41. He was an actor here in my city - and we had a pa for a month. He went home to his live in GF and life but we had what I now think may have been a EA for another year, though I never saw him again. It took me meeting my ex (before MM) to make me tell him to leave me alone. He had talked about leaving the GF to be with me all through that time. He left me alone but 6 months later tried to resume contact. I ignored him. Sorry - bit of a ramble there - but that lesson taught me that they dont leave. (Interestingly - when I was in my late teens/early 20's it was ONLY men that had a gf that I was interested in. I didnt realise it at the time, but I would fancy them if they had a gf, and the only thing that brought this to light to myself was that I immediately went off I guy when i discovered that the girl that I thought was his GF was just a friend. I was so insecure that I thought that if I could steel a man away from his GF then it proved how attractive I was. How wrong was I?? Men will take any opportunity if its presented to them.)
OWoman Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I wonder... For those of you that have been or are and OW/OM. Did, prior to your involvement with a married person, have other types of 3rd party relationships? Were you the girl that got the boyfriend to dump or cheat on his girlfriend? Were you the guy who made a move on his friend's girlfriend? Did you allow yourself to carry on with someone who you knew, had a girlfriend or boyfriend? It is just a curious question. I'm not the monogamous kind - or didn't used to be till now. I was always the kid who had several guys on the go at the same time - and they knew it - all part time and all disposable. I was completely uninvested in any of them, not pretending it was anything else, those were my terms upfront. When they started wanting more I'd dump them. I've had other MM before - they were the only guys I could rely on not to get all picketfence-eyed and broody after a couple of orgasms... though unfortunately not reliably enough and some of them did do that too. I certainly never tried to win someone away from their SO - what would the point of that be? The whole point was having someone else to do the breeding and householding and other stuff I had no time or interest for. Worked well enough until current MM...
TheDevilsBabe Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 No, I would always, never fail, break away from a friendship/possible friendship if there was a gf/wife involved and something more than platonic was "his" interest. Relationship status was always a deal breaker if he wasnt a "free man." Never thought id find myself in the role of the OW, as i just did not understand how people could act like "that" of course, until i found myself in such a relationship. Now, things are a little more clearer.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 1. Did, prior to your involvement with a married person, have other types of 3rd party relationships? 2. Were you the girl that got the boyfriend to dump or cheat on his girlfriend? 3. Did you allow yourself to carry on with someone who you knew, had a girlfriend or boyfriend? 4. I wanted to edit to also ask if any of you had also ever been the cheater previously? 1. Yes. I had been in OW type relationships since the age of 15. 2. I persuaded plenty of people to cheat. None of them needed much persuading though. 3. Yes. 4. Yes, as often if not more than the OW times. I haven't been an OW or cheated in years now. Those days are far behind me, thankfully.
OpenBook Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I wonder... For those of you that have been or are and OW/OM. Did, prior to your involvement with a married person, have other types of 3rd party relationships? Were you the girl that got the boyfriend to dump or cheat on his girlfriend? Were you the guy who made a move on his friend's girlfriend? Did you allow yourself to carry on with someone who you knew, had a girlfriend or boyfriend? It is just a curious question. No, prior to my A I would get involved with SG's who didn't treat me well (they used to be called "rakes")... and I ignored or chased away the "nice guys" who were genuinely interested in me and who would never tear me down. That is what I regret the most - how I treated those "nice guys" back then. A lesson well learned!
frannie Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I wonder... For those of you that have been or are and OW/OM. Did, prior to your involvement with a married person, have other types of 3rd party relationships? Were you the girl that got the boyfriend to dump or cheat on his girlfriend? Were you the guy who made a move on his friend's girlfriend? Did you allow yourself to carry on with someone who you knew, had a girlfriend or boyfriend? It is just a curious question. I've never previously had a 'third party' type of relationship. Never got anyone to dump or cheat on their girlfriend, no. I did once, in my early twenties, engage in some touching of hands (but no conversation?) with someone who was engaged. I also had a boyfriend at the time and the four of us used to spend a lot of time together. I'm not sure what it was all about in retrospect, but we never actually spoke..?? Everything that went on was in the presence of our other halves... it was more like flirting I think. It went on for a couple of weeks, then on the day of his wedding he ran his fingers down my back, which sort of woke me to my senses and I pulled away in disgust. He said, 'what's wrong?' and I said, 'well you're married!'. I wanted to edit to also ask if any of you had also ever been the cheater previously? Once, when I was with my first boyfriend, who I didn't actually like much, a boy I really liked asked me out. I turned him down out of duty to my boyfriend. Looking back this was probably the stupidest thing I ever did. Since I really loved the other guy. We wrote letters to each other and met a couple of times but only to chat. I don't know what was in my head to make that decision not to end it with the boyfriend I didn't like for someone I really wanted. Then when I was with my second boyfriend, years into it, the relationship had stagnated and I was really quite sure I wanted it to end. I met someone I liked, and there was a bit of a 'crossover period' of a month or so when I was seeing them both. I would say it was probably cheating, yes, but the one relationship was over in all but name, and as soon as I could see the other one had potential I told my boyfriend I wanted out and we ended things. So, yes there have been little forays into dangerous territory before, but nothing I personally would consider out of the ordinary for dating.
Author underpants Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Thank you for your honesty and candor. Your responses and experiences are interesting. I appreciate it.
White Flower Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I have had a couple of those experiences, and I agree that stunned's person really crafted up some lies. The thing is, the those couple of people from my past were like dust on the side of my pants when I discovered the truth. Easy breezy to dust that off. I do need to add. That experience has made me wiser in the research and wait stance. I carry my own filter now. It's the last part of your response that has me troubled a bit. If this is something that you would not repeat. Why are you doing it? I apologize if this is to pointed and direct, and I might be off topic in my own thread to be curious about it. I think most people, if they are being truly honest, have little crushes here and there while married yet never act on them. I acted on this one because I actually fell in love. I can't do it again because of the pain of the rollercoaster ride. My counselor did say it was like a drug being in an A and I decided it's time for rehab. After this I will just say no. Then I will find someone who has time just for me.
PoshPrincess Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I've been a OW and a cheat. OW - never never never again!!!!!!!! I can't promise I will never cheat again but I am working on it.
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