DJ Dancer Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Ok I Cant Stop Crying Because Im Feeling Guilty About Breaking Up With My Boyfriend Because Of Long Distance...i Mean My Ex Wasnt Sure About Being With Me Because Of The Distance..i Got A Little Upset About It Because He The One That Wanted To Do The Long Distance (i Did Too) But He Had Doubts Once He Left And I Thought About It And He Was Right About The Distance So I Broke Up With Him Because It Was Obvious... ..but I Think He Is Mad @ Me Because Now He Wont Even Talk To Me After We Broke Up And He Said That He Wanted Us To Be Friends And For Me To Keep In Touch With Him.... Extra Details: He Didnt Even Spend Time With Me His Last Night Here He Went Out With His Friends Instead.. And Once He Got Home He Didnt Write Call Text Or Anything Unless I Said Something First To Him Then He Would Speak And Be Hey Baby ..i Miss You And Saying He Has Been Busy(he Is Music Artist) With His Music, But When He Was Here He Was Doing His Music But Still Made Time To Contact Me... Was I Wrong For Breaking Up With Him? Why Do I Feel Guilty?? I Have Tried Contacting Him Several Times After We Broke Up As A Friend To See How Things Are With Him And His Music And To Wish Him A Happy Birthday! But He Didnt Say Anything To Me.. Im Lost Here..any Advice Would Help Please!
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 any advice would help...PLEASE!
dutchie Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Why do you want to contact him so badly if you are the one that broke it off with him? Do you want to get back together? If not, maybe your attempts to talk to him are just painful, and that is why he won't respond. I would say leave him be for a while. And don't feel guilty, you need to do what is best for you. LDRs are tough...I tried it once with someone I loved deeply, but it was too much over a long period of time. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 I dont want to get back with him because I know the LDR would not work..I just want us to be friends and talk every now and then..like I thought we agreed to do.. Is he hurt by me breaking up with him? He sure didnt act like he wanted to be with me once he got back home...So if he is hurt then why didnt he be a boyfriend to me once he left like he said he would and made it seem like things were still going to be the same..Then I wouldnt have broken up with him... I was falling behind my work in school and feeling stressed and worried wondering why he wasnt calling me when we were together...
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 Any Other Advice?? Male Input Maybe?? Guys I Need Help Please...
BrianG Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 He may not act like it but he is hurt that is why he does not want to talk to you. When someone breaks up with you, it can be devastating, trust me because I am in that position as we speak after my exgf broke up with me. After being broken up with it causes a major hit to your self-esteem and self worth. If your intentions are only to be friends, you have to understand what he wants. He may have said that he wanted to be friends, but right now that is not possible because of the hurt of you breaking up with him for whatever your reasoning. Being friends with an ex is a good thought in theory, but may never be possible. In my case it would be nice but i would always want more, which would cause strain on a true friendship. You made the decision to break up with him (i.e you not longer wanting him to be a part of your life) and you have to live with the consequences of those actions which in this case may or may not ever being just friends. Give it time snd who knows what may happen. It is up to him if he would like just a friendship. Just my two cents.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 He may not act like it but he is hurt that is why he does not want to talk to you. When someone breaks up with you, it can be devastating, trust me because I am in that position as we speak after my exgf broke up with me. After being broken up with it causes a major hit to your self-esteem and self worth. If your intentions are only to be friends, you have to understand what he wants. He may have said that he wanted to be friends, but right now that is not possible because of the hurt of you breaking up with him for whatever your reasoning. Being friends with an ex is a good thought in theory, but may never be possible. In my case it would be nice but i would always want more, which would cause strain on a true friendship. You made the decision to break up with him (i.e you not longer wanting him to be a part of your life) and you have to live with the consequences of those actions which in this case may or may not ever being just friends. Give it time snd who knows what may happen. It is up to him if he would like just a friendship. Just my two cents. Thanks Brian I understand that he may be hurt but he hurt me too in the relationship once he left..He barely spoke to me when he went back home unless I spoke to him first..I didnt want to break up with him I wanted the long distance relationship to work..HE was the one wanting to puruse the relationship with me once he got back home and I was too because I liked him so much...So I broke the relationship off because of the distance because when I asked him did he still wanted to be with me he said he wasnt sure because of the distance and he was right so I told him that its obvious to see what needs to be done so I said lets break the relationship off..I thought we ended it on good terms as of us being friends...
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Anymore insight would really help me guys.... Was I wrong for calling it quits? The guy barely called me anymore and wasnt being boyfriend anymore..There is NO WAY someone can be that busy to not call someone you care for between 2-4 days! Right??
