Slippy72 Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 A brief history; Me and my ex were on and off for about 2 years, the most recent of our relationships ended in January after about 6 months. This is the longest we've been apart and since then our contact has been very distant (I couldn't get over and resorted to NC). The first few months were painful but eventually, I got over it. So I've been fine for a few months until a few weeks back, she starts making obvious efforts to talk to me, a few messages every couple of days saying she misses me or whatnot until she finally admitted she wanted to get back together with me. I also want to get back with her too, we had an amazing connection and were so comfortable in each others company. Why then, do I post this? Well the one thing that's making me hesitant about getting back together with her is the fact that she (for lack of a better term) 'experimented' during the time we were apart, which I acknowledge as a total natural occurence for a young girl. However, I've always been the jealous kind. I could never take other guys even looking at her but now the thought she's been having one night stands is really getting to me. Especially since I haven't been with anyone since the break up and also that I know most of the guys (though not as friends). So I guess what I'm saying is; am I right to worry about these flings she had? I so want to get with her because it was amazing in the past, but this is really putting a question mark over the whole thing. Thanks for reading, I'll fill you in on any other info from the relationship if you need it.
brothermartin Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 What did you guys break-up for in the first place if things were so good?
bustertypsy Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Firstly,I'm not an Arsenal fan,but I'll try and help(HE HE).Ok,so you two split up but keep feeling that magnetic attraction towards each other. I think in order for her to know that there is something special about you she needs to be able to compare others to you.If she is making contact obviously she has the hots for you.It is important to accept that when she is not with you,she doesn't have to answer to you for her actions.Unless she is the local bike then she is probably just being normal. Now you have a great opportuniy to try and forward your relationship,to learn from your time apart and to strenghten the new relationship that may come to you again.You have learnt a lot,make good use of the knowledge you have gained.Up Scunthorpre Utd(he he)
BrianG Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 How long were you apart? how long was the no contact? Have you spoken about why she broke up with you? How many guys? If you both want to make it work i say go for it. What she does why you were/are broken up is out of your control. If you can put the past behind you i wish the best of luck to you. Im jealous, i hope my ex comes aroudn like yours. Make the most of this opportunity.
Author Slippy72 Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Wow, didn't expect so many replies so quickly, thanks a lot to you three for your responses! What did you guys break-up for in the first place if things were so good? Basically we went through a dry patch, not a terrible one but it got to the point where the passion went as it does in a relationship from time to time. In all fairness to her, she pointed this out but I confess, I was too stubborn to take notice. Also, she started mixing in a different group of friends which changed her into someone I didn't like and her behaviour totally changed. Firstly,I'm not an Arsenal fan,but I'll try and help(HE HE).Ok,so you two split up but keep feeling that magnetic attraction towards each other. I think in order for her to know that there is something special about you she needs to be able to compare others to you.If she is making contact obviously she has the hots for you.It is important to accept that when she is not with you,she doesn't have to answer to you for her actions.Unless she is the local bike then she is probably just being normal. Now you have a great opportuniy to try and forward your relationship,to learn from your time apart and to strenghten the new relationship that may come to you again.You have learnt a lot,make good use of the knowledge you have gained.Up Scunthorpre Utd(he he) Yeah you're right - it's totally natural for a girl to do it, it's just I have a hard time getting my head around it still. Also, as you said I have learnt a lot which would be helpful to me if we were to start things up again. Oh and good luck to Scunthorpe this year, not looking too good right now but here's to hoping your boys turn it round! How long were you apart? how long was the no contact? Have you spoken about why she broke up with you? How many guys? If you both want to make it work i say go for it. What she does why you were/are broken up is out of your control. If you can put the past behind you i wish the best of luck to you. Im jealous, i hope my ex comes aroudn like yours. Make the most of this opportunity. We've been apart since January, the first couple of months I was hurt and kept apologising for stuff I hadn't done wrong etc - but after that I wised up and went NC for about 3 or 4 months (the only rare contact being started by her, not me). We've spoken about why it ended and we both agree we were to blame. Putting the past behind me is not something I do well though, especially when I know of the guys she's with. Also you mentioned your ex and how you want her to come back, if you want you can talk to me about that? Because (and I'm trying not to sound big headed here) but after my initial craze I handled the NC/mindgames of the break up very well and could pass some advice if you'd like? Just a thought, PM me or something if you'd like. As has already been said, my problem is letting the past go. I've gotta try and come round to the fact that what she did is natural. It's just going to be immensely hard to do that.
thelegend Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Hey brother good luck with your situation. I just wanted to add to what was said by saying if you know in your heart you can't handle the fact she had to sample the field then it's best you let that die down before you go a step further. Because then you'll feel like you can't trust her. But I think she's learned her lesson I know it's tough to go back after knowing they've sampled but that goes away with time. Your true feelings will override that.