BrianG Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 How long since you broke up with him? The only advice i have is to give it time for both of you to heal and get over the relationship because that is the only way a friendship is possible
LakesideDream Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 DJ, stop being so selfish! You broke up with the guy. The decision was yours. Now you want to "be friends" with him. Why? You know why and so does everyone here at LS. You want to be friends to keep him on the back burner. You are angry because he won't play along, either because he has your tactic's figured out, or because you hurt him by breaking up with him. You made your bed, now you have to live with it. Obviously this guy isn't going to let you control him after the break up.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 How long since you broke up with him? The only advice i have is to give it time for both of you to heal and get over the relationship because that is the only way a friendship is possible Thanks Brian..its been about 8 months since I broke up with him
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 DJ, stop being so selfish! You broke up with the guy. The decision was yours. Now you want to "be friends" with him. Why? You know why and so does everyone here at LS. You want to be friends to keep him on the back burner. You are angry because he won't play along, either because he has your tactic's figured out, or because you hurt him by breaking up with him. You made your bed, now you have to live with it. Obviously this guy isn't going to let you control him after the break up. Im not being selfish..if you would go back and read the first post you would see how he treated me once he left and how he wasnt sure of being with because me being so far! So I thought it would be good for the both of us to end it if he not going to be a boyfriend to me and so i could stop stress myself out! I wasnt trying to hurt his feelings he hurt mine and I told him that it wasnt fair for me to be in this relationship by myself...if he wasnt gonna meet me halfway..
LakesideDream Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I apologise DJ, I didn't understand that when you broke up with him your goal was to enhance his self esteem and make him feel better! Personally I probably wouldn't have felt enhanced if it happened to me.. but heck everyone is different right? I now agree with you completely. It's your ex boyfriends responsibility to make YOU feel better, and enhance YOUR self esteem. This is all about YOU. You would have thought that an insensitive and evel man like he is would have figured YOU out by now.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 I apologise DJ, I didn't understand that when you broke up with him your goal was to enhance his self esteem and make him feel better! Personally I probably wouldn't have felt enhanced if it happened to me.. but heck everyone is different right? I now agree with you completely. It's your ex boyfriends responsibility to make YOU feel better, and enhance YOUR self esteem. This is all about YOU. You would have thought that an insensitive and evel man like he is would have figured YOU out by now. What do you mean by what you are saying? Are you being sarcastic and making me seem like the SELFISH one because Im not! That's not even the case... All I wanted was some of his time once he left..He told me things wouldnt change between us when he got home, because he told me that he is a different person when he is at home meaning he is like the local celebrity you can say..I know that being in the music industry is a busy thing and I told him that I wasnt trying to get in between him and his music because I know that is his love...I just wanted a phone call here and there from him to let me know he was ok..I wasnt asking him to drop everything and pay attention to me only that wasnt even the case... I got so use to us calling each other all the time and always around each other, but I didnt thing the calling and the emails would stop once he left... I wasnt trying to him at all I swear I wasnt I just want us to be friends we didnt break up in a bad way..for us to not even be friends..I thought things were fine for us to continue our friendship...
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Should I write him and tell him that Im sorry if I hurt him? I will write another thread to tell the entire story maybe others will have a better understanding of all it...
LakesideDream Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 What do you mean by what you are saying? Are you being sarcastic and making me seem like the SELFISH one because Im not! That's not even the case... All I wanted was some of his time once he left..He told me things wouldnt change between us when he got home, because he told me that he is a different person when he is at home meaning he is like the local celebrity you can say..I know that being in the music industry is a busy thing and I told him that I wasnt trying to get in between him and his music because I know that is his love...I just wanted a phone call here and there from him to let me know he was ok..I wasnt asking him to drop everything and pay attention to me only that wasnt even the case... I got so use to us calling each other all the time and always around each other, but I didnt thing the calling and the emails would stop once he left... I wasnt trying to him at all I swear I wasnt I just want us to be friends we didnt break up in a bad way..for us to not even be friends..I thought things were fine for us to continue our friendship... You just don't get it DJ. You say "you wanted some of his time after he left". HE DIDN'T LEAVE, YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM. He doesen't owe you a damn thing. You wanted a phone call here and there. I KNOW I WOULDN'T WASTE MY TIME WITH YOU IF YOU DUMPED ME. Don't you get it DJ. You want to be friends, he doesen't. Get over it. You dumped him, you made that decision. Take responsibility, own it. He no longer has any responsibility to make you happy or to make sure you feel better. Geeze.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 You just don't get it DJ. You say "you wanted some of his time after he left". HE DIDN'T LEAVE, YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM. He doesen't owe you a damn thing. You wanted a phone call here and there. I KNOW I WOULDN'T WASTE MY TIME WITH YOU IF YOU DUMPED ME. Don't you get it DJ. You want to be friends, he doesen't. Get over it. You dumped him, you made that decision. Take responsibility, own it. He no longer has any responsibility to make you happy or to make sure you feel better. Geeze. No you don't get it! Once HE LEFT we were still together! I wanted a phone call here and there WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER! ALL THAT STOP WHEN HE LEFT TO MOVE BACK HOME! WHEN HE LEFT TO GO HOME WE WERE STILL TOGETHER! I take responsibilty for it because I was trying to make him happy and not to be force to be with me if he wasnt sure anymore! When he was wanting to do a LDR before he left he made me believe....Uggh Forget it! Because you dont get it!