Author Slippy72 Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Hey brother good luck with your situation. I just wanted to add to what was said by saying if you know in your heart you can't handle the fact she had to sample the field then it's best you let that die down before you go a step further. Because then you'll feel like you can't trust her. But I think she's learned her lesson I know it's tough to go back after knowing they've sampled but that goes away with time. Your true feelings will override that. That's what I'm hoping, I guess time will tell but they haven't yet. Like you said, it's best to take it slow and let it all die down first - which is what she suggested too, but I interpreted that as her wanting to party a bit longer before coming back to me which she insisted was not the case. Thanks a lot for your help man! At this point I should tell you all that whilst I was doing NC and coping well, I didn't care who she slept with - in fact I laughed it off at times. It's just now there's a slight flame again, my jealousy get's the better of me.
thelegend Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Trust me brother she's had her fun now she's all about you right now. Women aren't like guys once they have made up their mind they are locked in. It took some time for her to even accept her feelings for you so this decision I would bet good money on is final. I think sh wants to take it slow so the romance can set in and that connection will spark off right. I wouldn't worry at all if I were you just take your time refrain from physical stuff until you are ok with what happened.
Author Slippy72 Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Trust me brother she's had her fun now she's all about you right now. Women aren't like guys once they have made up their mind they are locked in. It took some time for her to even accept her feelings for you so this decision I would bet good money on is final. I think sh wants to take it slow so the romance can set in and that connection will spark off right. I wouldn't worry at all if I were you just take your time refrain from physical stuff until you are ok with what happened. Exactly what I've been trying to persuade myself for ages now. You have no idea how good it is to hear from somebody else! Thanks a lot!
BrianG Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Wow, didn't expect so many replies so quickly, thanks a lot to you three for your responses! Basically we went through a dry patch, not a terrible one but it got to the point where the passion went as it does in a relationship from time to time. In all fairness to her, she pointed this out but I confess, I was too stubborn to take notice. Also, she started mixing in a different group of friends which changed her into someone I didn't like and her behaviour totally changed. Yeah you're right - it's totally natural for a girl to do it, it's just I have a hard time getting my head around it still. Also, as you said I have learnt a lot which would be helpful to me if we were to start things up again. Oh and good luck to Scunthorpe this year, not looking too good right now but here's to hoping your boys turn it round! We've been apart since January, the first couple of months I was hurt and kept apologising for stuff I hadn't done wrong etc - but after that I wised up and went NC for about 3 or 4 months (the only rare contact being started by her, not me). We've spoken about why it ended and we both agree we were to blame. Putting the past behind me is not something I do well though, especially when I know of the guys she's with. Also you mentioned your ex and how you want her to come back, if you want you can talk to me about that? Because (and I'm trying not to sound big headed here) but after my initial craze I handled the NC/mindgames of the break up very well and could pass some advice if you'd like? Just a thought, PM me or something if you'd like. As has already been said, my problem is letting the past go. I've gotta try and come round to the fact that what she did is natural. It's just going to be immensely hard to do that. dont know what PM is but my email is bmgallen@yahoo.com. I would like any and all advice you could provide. Been about a month and change of NC after a 5 year relationship. Could provide you with any info you need
bustertypsy Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Hey Slippy,from reading your posts it is great to see the maturity that you are showing.You really are playing the situation brilliantly. slippy quote Basically we went through a dry patch, not a terrible one but it got to the point where the passion went as it does in a relationship from time to time. In all fairness to her, she pointed this out but I confess, I was too stubborn to take notice. Also, she started mixing in a different group of friends which changed her into someone I didn't like and her behaviour totally changed. I know what you mean with the passion.Us men can become complacent,whilst the girls want the romance to grow.At least you acknowledge this and can work on it. The most important thing is that you have both accepted blame for the failure of your relationship.If you have both learnt from mistakes,then this break up gives you both an equal chance to improve and to build a relationship on a more solid foundation.If you both accept that a good relationship requires hard work and a lot of compromise then the future looks bright. PS....My mam loves Arsenal
BrianG Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Tried sending you a PM but it says that you do not have it enabled. Could use your input. Thanks
kirikat Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 what the girl did when you weren't with her is none of your business. A human being is not an object to be owned. If she belongs to you, she belongs to you. Look at it this way.... if 3 months ago she was with someone else, it was 3 months ago.... that moment no longer exists. UNLESS of course, YOU decide to play that scene over and over in your head. You really should work on that jealousy thing. Its not good for you or for your relationships, because people often create the situations they most fear.
Author Slippy72 Posted December 10, 2007 Author Posted December 10, 2007 what the girl did when you weren't with her is none of your business. A human being is not an object to be owned. If she belongs to you, she belongs to you. Look at it this way.... if 3 months ago she was with someone else, it was 3 months ago.... that moment no longer exists. UNLESS of course, YOU decide to play that scene over and over in your head. You really should work on that jealousy thing. Its not good for you or for your relationships, because people often create the situations they most fear. You're so right. It's out of control really. And what you said about 'creating situations that I fear' was spot on, that's exactly what I do. Sometimes I just think about something and totally make up images in my head. It's a severe problem and what that I've even considered getting help for. Since that's not immediately available though, are there any useful ways of just dealing with it in my mind? The problem now is that we've established at some point that we will possible get back together - but not when. It's a vagueness that I really don't like the feeling of. (briang, I'll turn pms on now)
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