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 Any Other Insight From Someone Who Can At Least Understand What Im Talking About...and See What I Mean As Well??
LakesideDream Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I read the other thread you started, which makes all this even sillier! Silly, silly, silly. You dated for a month... that's just a hicup! That alone is enough reason for him to ignore you from "breaking up" with him. A month is not a realtionship, it's a mini-tryout. You are spoiled. You think you deserve things you have no right to expect or receive. Finis, end. Find a new guy to heap your unrealistic expectations on. This last one is long gone.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 I read the other thread you started, which makes all this even sillier! Silly, silly, silly. You dated for a month... that's just a hicup! That alone is enough reason for him to ignore you from "breaking up" with him. A month is not a realtionship, it's a mini-tryout. You are spoiled. You think you deserve things you have no right to expect or receive. Finis, end. Find a new guy to heap your unrealistic expectations on. This last one is long gone. How am I spoiled? How could dating for a month make him ignore me? And how are my expectations unrealistic? I wasnt even asking for much!
LakesideDream Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 Give it up. You dated for a month and broke up with him. You had no right to ask for or "expect" anything at all.
bustertypsy Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 I'm sorry DJ but Lakeside is exactly right.When you ended with him you obviously broke his heart.Maybe you are young,but when you finish with someone,you FINISH.As the dumper you don't have a God given right to call and see how he is.You gave up that right when you ended things.So respect him for wanting to get on with the rest of his life,without you.Once you may have been the centre of his universe,but you gave up that right.So just leave him alone and let him find somebody who will love him and stand by him.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 I'm sorry DJ but Lakeside is exactly right.When you ended with him you obviously broke his heart.Maybe you are young,but when you finish with someone,you FINISH.As the dumper you don't have a God given right to call and see how he is.You gave up that right when you ended things.So respect him for wanting to get on with the rest of his life,without you.Once you may have been the centre of his universe,but you gave up that right.So just leave him alone and let him find somebody who will love him and stand by him. He surely didnt make me feel like I was the center of his universe once he moved back home..When he was here with me things were so perfect between us...I did stand by him by him and his music and wanted him to keep pursuing his dream..I didnt want to end it I really didnt but how do you think it made me feel when he said he wasnt even sure of being with me anymore? I felt like I wasnt good enough to even try a LDR with..He was talkin about he wanted try it out with me and willing to try if I was and I sure was ready to be with him and try it...
bustertypsy Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 DJ,I am not trying to disagree with you or indeed upset you.I was answering your original post.You ended the relationship with him,then you were hurt that he wasn't there when you wanted to talk to him.That is what my answer is based upon.If you take the decision to end things then you must be prepared to accept that the person is no longer your property.It's not whether he made you feel the centre of his universe.He didn't end it with you.If he had and you were devastated,do you think you would casually be able to talk to him if he rang you,when he should be giving you time to heal? Again I am just being objective.I am not here to give you a hard time,but I'm sure you'd rather get an honest opinion,rather than hear me say what you just want to hear.
Author DJ Dancer Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 DJ,I am not trying to disagree with you or indeed upset you.I was answering your original post.You ended the relationship with him,then you were hurt that he wasn't there when you wanted to talk to him.That is what my answer is based upon.If you take the decision to end things then you must be prepared to accept that the person is no longer your property.It's not whether he made you feel the centre of his universe.He didn't end it with you.If he had and you were devastated,do you think you would casually be able to talk to him if he rang you,when he should be giving you time to heal? Again I am just being objective.I am not here to give you a hard time,but I'm sure you'd rather get an honest opinion,rather than hear me say what you just want to hear. I understand where you are coming from....I didnt want to do it..Yeah your right I would be devestated but if someone does write me or try and contact me even when they did me wrong I would still have the decentcy to speak back...I just dont see how he could be hurt by me breaking up with him? He wasnt even showing any interest in the relationship anymore when he moved back home..when he was all for it when he was here..
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